Imagínate

2011-12-28T09:29:00.003-06:00

Andy, Heather, and Aven came over for Christmas Eve. We kept trying to get pictures of the two baby girl cousins. With all of the adults yelling a chorus of "Lorien! Aven! Look over here!", this was pretty much the standard result:

Finding the time

2011-12-20T15:40:00.000-06:00

My grad class -- my LAST grad class -- ended last Monday. It was the hardest semester yet, but somehow with the help of my awesome husband and family, I made it (though I won't find out my grade until tomorrow, I'm hoping for an A). I never did find a happy medium between work, school, family, and fitness. I feel like I'm muddling by, making it but just barely.
I have not fallen completly out of shape, but I'm not where I would like to be, either. My advisor recently told me that I am "amazing" because I have had two kids since the first time I had a class with him -- but he hasn't seen my most recent paper (again, hoping for an A, but won't be surprised by a B). And I got a really nice letter from a former student last week -- but it just made me feel even more guilty for running on autopilot this year. At the last race I ran (in November -- before that I hadn't raced since August), I lost count of how many people told me, "I don't know how you find the time."

The short answer is, I don't. I wish I could reach into my closet and pull out an extra half hour that I forgot was in my coat pocket from last winter. Or take a few hours off the hands of Facebook friends who are always posting about how bored they are. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. You've heard it before: You don't find time; you make time.

Well, you do. And I don't care how busy you think you are, if something is important enough to you, you will make time for it. That will mean making sacrifices. You will always be able to find someone who has more obstacles to overcome than you do, and they make it work. So you have no excuses.

I have no excuses.

My busy schedule this fall has included teaching full time, going to grad school, a preschooler who does not like to go to bed, a baby who does not like to stay asleep, breastfeeding and all the stress that goes with pumping at work (stupid teaching schedule is SO not conducive to pumping!), and a husband who also has a pretty demanding job and is also trying to fit in workouts. More recently add in some daycare changes that have meant our kids are in two different cities during the day. It sounds (and feels) like a lot, but I'd say we're pretty lucky that that's all we have to deal with. I often catch myself thinking, "It would be so much easier if we had x." (x = no commute, more flexible hours, an endless pool in the basement, a maid, and so on.) But we don't, and none of that is about to change. Chris is actually on the lookout for an endless pool, but he's been looking for years for one that we could afford, and I'm not holding my breath.

Several things should get easier next semester. For one thing, I'm done with grad school!!! I still have to take the comps test in April -- a set of four essay questions taken over two consecutive Saturdays -- which means I'm going to have to hit the reading lists hard over the winter. I'm going to pretend like I have a class so I can study for comps, but at least I can just walk two blocks to the Lexington library rather than drive half an hour into ISU.

Second, both kids are going to be at daycare in Fairbury. Since they don't have to be picked up until 6:30, I have some flexibility after work. I could do a run or even a bike ride after school and still be there to pick them up around 4:30, which is the same time I picked them up in Lexington. That will probably be my best bet, because Lorien's sleep schedule is killing me, and I can't drag myself out of bed at 4:30 after so little sleep! I don't know what happened to the whole sleeping through the night thing that she had been doing so well! She just abruptly stopped that about a month ago.

Third, I think I'm done nursing. Lorien seems to prefer the bottle now, and pumping at work is just not going well. Since her new daycare provides formula, it's less of an expense, and she doesn't seem to notice the difference.

Also, we finally moved the treadmill to the basement, so if the stars ever align and I do manage to get up for an early workout, OR if both of our kids end up napping at the same time (right. Jonah doesn't nap anymore at all) I can run without shaking the entire house and waking everyone up.

Mostly, though, I need to work on my core. I still have diastasis recti, which I think is the cause of all the back problems I had a couple years ago. Those are starting to return, and I think I need to take care of that before I start anything else.

So. I know what I need to do. I need to have all of my workout clothes ready the night before. I need to keep a few sets of workout clothes in the basement so that if the opportunity arises, I can hop on the treadmill or the trainer without having to go upstairs to change and wake everyone up with the creaky stairs. I need to do a better job coordinating workouts with Chris. I need to schedule races, because racing is often what gets me fired up about training.

I know what I have do. I just have to make the time to do it.

I have no recent pictures on this computer, so I promise to get some in my next post. Which will not be two months from now.

Is this thing on?

2011-10-20T20:44:00.001-06:00

Hello? Anyone there?

Hi.

I have been sort of MIA the last couple of months, mostly thanks to the demands of work, grad school, a 4-year-old, a baby, and...life.

And I don't really have time to give any sort of update on how we're all doing, so I'll just say we're all fine and here are a couple pictures. None of which were taken within the last month. So Lorien has grown a bit since these, but here you go.

Lorien being giggly. She is a long and lean little girl!

At a little family fun park. I just love how Chris is sitting on the pirate's lap like a kid telling Santa what he wants for Christmas. :)

Jonah started preschool this year!

Lorien got her first swim lesson at 12 weeks old.

More recently, Jonah had his 4th birthday, and right after that he had eye surgery. He recovered well and does not need to wear his eye patch anymore. Lorien can sit up on her own for a few seconds before flopping over, and she can also roll over both ways (back to front and front to back) and purposely grab at things. She expresses both pleasure and displeasure by spitting raspberries, and her laugh has become more pronounced and adorable. She is drooling like crazy and is approaching the Everything Goes in the Mouth stage.

And because it’s been about a week since I started writing this, here are a couple more recent ones:

Playing in the yard on Columbus Day (I love being a teacher!)

At a park on a gorgeous fall afternoon.

And that's life right now! Loving it!

Shameless

2011-08-20T14:00:00.001-06:00

I purchased myself a new pair of jeans the other day. We're having a cool weather spell which reminds me of fall, which means jeans! But depending on which scale is the trustworthy one, I have between 7 and 11 pounds left to lose (but I made my back-to-school goal, yay me!) so I am at the weird stage again where my regular clothes don't fit well, and maternity clothes are too big. A new pair was in order.

I held out as long as I could on maternity clothes with this pregnancy. This was me on Facebook at 18 weeks:
"would like to take this opportunity to note that at almost 18 weeks pregnant, I can still fit into regular jeans. They are my fat jeans, and I had to take them off after lunch (during lunch) but still. A win is a win."

Not long after that I surrendered for good. And then the storm clouds parted and a choir of angels began to sing as I finally felt somewhat comfortable sitting down (that was short lived, of course, but at least my pants fit). So now that I am on the way back down, I’m sort of at that same place, only now I don’t want to give up my comfy, hassle-free maternity wardrobe.

Enter new jeans. The dirty secret?
THEY'RE MATERNITY!!!!

What? It’s not like I bought pajama jeans. Although they are tempting….

I thought I was done shopping in the maternity section forever, but I discovered that all the new pants I got this winter still fit even though I’m almost back down to normal size, because the stretchy material at the top is really small and tight (but, as witnessed, can still expand to fit over a beach ball). So I'm totally keeping all of them to wear forever. They will be my "Thanksgivin' Pants!" :) Why aren't ALL pants made like that? Seriously, what was my problem last year wanting to put off wearing maternity clothes for so long? I never want to go back!

Except with the shirts. I sort of have an aversion to empire waists now....

On a different note, I had another race this morning. It was a small 5k in Fairbury, the town where I teach. When I say small, I mean small. It’s the race I won last year. I had no expectations to do anything like that again, but I did have a few goals based on how I’ve been running lately. I met two of them: go under 8:00 pace (7:48, yeah!) and be in the top 5 (3rd!). 3rd seems to be the magic number. I was 3rd in my age group at Canton, 3rd overall at this race, and also 3rd in my age group (both of the girls who beat me were in my age group, and even though they gave the overall winner an award, they did not take her out of the age group standings like most races do). I didn’t hear the winner’s time, but I don’t think she was that far ahead of me. Second place was within sight. I ran with one of my students for the last mile, and when we had a quarter mile left, I told him, “If we hurry, we can make it under 24:00.” He hurried, and finished in 23:53. I tried, but I had nothing left and missed it by 10 seconds. That was my stretch goal, and I’m not upset to have missed it.

Usually the cross country team does not run this race because their season has begun (they all volunteer, though), and that’s another reason why I was so high in the standings. I think they will be able to run it next year, though, so I will definitely have my work cut out for me trying to keep up with some fast high schoolers!

Finally, Lorien and Jonah both have their first week at the babysitter’s under their belt. Lorien has been so amazingly good! She went half days Monday through Wednesday and then full days since then, and our sitter says she’s been wonderful. I am so relieved! It was hard to leave her, of course, but not as heartbreaking as the first time I left Jonah. Like everything else so far, there are fewer worries with the second child. It helps that I love our sitter and I know my kids are in good hands. And now that I have seen how much Jonah has thrived in daycare and how much he looks forward to going (and throws a fit whenever it’s time to come home), I don’t feel quite so guilty about having to work.

I don’t have any recent pictures of Lorien uploaded, so here’s a quick one I just took with the webcam. She is getting so big so fast! sniff.

Race Report!

2011-08-09T15:24:00.001-06:00

I have not been this excited for a race in a very long time. The Canton tri is my favorite race, hands down (it used to be a toss-up between Canton and Tri-Shark, but ever since Tri-Shark moved venues it has a different feel and I don’t like it quite as much). This was my first triathlon EVER, and I’ve tried to do it every year. I think I missed two years out of the past 11. Once was in ‘04 when we lived in Champaign and did the Champaign Mini Tri (only minutes from our apartment), and the other time was in ‘07 when I was pregnant with Jonah. It is one of the few small-town triathlons left that has managed to maintain its low-key, low-pressure feel. It has definitely transformed somewhat since I started doing it – it is now chip timed, for instance. There used to be volunteers positioned with clipboards and stopwatches, and you’d have to yell out your race number as you passed them. Then they would mail out a booklet of results a few weeks later.

But it is still pretty small and family friendly. There are only three or four waves, and you seed yourself into whichever wave you want. You rack your bike wherever you want (we never get there early and still get decent spots because it is not that crowded). After the adults go, there is a kids’ race (this is where Chris got his triathloning start back in the day) that is a ton of fun to watch. You never know what kind of competition will be there. Some years there are some super fast people, and in other years, I am near the top. (I’ve been 2nd and 3rd overall the last two years if that tells you anything.)

I knew I would not be anywhere near the top this year, and I was fine with that. Well. I was telling myself that I was fine with it, which is slightly different. I mean, my first race back, Lorien is only 2 months old, I have done exactly zero speed work on the bike or the run. Or the swim. It is completely acceptable, and even expected, for me to completely suck at everything right now. So this was a “just for fun” race. Right?

Right.

I have never been good at going easy on myself, and now that there is no more baby in my belly to worry about, I wanted to hammer the thing! I knew I would not be fast, but I also knew that if I went too hard and blew up, everything would be fine. I would just be a little tired is all. So I definitely did not take it easy, and I definitely felt it.

They changed the start format this year. Rather than start in the water, we started on the boat ramp and ran in. The organizers just decided that morning to do it that way (haha), so it may or may not change back next year. In theory, this should benefit those who don’t start in the front row, because their time does not begin when the gun goes off, but rather when they cross the timing mat. What ended up happening was that there was a bottleneck right after the mat, so everyone ran across the mat, activating their timing chips, and then came to a halt. But it was just a few seconds, so not really a big deal. .

My swim was ok. Actually, it was wonderful! I had to focus to keep myself from smiling in the water (shallow lake, lots of vegetation). Time wise it was pretty lousy under normal standards. But I was trying not to judge myself by normal standards. It was about a minute slower than last year, which in turn was a minute slower than my best. My too-loose tri top that was flopping all around and acting as a parachute did not help matters, but it certainly was not the biggest factor. And with my belly in the shape that it’s in, I am still glad I did not wear anything tighter.

The bike was frustrating. I really want a do-over! You would think that after 11 years in the sport I would have learned a thing or two about how to ride a bike. Not so, apparently. I didn’t crash or anything, but I made several newbie mistakes that all have to do with not taking the time to check things over myself.

Chris changed the battery in my hub so my power tap would work. When he said it was working, I just assumed that he checked it all out and didn’t give it a second thought. It WAS working, but the magnet was not aligned, so it wasn’t picking up speed or power. I didn’t turn it on beforehand, so I didn’t notice until I was out on the course. I know a lot of people say that you shouldn’t need to see numbers while you’re racing – just race by feel and if you do it right, your time will be the same regardless of whether or not you can see it as you go. Yeah, well, I am not one of those people. The numbers motivate me. I need to see my speed. Otherwise I get lazy, get distracted, and have no sense of how hard I’m really going. So stupid mistake #1.

Stupid mistake #2 – I was in the small chain ring for almost the entire race and I didn’t know it. How could you not know it? I don’t know. I had left it in the big ring after my last ride, and it didn’t occur to me that Chris would probably change it when he took my wheel off. He also told me that he changed my front chain ring so that I would have lower gearing.

I kept gearing out, and thinking “Oh, there must be a tailwind. I must be FLYING! Look at me go! I’m doing a triathlon and I’m going FAST!” (If my computer had been working and I could have seen my speed, I would have known that I was indeed not “flying.” grr.) Going up the hills: “Huh. I haven’t had to switch to the small ring at all yet. Must be that awesome tailwind!” After we turned and I was STILL gearing out and wanting a higher gear: “Ok, I know Chris said I’d have lower gearing, but this is ridiculous. I’m going to have him change my chain ring back to the old one.” It wasn’t until about halfway back in, when I should have head a headwind to compensate for that “awesome tailwind” I thought I had at the beginning that it finally occurred to me to look down. *Mental forehead smack* When I did move to the big ring, I really started moving. Too bad there were only three miles left at that point.

When I told Chris about it later, he did not mince words. “That was pretty stupid.” Yeah. It was. Lesson learned (hopefully).

My ride was still pretty good, actually. I ended up with an 18.3 mph average. I really shouldn’t complain, because my goal going in was to try for 18 mph. But now that I know I could have been even faster, I’m mad about it. But it’s fine. Let it go, self. Let it go….

Onto the run. Not really a lot to say about the run. This is not a fast course, and for some reason I underestimate that every year. But I did what I wanted to do (I wanted sub-9:00 pace and I got 8:30, hooray!) and I could not have done it any faster. I did get passed by three women, and that has not happened in years. The run is where I still feel the weakest, probably because it has such a high impact on your body. I know it will come back (it’s already coming back faster than last time), and it just makes me more excited for next year. Chris won the race overall again (by a LOT. He is a freaking machine.) I ended up getting 3rd in my age group. Good day!

The best part about this race was, of course, seeing Jonah AND LORIEN out on the course “cheering.” Elaine and Al brought them out so both Chris and I could race, and Jonah spent most of the time at the playground by the finish line.

This was also a good reminder that even sprint triathlons are HARD! I have been doing it for so long now that I tend to brush them off as, not "easy" necessarily, but not really that big of a deal to just do. Sprints will always hurt like crazy if you really race them, but even if you just "do" it without trying to push yourself too hard, it still takes some stamina to get through. Definitely a good thing to have to re-learn the hard way now and then.

One more thought. I got a lot of comments about racing so soon after having a baby. Especially concerning the bike leg. Just to be clear, I was not able to ride a bike so soon after having Jonah. I think he was nearly three months old before I finally got on the trainer, and then I rode for probably half an hour and it was awful. Of course it was winter by then so I had zero motivation to ride on the trainer, but all during the gorgeous fall weather we had that year, I just never felt recovered enough to try sitting on a bike. Everything is just easier the second time around – it always is (marathon, Ironman, baby…). Maybe it’s physically less traumatic for your body when it’s already done it once, or maybe it’s mentally easier for you to handle the discomfort because you’ve done it before. Or a little of both. Either way, do not get down on yourself if you are not bouncing back immediately. There are SO many factors that go into coming back after a baby (what kind of labor and delivery you had, the level of activity you were or were not able to maintain during pregnancy, etc.). But, it WILL come back, if you want it to.

I was with Chris talking to someone after the race yesterday, and Chris mentioned something about trying getting back into race shape after Lorien’s birth (referring to himself). The guy we were talking to pointed out that it was ME who had the baby and had the actual recovering to do. Chris responded that I also get post-pregnancy blood doping to help with that. Yes, that may be true (it’s only fair!) but that is only part of the story. There’s an important psychological aspect at work, too. I’ve been on the sidelines for the better part of a year. There is nothing like a (semi-)involuntary extended break to get you fired up and motivated. And as frustrating as it can be when you aren’t able to jump back into things right where you left off, try not to get discouraged. The payoff will just be that much more rewarding when it does finally happen. And all of that pent-up motivation will help make it happen.

Lorien with Mom’s medal

All of us after the race. My tri shorts are stretched to their breaking point, but by this time next year, they WILL fit right.

Race Ready

2011-08-03T14:32:00.001-06:00

I have been gearing up for my huge exciting uber-important sprint tri on Saturday, and I am ready! Maybe more psychologically than physically, but either way. Bring it on!

I have been in the water a grand total of three times, but one of those was in a lake. Yay, me! And yesterday I dusted off my tri bike that has been sitting in the garage for a year. Actually, I didn’t so much dust it off as just sit on it and figure that most of the dust and/or cobwebs would either rub off on my shorts or blow off. I’m not sure how fast you have to go to blow dust off your bike, but apparently is faster than what I was going. And wow, I forgot how different a tri bike feels from a road bike. I rode it for 16 miles (I’m still sticking to about an hour, just because) and that was enough to get a feel for things.

And, on the running front, it just got a whole lot easier to fit a workout in:

We got this stroller from a friend whose kids have outgrown it.

It. Is. AWESOME.

We weren’t able to take Jonah for a stroller run until he was about 6 months, mostly because of the weather, but also partly because of the stroller itself. He would slide down it and just kind of dangle from the strap that goes up between the legs. Not comfortable. This one has a little dip in the seat that Lorien can snuggle into, and I also added another little head cushion for her. I tucked a few extra blankets in the sides, and she is snug in there. No jiggling at all. Also, the stroller has some suspension so it is a pretty smooth ride. I’ve only taken it out a few times (hopefully if this heat wave breaks, I’ll get better at it) and so far, Lorien falls asleep in it, and Jonah gives his usual running commentary and/or questions everything he sees. Answering his questions is kind of hard when we’re going uphill. But all in all, this is probably THE most exciting piece of baby gear we own.

I still have around 10-12 lbs to drop, but of course the number is only part of the equation. I’m having a hard time believing that my waist and hips could ever have been the size they were a year ago, so the only other thing concerning me about the race is what to wear. I can fit into my tri shorts. I feel like a sausage in them, but hopefully this will be the last race I ever do at this size, so it’s not worth it to buy a bigger pair.

My jersey situation is solved. I joined the racing team through Bloomington Cycle and Fitness (a local bike shop) and one of the requirements is that you have to wear team clothing for all competitive events (the wardrobe change is long overdue for me – I have worn the same Tri-Shark top in every single triathlon I’ve done but one in the last nine years!). I got a large tri top for now, and even though it’s really loose in the whole top half, it’s tight around my belly. I definitely won’t be streamlined for the swim, but I don’t really care for this race. When I go back down to my normal size, I’ll just wear it for cycling.

Meanwhile, in Lorien news, she has woken up! All day! The girl seriously does not nap. She’s 2 months old today, and she is a dream baby most of the time. She is sleeping through the night more often than not (today she woke up at 6:15!!! I hope this keeps up once I go back to work and/or she gets too big to be swaddled!), so that easily makes up for her lack of daytime napping. For awhile, she had a pretty predictable long nap at around 10:00 and then a shorter one or two in the afternoon. That and all the rest of her naps have dwindled to around 15 minutes or so at a time, if we’re lucky.

If Jonah ever goes down for a nap, he naps hard. Like, 2-3 hours, consistently. Lorien? Totally the opposite. She seems like she’s tired, but it takes forever to get her down, and then she’ll wake up after 10-15 minutes. This is true whether she’s in her crib, swing, bouncy seat, pack & play, stroller, car, or in someone’s arms. We haven’t found the magic napping trick…then again, considering she’s giving us a full night’s sleep most of the time, should we even try?

She is loads of fun when she’s awake now. Often, she’s pretty easygoing, and will be perfectly content on her own just staring at things for awhile. (She has been in her swing for about 20 minutes now, wide awake and looking around, perfectly silent.) I could never have done that with Jonah. I wonder if it’s a second child acceptance kind of thing, or just her personality. I try to give her as much undivided attention as I can, though, and she is all smiles, plus some giggles and coos. SO CUTE!

That’s not to say she never cries – she predictably enters a fussy period around dinnertime and doesn’t calm down until bedtime. But she is so much more laid back than Jonah was at this age. It’s pretty astounding.

Tomorrow she goes in for her 2-month check-up. And the shots. Oh, the shots. (Mommy tip – give baby some Tylenol shortly before the shots. She’ll be sore and may develop a fever, and this will help ease the pain sooner.) I will never forget Jonah’s cry when he got his first shots. There was nothing like it. I had never seen him turn that shade of purple, and he had not yet cried actual tears until the moment the needles went in. If memory serves me, he got a mild fever afterward and was understandably grumpy the rest of the morning, but then slept a lot of the afternoon. He was back to normal the next day

I’m sure Lorien will be fine after a day or so, too. She has to be. I need her to be my Superfan on Saturday!

Moment of Truth

2011-07-26T08:18:00.001-06:00

First off: I have a couple of additions/amendments to my post on cloth diapers from a few weeks back. I got the price wrong on the BumGenius diapers (they’re $20, not $15 – there was a sale going on in May, so that was the price I was using as my base for comparison in my eBay searches). There is also a cheaper brand that retails for $10 – but I already forgot the name of it!

Also, since we were back in disposables last week (our neighbors got us a package when Lorien was born and we figured we should use them before she grew out of them), I have noticed perhaps THE best pro yet to using cloth diapers. Aside from the usual (price, less garbage, natural fabrics against baby’s bottom so she doesn’t get diaper rash, etc.) there’s this: NO BLOWOUTS! This is huge. Jonah blew out of his diaper ALL the time.

It was sort of amazing. I mean, how does a human poop on his own head? HOW?

Lorien had one blowout on her first day home. But since we started with cloth, she’s had none! And, it turns out, it is not at all because she just doesn’t poop as much. OH, NO. There have been some incredible messes, but thanks to the elastic on the diapers, it never leaves the diaper cover. Ever. (Unless you leave space at the legs or some diaper sticking out, and that’s just your own dumb fault.) We had a couple up-the-back poops last week in disposables that confirmed it. It’s not her, it’s the diaper.

Ok, anyway. On to the topic at hand.

I mentioned in my last post that I was charging up my Garmin to actually measure myself on my next run. Well, that happened yesterday. I had sort of an idea of how fast I felt like I was going, but the time had come to actually find out. I wanted to have some kind of idea of what I could expect at Canton. I knew I was feeling better, but still not all the way back to normal, which is hardly surprising.

I don’t wear the Garmin very often in workouts. I just get too involved. I cannot forget that it’s on, and I spend the entire run trying to hold myself back from checking my pace every ten seconds. And it is impossible to do an easy or mindless run with it on, because it is inevitable that I will see a mile split and vow to make the next one faster. So unless the point of the run is to focus on pace, or to measure a specific distance or something, I don’t wear it.

So there were not a lot of workouts stored in the watch’s history. The most recent was August 14 of last year. I clicked through them all and it was like reading an old diary. Very few workouts from 2010, because I was dealing with my back injury all year, and most of the workouts from last year are in the 9-10:00 pace range. There was one 6-miler at 8:45 pace, and I remember that one very clearly, as it was my first run that felt good. Then there were a couple of races – I can tell those because the pace was in the mid-7:00’s and I don’t just run workouts that fast. The Park-2-Park 5-miler on the 4th of July in 7:38 pace. Ah…that was hot and hilly and hard, and the whole race is as clear as day. Remembering what that felt like is a good mental exercise.

I kept clicking back. 8 miles at 9:05 pace, 10.5 miles at 9:15, 7 miles at 8:52, 4 miles at 7:58. Then out of nowhere, 26.36 miles. What? Is that a mistake? Did I have it on in the car? When did I do THAT? Oh. April 20, 2009. I forgot that I wore this watch for Boston. I can’t believe it’s been that long since I’ve run a marathon. I still haven’t let go of my dream of running a marathon by the end of this year to mark my 10-year anniversary of doing these things.

Ok, so after reviewing my entire running history of the last two years, it was time to add another milestone. First timed run after baby #2. Here goes nothing.

I tried not to think about pace, because I didn’t want to know how fast I could run hard. Not yet. I just wanted to know how fast I was going when I went “normal.” That’s not to say I didn’t check it constantly, but I tried to stay at a moderate pace.

No surprises. I didn’t astonish myself by being faster than I expected, but I didn’t disappoint myself either. Actually, that’s not all the way true. I did an out-and-back route, and it turns out that I’ve been underestimating the distance on this route for the last year and a half. The turn-around was .1 miles farther than I always guessed, which amounts to about 2 minutes over the course of the run. Darn. But good to know.

So now I have a goal for the run at Canton. I have a feeling I really won’t care even if I fall short of it. But it’s nice to have a goal.

7 weeks–work situation, Lorien updates, and workout progress

2011-07-24T20:47:00.001-06:00

Here we are closing in fast on 2 months old! I cannot believe how fast this summer is going!

Wait. Yes I can. I knew this would happen.

And I was not in the least bit surprised to see my school schedule and discover that I did not get anything I asked for after I was told that having first block prep and not having to share my room with driver’s ed in order to help manage pumping during the school day would be “no problem.” I remember saying that, although first block would be ideal, I could probably figure out a workable schedule with anything BUT second block.

Naturally, I have second block all year. And a class in my room. And with our bizarre new school day, 2nd block happens to be the shortest period of all (why they are all uneven is a mystery to me). Not only are we rearranging the school DAY, but we are also rearranging the school YEAR so that final exams are before Christmas rather than after. This would be ok if a) we started a little earlier in August rather than just chop off an entire week from first semester and add those days to the end of the year, thus making it practically impossible to teach the same amount of material to both semester classes, b) we didn’t have to grade finals over Christmas break only to come back ready to teach new classes on JANUARY 2ND (seems like most schools have an institute or teacher work day or something!), and c) we didn’t have the world’s shortest Christmas break. (Ok, I guess I can shut my pie hole about that last one, because we do get the entire week between Christmas and New Year’s. It’s just that it used to be 2 weeks, and they’ve been getting shorter and shorter every year.)

Basically, this is pretty much the worst school year to go back to with a new baby and I would really like to skip the whole year.

But, I still have four more full weeks of summer before I have to think about it, and I refuse to stress over it until the last minute. Oh…no I do not have four weeks. I have three. Yet another example of the impeccable logic of those in charge of the calendar: we are starting on a Friday. That entire week leading up to the first day will have to be spent at school, especially since I was not the one to close up my room for the summer and I have no idea what kind of shape it was left in or where anything is.

AH, but I didn’t mean to start this with a list of complaints. There are much better things to talk about.

Like, Lorien is getting SO BIG! And she’s so much more alert all of a sudden! She’s been smiling for a few weeks now, and she always begins the morning in a good mood (even if she’s essentially been up since 4:00, stubbornly refusing our efforts to make her sleep just a couple more hours until we grudgingly drag ourselves out of bed at 6). She even giggles now (sort of)! Makes me forget that I’m tired. Until I want to crash at 9:00. AM.

I’ve been branching out a little in terms of taking both kids places by myself. I have always tried to get us out of the house for a little while every day, but it’s usually to Jonah’s swim lessons, the playground, the library a block away, or the local grocery store where Jonah is under the impression that he can get ice cream or cookies whenever we go there so he begs to go every day. If we’re really running low on food, I’ll attempt a bigger shopping trip in Bloomington, but those have to be timed just right, and on more than one occasion they’ve had to be put off until the next day (and the next). Last week on a day when swim lessons were cancelled due to lightening, I decided to brave the Discovery Museum.

Jonah painting at the museum while Lorien looks around in bewilderment wondering why every time she wakes up she’s in a different place.

I call that trip a success. Jonah LOVES it there, and knows what to do at all of the exhibits, so I basically just sit back and watch him. They also have a “nursing nook” with a little rocking chair and box of books for siblings, which I had to take advantage of. Lorien slept on and off the whole time and did not have any meltdowns. That alone equals a success in my book.

After the museum, we met Chris for lunch at a place across the street. By then the storm had long passed and it was HOT with no A/C in the restaurant, plus we were closing in on naptime for Jonah, so we tried to make it quick. Not quick enough, unfortunately, as I missed the nap-taking window and Jonah did not sleep all afternoon.

That is cause for crisis in my world. I am lucky if I can get 15 minutes or so when both kids are asleep at the same time, but damnit, I NEED those 15 minutes! I get very short-tempered with Jonah when he refuses to sleep, and he gets cranky around 4-5:00 if he doesn’t get his nap. A recipe for disaster, that is. He usually ends up crying that he wants Daddy to come home.

Here are a couple of new Lorien pics. The first couple are of her finally interacting with the toys on her play mat (she’s actually laughing in the second one!), and the third is in her new dress from Bapa and Grandma.

On the workout front, things are going well. I got the all clear to swim at my 6 week check-up like I was hoping, and at that point I was still tossing around the idea of doing the Canton tri. So I tested the waters by doing my own little mini-tri around Lexington. Swimming is sloooow. Biking: sloooowwww. Running: SLOOOOOOWWWW. But, feels fine, so I pulled the trigger and signed up! I have less than two more weeks to train and then I’m going to be RACING! I can’t wait!!! (I hope something drastically changes in my midriff region over the next two weeks, though. I tried on my Tri-Shark jersey, and…well, I might be borrowing Chris’s. And I will definitely NOT be buying any official race photos.)

Running has actually turned around suddenly in the last week. I haven’t officially timed myself, so I still don’t know how fast or slow I am. But I am charging my Garmin for the first time since winter, so I’ll find out on my next run – gotta face the music sooner or later. But it feels faster than it did at 8 months pregnant. So there’s that.

Somewhere in week 5 I noticed a sharp pain in my kneecap. It got bad enough that I walked and started to fear that I had totally screwed myself by starting back too quickly. The next time I tried to run, it was there again. I walked a little, but then I had the good fortune to see another runner coming my way on the other side of the street.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I consider any encounter with another human to be a gauntlet thrown down. I can’t have them see me walking. Must run. Must run fast. And make it look effortless. Close my gaping mouth, breathe through my nose, adopt an expression of pure bliss and serenity as I breeze by the other person at a blistering pace that I am totally going to ease up on as soon as she’s far enough past me that I don’t think she’ll look back.

Funny thing, when I sped up, my knee pain disappeared. As soon as I slowed down again, it returned. So I sped up again and kept up a moderately hard pace and felt fine. Maybe I went a little bit overboard in the opposite direction in those first few weeks, in that I was overly conservative and actually took it too easy. Huh.

Also in the first few weeks back, there is some pelvic pain. It’s pretty normal, considering what that whole region just went through, and I can tell the difference between general discomfort and I-am-really-going-to-do-some-damage-here pain. I knew this wasn’t anything to be concerned about, but it was annoying. I’m happy to report that in the last week or so, that has faded also.

So, while I know that I will not be winning any awards at Canton, I have no doubt that I will be able to do it, and I will enjoy every step.

Almost forgot

2011-07-08T14:52:00.001-06:00

I was going to include a picture or two. Here’s one:

The toy elephant is a gift from Uncle Ange and Aunt Jan, and it just happened to match the onesie she was wearing the day it arrived.

This is one of my favorite expressions. Jonah did this, too, so maybe it’s a newborn thing, but I love it!

And here’s one of Jonah with his bike jersey that’s still too big (his solution was to tuck it in…I hope this is not an indication of his fashion sense), helmet, and sunglasses riding his stationary bike while watching the Tour de France.

Yes, Virginia, there are muscles in there!

2011-07-08T14:44:00.001-06:00

Last Friday I went on my first road ride since October. Since Lorien had taken two bottles at that point, I thought it would be safe to leave her with Chris. Not so…I was only gone for an hour, and Chris said she only drank an ounce from her bottle and cried the rest of the time. So then I felt guilty for the hour that I made them both miserable by not being there…

…but that hour was AWESOME for me!!! I honestly did not expect it to go that well. The point of this ride was just to see how a bike seat felt, and also to take back a little bit of freedom. I was actually missing my bike, believe it or not, and I’ve been craving the open road. At the 4-week mark, I figured that everything should be healed enough that I could handle it.

I should note that at 4 weeks post partum with Jonah, the mere thought of sitting on a bike brought tears to my eyes. Literally – I remember crying when he was one month old because winter was coming and I still couldn’t sit on a bike, and I knew I would miss the entire outdoor riding season. (I'm a wimp about riding outside in the winter, more so once I became a mom).

This time, the, uh, “injuries” I sustained during birth were less severe and everything is healing up faster. It did hurt after awhile, but I think it was just normal haven’t-been-on-a-bike-since-February discomfort. What really got my attention was that I obviously have not used certain pedaling muscles in a VERY long time! WOW. No wonder I hate my legs right now. There’s a whole group of muscles there that seem to have atrophied. I can’t wait to get them back!

I imposed a 1-hour limit on myself just sort of arbitrarily. I told Chris that I would only be gone that long if I felt absolutely awesome – but most likely I would be back sooner than that. It ended up that I actually wanted to go longer! I have no idea how far I went. I purposely kept my computer showing only the time elapsed and not speed or distance, and after the ride I reset it immediately without looking at the rest of the stats. I don’t want to know. It felt good, no reason to burst my bubble by finding out how slow it really was.

In one more week I should get cleared to swim. I am SO excited to get into the pool! Unfortunately, I will have a very limited amount of time to swim before the pool closes, and even then, the lap swim hour is during prime feeding time: 5:30-6:30 am. Once the outdoor pool is closed, I pretty much stop swimming for the year. I managed to get to an indoor pool two or three times over the fall and winter, but…really, at that rate, what's the point?

Also next week I should get clearance to start adding some intensity to my workouts. I've been running, but not longer than half an hour, and at an easy pace ("easy" being a relative term when we're talking about bouncing back from a pregnancy). I cannot wait to start sweating a little and breathing hard!

Once I get a few more workouts under my belt, I’ll make a concrete decision, but as of right now…I sorta have an idea floating around in my head. My idea is that I want to do the Canton tri in August. It is a little less than a month from now. I can run the distance, and I can bike the distance. I’m sure I can handle the swim. Not sure if I can put it all together though. This race was my first tri ever back in 2000, and this year it feels like that first time again, where the distances seem nearly insurmountable -- it might as well be Ironman. I'm honestly not sure if I can do it. Actually, I take that back. I'm sure I can. I just know it will involve an awful lot of suffering, perhaps too much to be fun. Maybe I should look into the Champaign Mini Tri instead. That one only has a 6-mile bike and 2-mile run.

There's also a free kids' tri here in Lexington in couple weeks. 50 meter swim, something like 1 mile bike (training wheels allowed), and a lap around the track.

I could pass for 12, right?

Adentures in diapering

2011-07-01T14:25:00.001-06:00

I've mentioned before that we are going with cloth diapers for Lorien, so I thought I would write a bit about how it's going and what we've learned in the first month. We did not do this with Jonah, but when he was potty training and I discovered that cleaning up his underwear messes was not that bad, I started thinking we should try cloth diapers the next time around.

Not long after that, Heather got pregnant with Aven and they decided pretty much right away that they would do cloth. They got a supply of diapers from Chris's cousins in Oregon, which they then offered to give us as Aven grew out of them. So we really didn't have anything to lose. Heather wrote a post explaining the different types of diapers, but I wanted to wait to weigh in until we actually used them for awhile.

After four weeks (the first of which we used mainly disposables), I have decided I really like it! It is SO nice not to have to spend $20 a week on diapers, or worry about running to the store all the time to buy more. Granted, I have spent sort of a lot of money on diapering "stuff", but within a month I will have saved that much by not having to continue to buy diapers. And it's nice that we never run out. Plus, they really are soft, and my guess is that they probably feel better on her than disposables.

That said, it is probably going to become a little more of a pain once I go back to work and have a harder time staying on top of laundry. And adding daycare to the mix, where I will have to pack for her every day rather than drop off a package of diapers every couple of weeks. But, I suspect that once I get into the routine, it really won't be that bad.

This is one load of laundry. For anyone interested in going this route, here is a breakdown of what we have:

From left to right (and top to bottom)

Diaper pail liner (made by Planet Wise). This goes in a regular garbage can with a lid. After a diaper change we just toss the dirty one in the pail, and on laundry day I throw the bag in with the diapers. This one is for downstairs where most diaper changes take place.
Large hanging wet-dry bag (also from Planet Wise). This is an alternative to the green bag. This one goes in her room, but we will use it for travel also because it has a zipper pocket for clean ones, too. I have a smaller version of this in the diaper bag.
Yet another wet-dry bag (Hobo bag by Wee Huggers). Right now this goes in our bedroom where I usually change her diaper at night. When she goes to daycare, this will be what we bring back and forth to the babysitter.
Next to the bags are some pocket diapers. We might send those to the babysitter, and they are what we will use whenever we have someone watch her because there is no folding or anything involved – they go on just like disposables. They also absorb wetness more than prefolds, so I think they will be good for nighttime, especially when she begins to sleep for longer stretches. I also like that they are one-size, so these diapers will fit her until she’s potty trained.
Last, on the far right are the pre-folds and covers. This is what she’s in most of the time. The covers have a waterproof lining and can be re-used unless they get poopy on them, and they go on like disposables – you just have to make sure that there are no gaps at the legs and that none of the diaper fabric is sticking out anywhere. I like the Thirsties covers – the leg gussets fit well without being too tight at the waist. I ended up buying several covers because these ended up working so well for Lorien, but there were only two in the supply I got from Heather.
I almost forgot – that little thing in the middle is called a Wee-be-gone patch, made by Wee Huggers. Toss one of these into the wet bag and it’s supposed to absorb the ammonia odor from the urine in the diapers. I haven’t noticed any smells, so I think it’s working.
One thing I would like, but I don’t want to buy because I just don’t want to buy anything else: Planet Wise has come out with a sport wet dry bag, like those little drawstring bags you get at races sometimes. It has both a wet and dry compartment for clean and dirty diapers. I think one of those would be nice for short trips where you don’t need to carry much, like spectating a race or going to the zoo or something. But honestly, I usually feel the need to carry a lot, so a regular backpack with a small wet bag would probably be better. Still, that’s an option.

Here is a close-up of one of the pocket diapers (a Bum Genius – we have another brand called Rumparooz that seems to fit better, at least in the newborn stage):

This is the newborn setting:

This is the biggest setting, which fits up to 35 lbs:

These also come with velcro closures, which is actually what I prefer. I’ve heard people say that the velcro wears out, but BumGenius sells a repair kit for $1. I’ve also heard that older babies like to undo the velcro, but Jonah never did that with his disposables.

This is why it’s called a “pocket” diaper. You stuff a microterry insert into the pocket. The lining is so absorbent that it barely feels wet, and so far the insert holds a lot for as thin as it is.

Pros to the pocket diaper:

It’s easier and faster to change – again, it goes on just like a disposable, so it’s less intimidating for people who are not accustomed to folding. We might buy more of these and send them with her to daycare for this reason.
Initially I thought the fit was better. Once I got the hang of folding the pre-folds, and also realized that Pro-Wrap (the other brand of covers we had) just didn’t work on her, I changed my mind. But these still do fit well.
Absorbent material does not feel as wet to the touch. This will be nice when she’s sleeping through the night and can (hopefully) sleep through a wet diaper without it irritating her skin.

Cons:

You have to stuff the insert into the pocket before you can use it. This can be done when you’re putting away laundry, but it’s one more step. I don’t see this as any different than the two steps (diaper + cover) that pre-folds require. They do make all-in-one (AIO) diapers, which are essentially pocket diapers with the insert sewn in. However, those are more expensive, and the insert still comes out and requires stuffing back in – not worth it in my opinion.
More of a pain than having to stuff, you also have to unstuff the insert before you wash it. Not pleasant when you’re dealing with a poopy diaper, but not that big of a deal either.
You have to wash the entire thing each time it gets wet or dirty. This creates more laundry than the pre-folds.
More expensive than pre-folds. The BumGenius retails for around $15 (I found a great deal on eBay though!) and I’m pretty sure those are the cheapest. You would probably need 24-36 of these if you wanted to do all pocket diapers. It’s still much cheaper than disposables in the long run (even when you factor in higher water bills due to all the extra laundry) but it is a higher cost up front.

This is what’s involved with pre-folds (diaper, Snappi, cover):

The Snappi is a little grippy thing that holds the diaper together, instead of pins. It’s optional. I know Heather doesn’t use it, and I didn’t either for the first week or two. But I decided that the cover goes on easier and the diaper stays put better (hence no poops getting onto the cover) with it. This is what the diaper/Snappi combo looks like on Lorien – angry baby in a wet diaper:

That diaper actually had more in it than I bargained for, but luckily nothing spilled out the sides and I was able to put the same cover back on her. This is with the cover on. Much happier. :)

Pros of pre-folds:

It’s the most economical option. I think the recommendation is to have around 30-36 pre-folds and around 10 covers. I’ve been using around that many diapers, but fewer covers, and I do laundry probably every 3 days. The pre-folds retail for under $2 each for unbleached (which I prefer because they are softer and easier to work with), and the covers start at around $10.
Less laundry. There is only one piece of cloth to wash. On laundry day I do throw in any covers that have been in rotation, but it’s still less to wash than if you used all pocket diapers.
Multi-use. Lorien is a spitter, and probably a third of the diapers in each load of laundry have been used as burp cloths rather than diapers. Also, once baby is potty trained, the diapers can be used as dust rags or something.

Cons:

It involves folding, and therefore takes longer to change. With practice I’ve gotten pretty good at it, but sometimes she squirms so much that it takes more than one try.
Not one-size-fits-all. She will grow out of the pre-folds at around 4, 5…6? months, and some of the covers before that. Then we will need a whole new set. Luckily, Heather and Andy have us covered (ha, pun accidental but I’ll go with it), but it would be a pain to have to buy all of that again.
We haven’t had issues with this yet, but I’ve heard these are not the best for night time. I think the issue can be solved by sticking in a doubler (like the insert from a pocket diaper).
I have also been told that few people use these all the way through potty training (I’m pretty sure Tim and Anna, Chris’s cousins who supplied Heather and then us with all of the diapers, did). I can sort of see why – as Jonah grew, I got really adept at changing his diaper while he was standing up. That seems nearly impossible to do with pre-folds. As Lorien gets bigger and squirmier, and eventually refuses to lay down for a diaper change, I can see how it would be easier to switch to all pocket diapers.

One more thing that will probably become essential but we haven’t used yet:

A diaper sprayer. This attaches easily to the toilet, and we’ll use it to spray off poopies once they are more solid. Breast milk poops are water soluble, so no spraying is required yet, but once she starts on baby food, that will change. I guess I’ll have to report on that in a few months. In the meantime, I’ve used this to spray off muddy shoes. Again, multi use! :)

I have also heard that flushable liners are the way to go once baby’s poop changes. You can dump the liner into the toilet and then only have to spray if/when any gets loose onto the diaper. Again, I’ll have to wait and see on that one.

And here are a couple more pictures of something not diaper-related, but that Lorien loves: the Moby Wrap! I had a sling for Jonah, but I lost the directions and I can’t get it adjusted right. It also goes over one shoulder, which aggravates my back. Heather has one of these and loves it, so I finally broke down and bought one. It.is.AWESOME.

Lorien falls asleep almost instantly whenever I wear it, and she’ll stay in it for hours (and it doesn’t hurt me). It’s really starting to heat up here, so I doubt I’ll use it outside much in the summer, but it’s a nice way to free my hands when she refuses to be put down.

Whew. That was a pretty epic post. Signing off.

Energizer Bunny

2011-06-28T17:19:00.001-06:00

She just keeps growing, and growing, and growing... (and eating, and eating, and eating...)

So at Lorien's 2-week appointment, she had gained a pound in a week. She is now 3 weeks old, and if my scale is to be trusted (which it's not -- when I got home from the hospital the damn thing told me I only lost 5 lbs when I clearly lost at least 7 lbs 13 oz.), she is now up to just over 10 lbs, or more than another pound in a week.

She hit a big growth spurt last week. I nearly forgot how draining those are. And dads, or anyone trying to offer free advice to a new mom, take note: "Maybe you need to supplement with formula" is NOT what she needs to hear. Unless you enjoy watching any and all objects at hand transform into projectile missiles aimed at your head. In that case, go ahead. Maybe even throw in a complaint about how tired YOU are, and just watch the remotes/dishes/dirty diapers fly. Otherwise, keep your trap shut.

Speaking of diapers, I am mentally working on a post about cloth diapering. Heather wrote one when she was pregnant, but I wanted to wait until we (I) had some experience with it. We’ve (I’ve – I will start using the plural once Chris’s diaper changing tally reaches beyond 2) been at it for a few weeks now and I’ve learned a lot already. Edit: it’s been awhile since I started writing this, and Chris has now changed four diapers, not two. It’s progress. :)

So all I did last week was park myself on the sofa for a few days straight and alternate between watching Super Why with Jonah or the 24-hour coverage of the Casey Anthony trial. (I cannot stand Nancy Grace, but something is wrong with me because dang I am morbidly fascinated with this trial.)

If growth spurts are not hard enough, try adding a busy 3-year-old who decided to choose now to stop napping, plus the fact that Chris went back to work and it was my first day of having both kids by myself all day, and it's a recipe for a rough week. Everywhere I hear people say "I don't know how people with two kids do it." Yeah, well, neither do I.

Apparently we are doing it. We are all surviving, and we're even all healthy. For some reason, Jonah has suddenly started eating healthier. The child has eaten chicken, broccoli, spinach...but also suckers. And cookies. Still. He is suddenly open to trying new foods, and I am appreciative of not having to make him a separate dinner anymore.

We have had our share of misadventures, of course. Last Monday, the aforementioned first-day-on-my-own venture, I realized exactly how difficult it is to do this on my own when I was nursing Lorien for about the 15th time before noon, and Jonah informed me that he needed to poop. He still needs help getting on his potty seat for that, so I asked if he could wait a few minutes until I finished. It was an emergency, though (why does he always wait until it's an emergency???) so I eventually pulled her off to go help him, at which point the baby started screaming her head off.

I hoped Jonah would do his business and get off the potty, but who am I kidding. Jonah likes to take his time, have a chat, read a few magazines. I kept asking, "Are you done now?"

"I'm done pooping, but I'm just going to sit here for awhile." He picks up a copy of Chris's latest Mother Earth News magazine and starts thumbing through it. Ok, suit yourself. I go back to Lorien. No sooner had she started back up again than Jonah throws the magazine down and announces that he's ready to get off the potty now. He needs help with the clean-up, too, so again I pull the baby off, again she starts screaming bloody murder.

The next time, around 7:00 (Chris was still not home yet) Jonah decided he wouldn't wait for me. Because of course I am nursing Lorien again. Seriously, that's all I did, all day. Jonah was at the point of desperation, and he finally said "Fine, forget it, I'll just do it myself." (Huh, wonder where he learned that?) I was so exhausted by this point that I just let him. A minute later, I hear him cry out "Mom, I did it!"

"Good job, I'm so proud of you!"

"But I spilled some poop."

Oh. "That's ok, we can clean it up."
"It's on my pants."
"We'll get you new pants." Or let you run around half naked is more like it.
"It's on the potty, too."
Ugh. "It's ok, we can clean it."

"There's some on the floor, too."

"That's ok, I'll clean the floor." Where the hell is Chris???

Lorien is very fussy at this point, probably full but unwilling to stop. We are both drenched, because she keeps spitting up and then wanting to go back for more. Since I'm already covered in baby vomit, what's a little poopie? I set her down (she screams) and go help Jonah.

Things have been getting steadily easier, although Jonah continues to not nap and to choose baby feeding time to need to poop. Otherwise, I'm managing. Our big development this morning is that Lorien finally took a bottle! Granted, she would only take it from me, probably because I'm the one she associates with food, but it's a start. It can't be long before she'll accept it from other people, and now suddenly freedom looms large on the horizon! I could get a babysitter! I could go for a bike ride!

This morning after her bottle, I went for a run. I probably should have slept, but eh. She's been sleeping in four-hour stretches at night, which means that, after pumping, I get 3. I slept from 10pm-1am and then 2am-almost 5. That's two 3-hour stretches! I feel like I could run a freaking marathon after that!

Until I tried to run 3 miles, at which point I was quickly reminded that, um, I just had a baby 3 weeks ago! There will be no marathon for me today.

For as much as I've always compared childbirth to Ironman and marathons, this is where the similarities end: the recovery. Most of my 5k PRs have come within a few weeks of marathons or Ironman races. After giving birth...well, it's going to take a little bit longer. It's becoming easier and less painful each time I go out, but I am still a long way from feeling normal. I don't think I have any permanent pelvic bone damage from the end of pregnancy, which my doctor mentioned was something to keep an eye on. So that's good. But it is definitely slow going.

It's especially slow pushing the stroller. I thought Jonah was done with the jogging stroller, but I took him out in it for the first time in a year and he loved it.

(As fun as it was, though, I did get tired of hearing, "Mommy, why is your tummy still big? Why are you slow right now? When you get in shape, will you be as fast as Dad?" He keeps me humble, that's for sure.)

Last thing -- I am trying to be better about accepting help now and then rather than insisting that I can do everything by myself. It is surprisingly hard... But Elaine watched Jonah for me over the weekend while Chris was at a wedding, and she and a friend have both contributed some meals. I am promising myself to actually follow up once in awhile when people offer to help.

Ok, time's up. I was going to take a shower after my run this morning, but I spent too long writing this. Oh well. I showered on Sunday. What is today, Tuesday? When did I start writing this? Friday? I don't remember. Time to be done.

Two weeks

2011-06-19T09:02:00.001-06:00

Lorien was two weeks old on Friday, and she is already growing up too fast! At her doctor appointment on Thursday, she weighed 8 lbs 10 oz (almost a full pound over her birth weight and more than a pound since her appointment last week) and 20.5 inches (a whole inch from last week)! I was a little bit alarmed at the numbers -- it seems like she is eating a bit too frequently sometimes and I was afraid I was overfeeding her. But my doctor said that it is normal for breastfed babies to get a little rounder quicker than bottle-fed babies, and that it evens out soon enough.

The past two weeks, while far from easy, have not been nearly as stressful as I'd feared. For one thing, I've done this before. I am a lot more confident with feeding and sleeping issues than I was with Jonah. Breastfeeding is hard work if you've never done it before (and it's still not the easiest thing in the world even if you have) -- you are always worrying, "Am I getting enough? Am I overfeeding? Should I be on a stricter schedule? Should I not worry about scheduling? They say it's not supposed to hurt but it does -- am I doing it wrong?" (Not necessarily. I don't care what anyone says: at least in the beginning, it HURTS. Even when you do it right. And even if you've done it before.)

But at least this time I know how to read the baby a little better, and I also know that whatever I do, whether I feed her after an hour and a half instead of three, or let her go half an hour longer than I "should," it will all be ok in the end. She is getting nourishment and love, and in the first few weeks, that is the most important. A routine will fall into place in time.

The other thing taking a lot of stress away from this new baby experience is that Lorien herself is really a pretty easy baby (although I probably shouldn't have said that -- I've read that colic usually doesn't present itself until 2 weeks or a month or something...). First off, it continues to surprise us how much different it is to have had a full term baby instead of a preemie. Jonah was a good baby, too, and he was amazingly healthy for how early he was, but it wasn't until the past two weeks that I realized how much harder he had it starting off. An extra month and change inside the womb really does make a huge difference. Lorien typically has at least one long stretch of sleep at night where I have to wake her up to feed her, and she really does not cry much unless she's hungry. Jonah was still waking up every 2-3 hours even at 3 months when I went back to work.

Also, I have to keep in mind that we are still in the newborn stage -- which means she sleeps a lot. This is something I remember looking back on once Jonah reached the age where he started waking up to the world and getting more active. It was fun and exciting, but I remember thinking "Why didn't I take advantage of all that sleeping while I had the chance????" Lorien is starting to become more alert for longer periods. This morning, for instance, she was awake at 6:30, and now finally at 9:45 I was able to put her down and eat something with two hands. (Part of that is my own fault -- she was ok for awhile in her swing watching the mobile above her, and instead of grabbing breakfast then, I threw in a load of laundry and did some dishes -- where are my priorities?)

Finally, my saving grace has been that Chris is staying home from work for pretty much the entire month of June. (Edit: nevermind, he decided to go back starting tomorrow.) He and Jonah have been doing some great bonding. They're even camping together this weekend -- I'm jealous, but Lorien is not quite ready for that yet. Things are about to get a lot harder once he goes back to work. Thankfully, Jonah has been more patient than we had any right to expect from a 3-year-old, but unfortunately, his patience is wearing thin.

On my end, I am tired of looking pregnant. I want my belly button to be an "innie" again (what if it doesn’t go back this time?). I know it will take time, and that it is not safe (and probably not possible) to try to take weight off too quickly, so I'm working on patience myself. I did finally get a run in, though! It was short, slow, and creaky, but wonderful! The first step is always the hardest, so it's nice to have that one done. With Chris and Jonah gone and Lorien too small for the jog stroller, I haven't been able to go again (I learned my lesson last summer about running on the treadmill in the attic in June), but hopefully tomorrow.

In the meantime, Lorien and I took a long walk yesterday afternoon. The verdict on that: I'm ready for a new baby sling -- either I can never get that thing adjusted right, or she just doesn't like it. I can't find the directions, so I'm going from memory. Jonah always liked it, but Lorien fusses most of the time and yesterday I eventually took her out and just carried her. The walk was not what I'd hoped....

So, while things have been going relatively smoothly, that does not mean we are all rested and stress-free around here. Far from it, and we are about to embark on even more stressful times as both kids get more demanding and we start to enter"real" life again. But this too will pass. Jonah's continued sweetness and Lorien's little sleep smiles are enough to get me through anything.

Lorien Dawn

2011-06-06T20:19:00.001-06:00

Official stats: 7lbs 13 oz, 19 inches. Born at 2:25 pm on June 3rd, 2011.

Lorien = yes, it is from Lord of the Rings. The forest of the elves is called Lothlorien. Mostly, we just thought it was pretty. I do hope that my daughter will become a creature of the forest, so to speak, in which case her name will be entirely fitting. I have a feeling her dad will see to that. :)

Dawn = my mother's middle name, in keeping with our trend of giving our children the middle name of our parents (Jonah's middle name, Allen, is both Chris's and his dad's). But dawn also implies hope, optimism, light, and rejuvenation. Perfect.

She is healthy and beautiful, and Jonah has been an astonishingly sweet big brother so far – hopefully he will keep it up once the novelty wears off!

I didn’t realize how huge a difference 6 weeks makes until watching Lorien move around and interact. She took to nursing immediately (Jonah had a little bit of a learning curve since he was so tiny), she is already holding her head up and looking around (Jonah’s head was so heavy that he couldn’t do that right away), and while her sleep schedule is not routine by any means yet, her first few nights have been quite a bit easier. It’s still hard to believe that he was over 2 lbs smaller than her.

Our first family photo – I’m swollen everywhere, but I love how Jonah is excitedly showing off his “I’m a new brother!” button. He insisted on wearing it every time he came to the hospital. :)

She already has a few distinct personality characteristics, but I cannot wait to get to know her more. She just rounds out our family perfectly.

How’s June 3rd for a birthday?

2011-06-02T08:49:00.001-06:00

At my last appointment, my doctor brought up the possibility of induction if the baby stuck it out for another week. At the time, I sort of brushed off the idea, because I didn’t want to risk forcing her to be born when she wasn’t ready, just for my own convenience.

That said, in the last week, I have suddenly become much more open to the idea. It would be an exaggeration to say that my body is falling apart, but a few things have developed, and without going into detail, it is starting to look like a better and better idea to just get her out. If you’ve read the Twilight books (and yes, I will admit to plowing through the entire series over spring break a couple years ago – no doubt trying to procrastinate on a research paper or something), some of what’s been happening reminds me a little of Bella’s pregnancy in the last book – albeit on a very, VERY scaled-down level. (I don’t think this girl is a human-vampire hybrid, for instance….)

I went in on Tuesday for another check, and I am close enough to 4cm that we decided to go ahead and schedule an induction for Friday. I was sort of hoping that the mere act of scheduling it would mean that she would decide to come on her own before then, but it looks like she’s sticking it out. So, barring any sudden events in the meantime, tomorrow morning at 7, we’re heading in!

This will also ensure that my parents get to meet their granddaughter while they’re here – which is nice, since that is the entire reason they flew out and all. If everything goes well, we should be out of the hospital and home for a couple days before they fly back.

I am SO excited, but, naturally, now that it really is here, I’m suddenly nervous to move out of what has become a somewhat comfortable life. We had a lazy morning (it feels like a Saturday since I’m not working!), and Jonah crawled into bed with us for a few minutes before we got up. As I snuggled with him and listened to his random 3-year-old chatter, all I could think was that this little boy has no idea how much his life is about to change. I told him that his baby sister was finally going to come tomorrow, and he got excited and said “OH BOY! I thought she was NEVER going to come out!” That makes two of us.

Then we ate breakfast on the porch (and watched some diggers tear up the street right in front of our house as part of the new sewer project in town – wonderful timing) and played with cars for awhile. The last morning I will be able to do this with him. I know he is going to be a wonderful big brother, and I am dying to meet his baby sister, but a part of me feels guilty already that I will no longer be able to give him all of my attention (and that the baby will always have to share the spotlight). I guess Mommy Guilt never really goes away – it just takes on different forms. Part of the territory.

So in about 24 hours, I should be in a good deal of pain. But hopefully by mid-afternoon, I will have a daughter. I will know her face and her name (we have a name that we are about 80% sure of, but it’s still unofficial). I’ve realized that I have been waiting for her my entire life, and now I only have one more day left. This is going to be the longest 24 hours in history.

Last appointment? Let’s hope.

2011-05-27T11:14:00.001-06:00

Still no baby.

So, off I went to my doctor appointment this week. The one I almost didn’t make because I figured there would be no point. Everyone thought the baby would be here by then, even my doctor.

It started off with a bit of a surprise. At my last weigh-in, I was 0.3lbs away from hitting a new “decade” on the scale, and it’s one I never thought I would see. Even if it is all going straight to the baby in these last weeks, I still wasn’t anxious to hit that number today. I have gained more than the “typical” 25-35 lbs. that all the books say you’re supposed to gain, and today I didn’t even want to look at the scale. So I closed my eyes.

“You lost a pound.”

What?? I opened my eyes, and sure enough. YES!!! Wait. No! That’s not how it’s supposed to work. Is that ok? The nurse said it’s fine, and relatively common toward the end. It’s probably because I can’t fit as much food into me at each meal, and nothing to worry about. Ok then! It did kind of feel nice to see the scale move in that direction after only watching it shoot up uncontrollably for the last 9 months.

Then came the doctor. “I thought I would be seeing you earlier in the week! Maybe we didn’t need to do those shots after all!” My thoughts exactly. (So…can I get a refund then?) They did provide a lot of peace of mind, though, and for that alone they were probably worth it. And who knows, maybe she really would have come early if I hadn’t done them. Still, this is longer than most people go after getting them, so maybe things would have been fine without them. It’s water under the bridge now, but I do wonder.

My stats this week were 90% and 3cm. “I know I’ve said this before, but it really could be any day now. I can’t guarantee that it will be this weekend, but at least by next week.” What does that mean? By the end of the week? No good. I need it to be sooner than that. Then she asked if I had any plans for the Memorial Day weekend.

Hopefully having a baby! I told her my parents were flying in today (maybe the baby is just waiting for them!), and that they are leaving on the 8th, so she needs to get here pronto. I always assumed that a flight date this late would mean they would miss her birth. Now I’m afraid that flying back in less than 2 weeks will mean the same thing.

She said that if nothing has happened by Tuesday I could come in and get another cervix check, because sometimes those help move things along. And, if she still hasn’t come by Friday (my next appointment that I really didn’t think I’d need to schedule) we could talk about induction.

Induction??? That is a not word I ever thought I would associate with myself. “It’s up to you, but if you’re really uncomfortable and you’re worried that the baby will miss meeting her grandparents, you’d be far enough along that it would be perfectly fine.”

Oh, wow. The way she phrased it…it does sound tempting. But no, I don’t think so. I know what is involved in that, and I don’t think I want it. As much as I want her to get here, for all of our sakes, I will probably wait until she is good and ready to come out on her own. Unless she goes past her due date – buzzer goes off then, ready or not.

Baby, you made your point. You are not your brother. You are not predictable. You are your own person. Duly noted. If this is just a battle of wills, it’s a lost cause, kiddo. One way or another you are going to come out. We can do it the easy(-er) way, or the hard way. You have a lot of people who are dying to meet you, so let’s do us all a favor and get this party started. Please?

Finish Line, where are you?

2011-05-24T07:48:00.001-06:00

I have officially reached Week 38. Not a week I thought I would see with a baby still in here. I’m not working this week (because I thought the baby would be here by now!) and I’m about to go for a walk, and maybe even try a run, in the hopes that it will move things along. I don’t think I would be this impatient if I hadn’t been expecting an early baby all along, but since I just assumed it would have happened a week ago, I feel like I’m overdue. I am ready to hold my baby girl. In my ARMS.

I had a minor scare and went to the hospital on Sunday because I hadn’t felt her move all morning. You’re supposed to feel 10 movements per hour, and even after I had some sugar and caffeine hoping to give her a jolt, I still wasn’t feeling anything. The scariest part was that there was a knee or something jutting out by my side, and usually when I press on any part of her that it sticking out, she pulls back. This time she didn’t. All morning. So I freaked out and went to the hospital. Thankfully Elaine and Al were coming over while Chris was at his mountain bike race, and Elaine was able to come with me.

Everything is fine. The nurse said babies sometimes slow down in their movements as labor nears (good!), or that she could have shifted into a position that just made it harder to feel her (less good, but still fine). And baby girl started moving as soon as they strapped on the fetal monitor. The monitor showed that I was having contractions all over the place, but still just pre-labor ones.

“But they could transition to true labor at any time.” I’m getting really tired of hearing that it could be anytime now. Of course, that is what I’m telling myself all the time, too.

She also said I am experiencing a lot of “uterine irritability.” No kidding. My poor uterus. Can you blame it for being irritable?

Really, it HAS to be anytime. Even if I were to go all the way to my due date, it’s only 2 weeks away. Technically, though, I could still have up to 3 or 4 weeks – but we don’t need to think about that. Jonah said it would be today! And my doctor told me “early next week.” It IS early next week. Tomorrow will be “the middle of next week.”

Don’t tell me they measured the course wrong. A marathon is 26.2 miles. If the race ends up being 26.5 miles, you get a lot of angry runners. That extra .3 makes a HUGE difference. I have arbitrarily decided that tomorrow is my 26.2 mile marker. Of course, if it does end up being 26.5, I will not just sit down in protest and refuse to go the extra .3. I won’t really have a choice. But I will NOT be happy about it one little bit.

I will definitely be writing a strongly-worded letter to the race director.

Almost at week 38–and almost done!

2011-05-21T15:32:00.001-06:00

Still pregnant -- but not for much longer! I really thought that Wednesday was it. After school I started feeling contractions that were stronger than any I've felt lately, and they were radiating from my back. In all of my Google searches the past week about how to tell pre-labor contractions from early labor, that is one thing that kept coming up. I also started feeling shaky and nauseous. On my drive home from work I even timed them: 10 minutes apart.

Then around 5:30 or so they just stopped. Well, they didn't stop completely, but they went back to feeling mildly crampy, and have stayed that way ever since. Every now and then I'll get a strong one, but so far they are increasing in frequency or duration at all. Baby is still moving around fine, so I'm not worried.

At my weekly appointment, my doctor asked about our weekend plans. I told her that Chris is planning to do a mountain bike race on Sunday. (I'm wondering if this will be the catalyst we need to get things moving -- he was supposed to do a mountain bike race the day Jonah was born, too. Naturally, he skipped it.) She raised an eyebrow and said "Well, just see how crampy you're feeling in the morning before you let him go that far away." (It's about an hour away.)

So I asked Chris to see if they have race-day registration. :)

The doctor's ultimate prediction was that I would probably make it through the weekend (and she said it like that, with a lot of hedging about lasting through Sunday), but that beyond that it's anyone's guess. She thinks most likely early next week.

Jonah thinks Tuesday. I'm inclined to believe him. (Seriously, if I end up getting a C-section on Tuesday, I am really going to start wondering about him.)

I was hoping for Friday as soon as I got home from work. That didn't happen, so sometime this evening would be ok. From here on out, I'm ok with anytime. Although, if I could just make one tiny request, it would be for us not to have to go to the hospital in the middle of the night. We're still not sure to do with Jonah if that happens.

I was telling some friends that this whole experience reminds me of those annoying races that do not have mile markers, and you have no idea how much farther you have to run, or where the finish line is. And you keep thinking to yourself "It HAS to be coming up soon!" because you don't know how much longer you can keep up that pace, and all the spectators are yelling at you, "You're almost there!" You pass someone that tells you "Only a quarter mile left!" and after what feels like about a quarter mile, you pass another person that tells you, "Only a quarter mile left!" (Moral of the story: never EVER listen to the spectators. They are the ones also telling you "You're looking great!" They mean well, but they're full of it.)

So, since the finish line did not come into view this morning, I went to a cloth diapering class that I found at a shop in Bloomington. It is called PinStripes and PolkaDots, and is actually run out of someone's home, but it's awesome! If you do even a cursory search about cloth diapers, you will quickly realize that there is no one method or style of diaper, and it is easy to get overwhelmed. She has EVERYTHING. It was nice to be able to look at all of it and touch it and work with it rather than read descriptions and see pictures online.

The class was overcrowded. Sarah, the woman running it, said the last class she did had three women, and all of them happened to know what they wanted already, and it was all the same thing. So that class went fast. In mine, there were 12 of us, and I think I was the only one who did not drag my husband or mother with me. So 24 people, plus a few babies, all crowded into her living room. I knew I wanted pre-folds (because that's what I'm getting from Heather! But it is the most economical, and probably what I would have chosen anyway) with maybe a few pocket diapers for overnight. Others in the class wanted other systems, and many had no idea. So we went over EVERYTHING, and the class lasted forever. It was supposed to go from 9-12, and it really did.

I learned a lot, but I'm not sure how much of it I absorbed. I'm really glad to have found her, though. It will be SO convenient to have her right there -- this is one of those things that I feel more comfortable buying in person than online. Today I ended up getting half a dozen more pre-folds (more are coming in mail, and Heather just sent us 10 newborn covers) and two pocket diapers. I practiced on one of Jonah's teddy bears when I got home. :) They are so darn cute, and I can't wait to try it on a real baby!

Now that I know I (probably) only have days left of being pregnant, I am even more excited! But I'm still dying to know, how much farther is the finishing line? A quarter mile? Do I start my finishing kick yet?

If I get to where I think the finish line should be (which I'm going to call, say, Wednesday of next week) and someone shouts "Only a quarter mile left!" I'm going to...well...just keep running, I guess.

Full Term!

2011-05-16T08:21:00.008-06:00

I may be jumping the gun a little bit here, but I'm "turning" 37 weeks tomorrow, which means I will officially have made it to full term! Yeah!

Ok, that was great. Now she can come. Even if I'm still one day short of technically being full term, I'm ready enough.

At my weekly appointment on Friday, I had progressed from 50% and 1cm to 80% and almost 2 cm. The first thing the doctor said was, "Well, there's her head! She's ready to go!"

Whoa. "You can feel her head?" I gotta say that freaked me out just a little. Though that would explain why I'm totally done running now. It is just too uncomfortable -- it feels like the baby is literally going to just drop out.

And that is definitely not part of my birth plan.

The doctor's hunch was that it would be within the next two weeks. "I don't think you're going to make it to your due date, but I'll bet it will be somewhere around week 38."

So...she's right there, close enough to be able to FEEL HER HEAD, but she's going to stay like that for 2 weeks?

Maybe. But maybe not.

I really thought something was up yesterday. I most definitely felt contractions, but the million-dollar question was (is) are they "real" contractions or Braxton-Hicks? Braxton-Hicks are "practice contractions" that you begin feeling usually in the 2nd trimester. It just feels like tightening, and is often hard to distinguish from the baby's movements. They are not painful or regular. Yesterday I started feeling more of those, only they were a little bit different in a way that's hard to explain. So...real?

I hopped onto The Google, which everyone knows is the most reliable source of medical information, and eventually diagnosed myself as being in "pre-labor." Which, naturally, could go on for up to two weeks.

Great. Yet again, this is no help whatsoever. My doctor already guessed it would be in the next two weeks. I need a DATE. I don't like waking up each morning and evaluating, "Do I feel ok? Is anything going on in there? No...don't think so...Ok, I'm going to work!" and then all day being nervous that something will happen suddenly at work.

I think I'm about as ready as I will ever be. I spent the weekend cooking meals to freeze and cleaning (again, thank you, Elaine!!!). My grades are updated and lesson plans are as organized as I can get them.

As much as I'm trying to relax about things, my nerves must still be a little frayed. The other night at dinner, Jonah had his third meltdown of the night, and this began what must have been for Chris one of the most horrific family dinners we've ever had.

Jonah has started to become very in tune with his feelings lately, and when he gets upset with us, his big thing is to accuse us of hurting his feelings. I don't remember what triggered this one, but it was probably nothing more earth-shattering than making him eat dinner before he could have an M&M cookie. He started sobbing and quickly lost all control over himself and screamed at us over and over "You're not being nice! I'm mad at you! You're hurting my feelings!" Seeing as how I had already dealt with two other similar tantrums that night (not typical for Jonah), I was in no mood to deal with another one. But this time the "you're hurting my feelings" struck a chord, and I thought about all of the times in the coming months that I really will unintentionally but unavoidably hurt his feelings.

It goes without saying that I'm not going to have as much time for him. But as much as I've tried to warn him, I don't think he gets that. I'm not going to be able to get up and take him on a bike ride to the park on a moment's notice during the summer (I'm not sure if/how I'll be able to bike us anywhere, actually).

After his bath, my sweet boy still likes to sit on my lap wrapped in his towel and have me hold him for a few minutes. I LOVE that part of my day, and I don't want that to fall by the wayside when there is a second child also demanding my attention.

The idea of losing some of those moments suddenly made me a little weepy. I was not doing a very good job holding it in, but when Chris and Jonah returned to the table after Jonah calmed down a little, I completely lost it.

So Jonah and I are both crying at the dinner table, but still trying to eat. I can't even explain why I'm crying, and obviously Jonah can't either. Poor Chris just sat across from us not knowing what to do. Eventually, my crying shocked Jonah enough that he stopped, and kept asking me why I was crying for real like him. Later he told me, "Mom, when you cry for real, you need to just take a deep breath and calm down. That's what I do."

(Really? Since when?)

Still. Good advice from my 3-year-old that I will take into consideration next time. Because I have no doubt that there will be a next time.

The sooner this baby is born, the sooner we can all start adjusting and figuring out how to be a family of four. I feel like it will be a long road, and I'm ready to get going. Come on, baby!

Week 36 -- no baby yet!

2011-05-10T09:41:00.004-06:00

Still here. Still waiting. Still nervous.

I got my weekly pregnany update email today, and in it was a little statistic that first births typically take just under twice as long as subsequent births, and that the average first-timer's labor takes 15-18 hours. Jonah took 12. So that means we might be looking at only 6-7 hours this time!

Why is that suddenly not as exciting as it sounded when I first read it?

I've sort of reached a milestone at 36 weeks, because by the end of the week I will officially be considered full term. The fact that I've lasted this long, and that I KNOW it could be anytime now is really starting to mess with my head.

With Jonah, everything happened so suddenly and caught me so off guard that there was no time to be nervous. This time is different. I am terrified out of my mind that something will happen while I'm teaching! That is the LAST parting image I want to leave my students with!

Although, another statistic I read said that only 10-15% of women have their water break before the onset of recognizable labor. What are the odds that I'd be in that minority twice?

Then again, they also said it would be a trickle, not a gush. SHOWS WHAT YOU KNOW, babycenter.com!!!

So, if that were to happen...what would I do? My school is about 45 minutes away from the hospital -- probably shouldn't drive myself. Would they have to call an ambulance? How embarrassing! That does NOT need to happen.

But, if it must, please let it be during Spanish IV! That is my most mature class, and they have been pretty involved, at least compared to my other classes. They actually threw me a baby shower last week, and they have all taken bets on the arrival date.

Tomorrow is my last progesterone shot. Then there will be no more artificially administered chemicals keeping this baby in. I will be on my own. And, I can say with almost certainty, I will be milliseconds away from a panic attack at all times.

Approach with caution.

Reality Check

2011-05-06T15:39:00.001-06:00

I just got back from the doctor, and the verdict is: I am definitely going to have a baby. SOON. Maybe. Probably.

As always, she checked my fundal height (where she measures my belly with a little tape measure) and she noted that "Wow, you really are out of space. Baby is taking up all the room in there!" I've noticed. The baby's head is very low, and she reaches all the way up into my ribs. Again, not news to me. Her head is so low that I've definitely got the pregnancy waddle going on now.

Then I had my first cervix check. I haven't been feeling like anything is "happening," so I was sort of expecting her to say that everything was all sealed up tight and we're good for another week.

But as I'm waiting for the news, she says, "Hmm. Are you feeling any contractions yet?"

No? I don't think so. Am I?

Probably not, but it turns out I am 50% effaced and 1cm dilated.

Whoa, what??? Dilated? That means...it's starting! Right? (I'm pretty sure those are the same numbers I had when I got to the hospital with Jonah.)

Sort of. It just means I am nearing the end. It is not uncommon for women to walk around 2 or 3 cm dilated for weeks. In the nurse's words, "It could be tomorrow (gulp) or three weeks from now."

Not tomorrow! At least, not until tomorrow night when Chris gets home! Plus, it was the nurse that I saw today because my doctor has the flu. I don't want to have the baby while my doctor is sick! I don't want a sub on final exam day! (Although that is what I did to my Spanish IV today.)

The nurse did not seem the least bit concerned. This is all very normal. And of course I called my mom right away, and she also assured me that I'm right where I should be for almost 36 weeks.

The nurse did say that if I went into labor tomorrow (stop saying that!!!) they wouldn't try to stop it because I'm close enough to full term now.

She left off with, "See you next week, if not before then!" At this point I just gave a dazed nod, because all of a sudden I feel like my list of things to do, that I thought I was pretty on top of, suddenly got about a thousand things added to it.

I need to make and freeze some food.

I need to buy more diapers -- we're going try cloth this time as soon as Aven grows out of her size small prefolds, but she's only 4 months old. Who knows how long that will be. Didn't think that one through quite enough.

I need to organize her dresser drawers and closet.

I need to clean the floors. (I have a dog and a 3-year-old -- I always need to clean the floors.)

I need to clean Steen's fish tank.

I need to grade!

I need to...I don't even know, but surely I need to do a LOT of things, and apparently I'm REALLY running out of time to do them!

The one thing I am looking forward to: Whenever she does come, whether it's tomorrow (which it won't be!) or three weeks from now, none of it will really matter. Time will stop for a few days, and while the world will go on spinning for everyone else, we will just be absorbed in our new baby girl. Those first few days are actually the most peaceful (relatively speaking -- just wait until you get home!), because you are obligated to do nothing but get to know your new baby. Stuff at work will get taken care of. Floors might remain messy, but you won't care so much. There will be time to organize dresser drawers later (I always rearrange a few times anyway). I need to calm down.

Still, with every tiny twinge of movement I feel now, I think, "Was that a contraction???" I'm on high alert from now on!

Approaching 35 weeks -- getting ready!

2011-04-26T09:46:00.023-06:00

Tomorrow Baby Sweet turns 35 weeks. Which means that today is the equivalent of the day Jonah was born. So far no signs of labor, which means that as of 2:41pm, I will officially be the most pregnant I have ever been. I'm sort of taking it for granted that things will work differently this time, but of course there are no guarantees. Still, at my last doctor appointment I asked (again), "So, these shots really work, right?" She told me that in all the time they have been administering them, only one or two people have not made it to week 36 or 37. That is GREAT news!

Because...almost everyone I know is going to be out of town next weekend. I do not wish to go into labor while my husband is in Texas.

The other day Chris asked if I could please make it go faster this time. "Because that took a long time." He was joking, so I just laughed (and pointed out that, long as it felt, 12 hours is actually on the shorter side of normal).

And then later, I thought, "Wait, what?"

Ok. Having been on both the athlete and the spectator sides of Ironman, I understand that spectating is hard work. It's a long day for everyone. In some respects, spectating, although not more physically difficult, is more emotionally stressful than actually racing.

But this is NOT Ironman! Hell, he even got to take a LUNCH BREAK!

(Which reminds me, I need to add more food to the hospital bag. Once you get to the hospital, it's all ice chips.)

In all fairness, Chris really was fantastic that day. It has to be hard watching your wife experience a pain you cannot even remotely imagine and be completely powerless to help. He provided exactly the right amount of support without overdoing it. I am usually a very "GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE" type person when I am hurt or sick, but I'm happy to report that I did not ever yell at him to shut up or curse him for "doing this to me" the entire time. A repeat of that would be nice.

I'm also hoping I will be able to recognize the signs earlier. It's just that contractions do not start out feeling like contractions. I'm still not exactly sure how I'll be able to tell what is and what is not one. When we got to the hospital last time, as the nurse was hooking me up to a fetal monitor, she asked if I was feeling contractions. I said no. Just then the monitor beeped on, and she said, "Actually, it looks like you're having one right now." I couldn't feel anything. The next time the machine told me I was having one, I sort of felt a little bit of something kind of like a minor cramp. That's it. Barely perceptible. (The nurse assured me that they get more intense after your water breaks, and of course, they did.)

People ask me all the time if I'm ready to be done. I don't know how to answer that. Organizationally (is that a word?), NO. I still don't even have a substitute yet for school! But because I can only freak out about one thing at a time, I have been paying more attention to getting this grad class taken care of. My final paper is due tonight, and then I have to catch up on grading (the guidance secretary is seriously going to have my head if my grades aren't up to date before I go into labor!). So maybe toward the middle of the week it will really start to worry me that they haven't found a replacement for the last few weeks. But not yet.

Physically, I am definitely getting ready. In fact, I would venture to say that I am really, really tired of being pregnant. Even though it is a magical and beautiful time, and most likely the last time I will get to experience this, and life is a lot less complicated than it will once she's out, and etc., I am over it.

And I curse all of you out there with normal-length to long torsos! One of the things I have always hated about my body is that I have the world's shortest torso. There is not even a hand width of space between my ribs and my hips (and I'm talking thumb-to-pinky, not wrist-to-fingertip). I really wonder if part of the reason I went early last time is because I just ran out of room in here.

When people comment on how big I seem, they almost always follow with "It's because there's just nowhere for the baby to go but out!"

That sort of used to annoy me, because when my sister-in-law Heather was pregnant and didn't pop out as early as I did, everyone told her, "It's because you're so athletic." I wanted to raise my hand and say, "Hello? I was, too!"

But they're right. There isn't anywhere else for this baby to go.

I feel painfully full in here, and I honestly don't know how my stomach is going to stretch anymore. In fact, I think I might be getting stretch marks around my belly button. I was lucky enough not to get them last time, so I don't actually know what they look like (and I have no desire to Google images of that, thanks). But, shiny like scar tissue? Kinda looks like brusies? On second thought, maybe they really are bruises -- her kicks HURT lately!

Or it could be bruised because I cannot seem to keep it from bumping into EVERYTHING.

I am feeling constant pressure on all of my internal organs simultaneously, including a lot more pressure on my lungs than I remember feeling with Jonah. I will be just sitting doing nothing, and suddenly I will feel a big push like someone is jumping on my chest (because someone is). And I'll start panting and trying to catch my breath like I've just finished a hard interval on the track or something.

Which I actually sort of enjoy when I'm in the middle of 9 x Yasso 800's. Not so much when I'm just making dinner.

So, physically, ready. I want my body back. But I will put up with whatever discomfort is required for her to be healthy. Because that is really what has been keeping me up at night lately. We were incredibly blessed with Jonah -- he is such a bright, happy, and healthy little boy! I am terrified out of my mind that we will not get so lucky twice. I just want to see her and hold her and know whether she is healthy or not. She feels healthy, from what I can tell. Meaning she never stays still in here. But I cannot wait to see her with my own eyes, and hold her in my arms.

And then make Chris carry her around for awhile.

So...maybe 2? 3? 4??? weeks left? O. M. G.

Two weeks

2011-04-17T21:26:00.017-06:00

Two. If this baby decides to be born at the same time that Jonah was, we have exactly two weeks from today.

I do have four weeks of shots left, so hopefully we have at least five weeks.

But still. We are getting close, and as excited as I am to meet my little girl, I am also getting somewhat freaked out.

But I am also getting ready, sort of. Chris put together a pre-baby to-do list, which includes all kinds of things that are probably going to extend into a post-baby to-do list, but I'm glad there is a list.

Over the weekend I cleaned and installed the baby's carseat, re-learned the trick to setting up and taking down the pack-n-play, and got all the baby bottles and feeding stuff out. There is still a surprising amount of "gear" we need to buy, but we do still have at least two weeks, right?

Here are a few pictures of the kids' rooms now that they are mostly done:

First, some "before" pictures of Jonah's room. The entire room, including the ceiling, was covered in teal wallpaper (or maybe patterned wallpaper that had been painted teal?). All of the layers of paint and wallpaper were not coming off well, so we decided to just drywall over it. Two of the other walls had wallpaper over some boards over some plastic ("insulation?") over the walls. I spent one of our first nights in the house tearing down the boards, and it became pretty clear pretty fast that we were going to have to just re-drywall the whole room. This is one of the bigger holes in the wall under the boards.

I've made reference to the broken window before, I think. This is the one I was talking about -- duct tape holding it together.

This is how his room looks right now. Much better! It's still waiting on new windows (but we have them! Maybe next weekend if it's not raining.)

For the first few days in the new room, he was really excited about his closet. The pull chain is long enough that he can reach it, Chris put low hooks on the doors, and one bar for clothes is low enough for him. The novelty has worn off some and it's not that fun anymore for him to pick out his own shirt in the morning, but it's still nice that he can do it himself. (How long before he can hang up his own clothes?)

And, because it's been awhile, this is what I look like now. Or, as of last week. This is the baby's room, still blue from when it was Jonah's room. Later that day Elaine and I painted it light green.

And I would just like it to be known that the night before this picture was taken, I put the crib together. By myself. At almost 8 months pregnant.

(I have to brag on myself when I can -- it's not often that I get to take credit for handiwork around here.)

Front view. I can't get over how round it is!

And this is the baby's room after its new paint job. The walls are actually a little bit darker than in the picture, but this is the general idea. Over the weekend, Chris installed new windows (not pictured), and it looks amazing!

So that's what we've been up to over here! When I'm not "nesting" for baby, I'm working on grad school stuff. It always seems to pile on at once. I have a huge load of things due tonight, and then I have two weeks before the final research paper is due. I really hope I will have a couple of weeks to unwind from that before the baby comes. We'll see, I guess.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go...

2011-04-11T21:50:00.001-06:00

Ok, not exactly ready to go.

But my bag is packed. I know it's early, but I learned my lesson last time.

Have the bag ready.

When your water breaks at 3am over five weeks earlier than you expected it to, you tend not to think clearly. You tend to panic just a little, and in your half-asleep and shocked state, you reach for some reason into the drawer of clothes you never wear and keep meaning to pack up and send to Goodwill, and you pull out the tackiest pair of pajamas you own, and then in your first picture with your son, you are wearing this:

Just why?

You also might thrown in a box of Kleenex. A whole box. Even if you don't have a runny nose. (Because they're not going to have Kleenex at the hospital?)

And, worst of all, you will forget the absolute essentials such as a hair band and chapstick, and then your hair will be in your eyes for the next 12 hours and your lips will crack and bleed. I'm packing extra of that stuff this time.

I still wasn't sure what to bring, but I remember I didn't really need much. I'm all about using whatever the hospital provides, even those ugly socks with the grippies on the bottom.

So, in case you're wondering, this is what I've packed:

*travel size shampoo, soap, etc.

*2 nursing tank tops and a few other nursing essentials

*1 zip-up hoodie in case it's cold

*The comfiest pair of capri yoga pants I could find (Ok, those aren't packed because I wear them all the time, but I have a mental note to throw them in.)

*2 hair bands

*2 tubes of chapstick

*Some snacks for afterward

*A post-it on the outside reminding me to bring the camera (I would have forgotten it last time, but Chris grabbed it at the last minute. I remember I looked at it and blinked, and then realized "Oh yeah! We're going to have a baby to take pictures of!)

*A "Big Brother" present for Jonah from the baby (his own little digital camera since he has lately become obsessed with taking pictures)

*Slim Fast. Post-baby weight loss program starts ASAP! Haha, kidding. I like it as a recovery drink after workouts. I had planned to bring some kind of recovery drink last time after getting the idea from Slowtwitch, but again, I blanked. And brought Kleenex and candy cane pajamas.

For baby:

*2 short sleeved onesies (what if it's hot?)

*2 long sleeved sleepers (what if it's cold?)

*a cute dress for coming home in (with a little sweater in case it's cold). We may not actually put her in a dress, but a girl has to have options.

*a hat

*a blanket (mostly for pictures -- the receiving blankets at the hospital are not the prettiest, but they're a better size for swaddling than most of the ones you can buy, and they're nice and lightweight for summer.)

If I remember right, the hospital has pretty much everything else we would need. And if not, I can send someone out on an errand. So that's ready. The way I see it, being prepared in advance is the best way to ensure that she will, in fact, not come early.

Workout update

2011-04-04T06:55:00.002-06:00

I owe a post about our recent visits with Andy and Heather. We saw them twice last month, and it was SO nice to see them again, and baby Aven is so freaking cute I can hardly stand it. But, right now my brain is feeling inclined to talk about something else. So that one is still forthcoming. :)

I haven't talked much about workouts lately, and it's time for an update. That has been sort of frustrating, actually. My back thing flared up pretty bad a few weeks ago, and since then it's gotten better, but I still have to be careful. Running does not aggravate it unless it is already sore. If that's the case, I walk, and luckily walking doesn't make it worse. If it doesn't hurt, I "run." Running is slow these days, but it is what it is.

Cleaning seems to hurt it the most -- if I do all of our laundry on one day over the weekend for instance, since the laundry room is in the basement. Or if I clean the floors. Now is when I wish I could afford a cleaning lady!

It was getting to the point where I thought maybe I was done running until after the baby is born. I even started to say that I was going for a walk instead of a run, even though I usually managed to run about half of a workout. But last weekend I had a great run for the first time in a LONG time. That's not to say it felt "normal" -- your definition of what feels normal and comfortable definitely adjusts during pregnancy. Anyway, since it felt so good, and I didn't feel any twinging in my back afterward, I decided to see if there were any races coming up. I wanted to squeeze one more in, just because. And it happened that there was a 5k the next day, so I went. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to run the whole thing (3 miles! Haha.) but my back was still feeling fine, and that's really the only thing that makes me walk.

It was SO nice to just be there. As usual I felt, as I mingled around before the start, a sense of glee, because this is where I belong. This is what I do. Chris asked me earlier, "Why do you need to race again?" I didn't need to. I wanted to. I didn't care if I crossed the finish line in last place. I just wanted to be part of that atmosphere. And, I figured that with only 6? 7? more? less? weeks until the baby is born, it's probably my last chance. For who knows how long. It is WAY easier to shuffle along 6-9 weeks pre-baby than 6-9 weeks post-baby. I would love to start my comeback over the summer sometime, but I don't know how realistic that is.

Anyway, the race was exceedingly slow. It was one of those typical windy spring days when you feel like you are being blown backward when you're facing a headwind. Times were probably slow all around. The overall female winner ran 22:something (DANG IT! I can do that!!!). I ran 38:something. That's slower than my 5-mile time (not that it matters). That does include a potty stop (again, not that it matters), but other than that, I "ran" the whole thing. Taking out the bathroom break, my pace was somewhere in the 11-minute range, which is fine with me these days. The best part is that I felt ok for the rest of the day after, so maybe my back won't be too much of a problem after all, as long as I keep taking it easy.

Biking is out for sure, though. When this back thing first happened over a year ago, sitting down was the most painful position for it. And even all summer when it was mostly better, it would still hurt after a long bike ride. The last ride I did was an hour on the trainer, and anytime I adjusted my weight on the bike seat or lifted off the saddle, there was a streak of pain. And the rest of the day after that I was not walking right. No more biking (the bike and I have always had a strained friendship anyway, so a legitimate excuse to avoid it is completely fine with me).

So workouts have dropped off considerably, but they haven't stopped completely. This, along with the fact that my hips have expanded by 6 inches (!) would have terrified me last time. I remember bursting into tears on several occasions after looking in the mirror (silly me, I thought only my belly would get bigger) or coming back from a 13-minute-per-mile shuffle because I was afraid I would never get my body or "speed" back.

Speed is so relative -- I never thought of myself as fast until I was forced to slow down.

Chris would try to comfort me with articles and anecdotes about people who came back from pregnancy faster than before, but that did not make me feel better. I was convinced that I would be the exception to that trend.

But I wasn't.

Everyone was right -- I did come back faster. And I (hope I) will again -- though I am worried that I might not get so lucky twice.

But I'm taking it all in stride much more than the first time. I still don't like what I see in the mirror (I understand the necessity of the hip expansion -- but what physiological purpose does fat thighs serve? What?) but I'm counting on history repeating itself and having my old body back around this time next year.

However, there is the nagging fact that some the pants I wore all the way through my last pregnancy are already too tight. I tried on the yoga pants I wore on the way to the hospital to have Jonah -- in other words, the most pregnant I've ever been, and they were painfully tight. I'm telling myself I'm just carrying differently this time, though. My weight is about the same, so that must be it.

Right?

time keeps on tickin

2011-03-27T15:57:00.021-06:00

I'm still here.

Still pregnant.

I only point that out because of the surprising number of people who have asked me "You still haven't had that baby yet???" No. I still haven't had the baby yet. I am only in week 30.

Hang on -- I'm in week 30!? In pregnancy terms, this is the homestretch. And one of those remotes that can stop time while I continue to get things done would really come in handy right about now.

I most likely only have single digit weeks remaining...and there are also 9 weeks of school remaining. It is unlikely that I will make it to the end of the school year (this based on nothing scientific at all, just a feeling and an assumption after what happened last time).

If this baby is born at the same time Jonah was, we only have 5 weeks left. If she hangs on until after my last progesterone shot like I'm counting on, we have 7 weeks.

With that in mind, things are coming along over here. We finally moved Jonah into his new room (the one I wanted him in when we moved into this house a year and a half ago!) and it is AWESOME. It was the most ghetto playroom on the planet over the summer, but now it has new walls, ceiling, lights/outlets, closet, and refinished floors and trim. New windows are on the way (there's still just a patch of drywall nailed in where the old window was broken -- it was cracked and held together with duct tape when we moved in). When those come, his room will officially be the nicest one in the house. Plus, it's HUGE. The little play rug that barely fit in his room in our old house looks dwarfed in this room. In the next couple of weekends, I want to pick out paint for the baby's room and put the crib together. Chris already put in a new light and outlets in there. Its new windows will come with Jonah's, and if we have time we'd like to refinish the floor. I doubt we'll have time to do the rest of the woodwork, which is too bad -- it makes SUCH a huge difference in Jonah's room!

I also made Chris get down all of the baby stuff from the rafters in the attic, and it was kind of fun going through it. We need to clean it all, install the carseats, put the swing together...and on and on, but at least I know where everything is now.

Oh yeah, another minor detail: We also need to name her. We have a couple of names that we tossed around, but we haven't discussed it in maybe a month. This part is hard.

One more bit of baby news: We got what will probably be our last peek at Baby Sweet before she's born. She was not very cooperative but we think she's still a girl. :) She weighs 3 lbs 4 oz as far as you can tell from an ultrasound, and all of her measurements estimate a due date between May 28 and June 3, so a little bit ahead of the June 8 due date, but not scary big. It's so funny that Jonah was on track to be huge -- I distinctly remember the tone of voice my doctor used when she told me he was measuring big and that his head especially was big -- I was terrified, but look how that turned out!

And she has hair! I absolutely cannot wait to see her! I wonder what color her hair is (Jonah's was dark, but then it all fell out and grew back blonde). I think she has Chris's nose, but I thought that with Jonah's ultrasounds, too. Jonah looks SO much like Chris's mom's family -- will she, too? Or will she look like me? Will I have two kids who look absolutely nothing alike? Will she be as social and easy going as him, or will she be shy? Will she be calm or fussy? Will she be a picky eater? Will she SLEEP?

I wonder if she will prefer me or Chris. If all of our family games will be girls against boys, or if both of the kids fight over who gets to be on Chris's team and the loser will have to put up with being on my team. (Oh God, it will be like junior high P.E. all over again!)

Jonah told us the other night that Chris is better than me. "Dad gives good shoulder massages, and you don't give very good shoulder massages." That made me laugh mostly because Chris's massages HURT LIKE HELL. So I acted offended, and Jonah took pity on me and said "Well, you do some good things. You give me rubs and pets, and those are good." Rubs and pets. That's what I'm good for. Ok, then. Let's hope this baby likes rubs and pets.

2011-03-10T03:34:00.007-06:00

It is 3:30 Thursday morning, and I can't sleep. There is a party going on in my uterus.

Actually, it feels like a rave. Or a mosh pit. I wouldn't know -- I guess it isn't cool to invite your mother.

I got up about half an hour ago because Jonah had to go to the bathroom. Can't complain about that -- it's better than him wetting the bed. But how long until he can just get up and do that by himself? I suppose we are (fine, I am) partially to blame for that. When he wakes up in the morning or from his nap (or in the middle of the night to go potty), he just sits up in bed and calls for us until we come and get him. We've told him, "You can get out of bed by yourself, you know." But he just says "Yeah, I know. I don't want to." Ok, fine. Surely at some point, say, at age 17, he will not need or want us to come and pick him up or hold his hand as he gets out of bed.

Of course, when we are trying to make him sleep, he is in and out of bed and trying to run all over the place, but I think that's par for the course with a three-year-old.

Ok, this party in here is getting out of hand. I'm about to start poking and screeching "You crazy kid, keep it down in there!" Us old fogeys gotta sleep. She must be really stretched out, because I'm feeling simultaneous bumps from about as far down as it goes all the way up to my ribs.

And what's that? Faint echos of techno music? Wonderful.

I'm going to bed.
------

It is now Thursday morning -- as in, the sun is up time of morning. The party didn't die down until around 5, which is actually pretty typical. And somehow, she is awake again already.

These young kids, seriously, where do they get their energy?

Approaching Week 27

2011-03-03T22:43:00.008-06:00

Whoa, bellies! Here I am rapidly approaching the third trimester (how on earth am I there already???? That time vortex I get sucked into at work during my prep period must be growing!).

I'm not quite sure which trimester Jonah is in.

Stever (the boy baby that was in his belly but then mysteriously flew out a few weeks ago) did somehow migrate back into his tummy, though. He told me Stever had been in my belly with his sister. Must have been too crowded. According to Jonah, not only am I housing a baby sister in there, but also a pirate ship with three pirates.

I did not enjoy that mental image.

I always feel like I look smaller in pictures than I do in real life. That picture looks pretty big, I guess. But I feel enormous. Either I really am, or the average person has no sense of what 6-7 months pregnant looks like. We had parent-teacher conferences last week, and literally every parent who asked me when I was due expressed surprise when I said "Late May/early June." (I'm hoping not to go into June.) Surprised because apparently they expected me to say "next week?"

And although I still get "How are you feeling?" from approximately every person who sees me, I have also started to get "I bet you're ready to be done." Not even a question. Just an automatic assumption after glancing at the 20-lb beach ball under my shirt. Actually, no, I'm not ready. Not yet. I'll give myself about 6 more weeks before I declare myself Ready To Be Done, and then I'll hopefully have 4-5 weeks after that before she really comes. If she is not here by Memorial Day, I plan to go into hiding so I do not have to face anyone and risk biting their head off. If she holds out until June, or (gasp!) past her due date, I give myself permission to languish in surly misery on the sofa with as much ice cream as my heart desires.

And that would be the extent of my "birth plan" so far.

With Jonah, I had a plan all prepared for how I wanted the birth to go. Then once it happened, the plan pretty much went out the window. This time I'm not even bothering to make a plan. Or, rather, I have different mental plans for various possible scenarios (except I don't have a plan for if my water breaks while I'm teaching. Dear God, what then??? I need to make a plan for that....)

What to do with Jonah is a big question mark, because it all depends on how and when it all starts. This is when I wish I could just schedule it. What if it's at 3am again? I have some neighbors and friends nearby who would probably be able to watch him if it happens at a time when normal people are awake. But I don't know what to do if it's in the middle of the night.

To go along with my lack of any concrete plans for the birth itself, I also am lacking any strong desire for things to go a certain way, as long as the end result is a healthy baby. Specifically, I was terrified of getting a C-section last time, and adamantly opposed to the idea unless it became unavoidable. Thankully it didn't, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it might come to that this time. I have no idea why. But I don't really care. Of course, no one wants to have their belly sliced open, but if it happens it happens.

I wonder if I'm being influenced by Jonah's description of how a baby is born (scroll down to the previous post for that gem). If I do end up having a C-section, I'm really going to start thinking my son is psychic.

He predicted that the baby would be a girl. Yeah, that was a little uncanny, but he did have a 50-50 shot.

But when we were talking about babies being born and he gave me his flashlight explanation, I asked "Is that how you were born?"

"No. I didn't come out that way. I just crawled out. But that's how my sister will be born -- with the special flashlight."

Tell me that was not a "You didn't have a C-section with me, but you will with this baby" prediction.

I guess time will tell.

I am anxious for this weekend when we will finally be able to see Andy and Heather and meet baby Aven! I can't wait to see them, and to see how Jonah reacts to the baby. It will be a packed weekend -- they are coming on Friday and staying with us for a night, Saturday is a family wedding in Peoria, and Sunday is Aven's baptism in Metamora.

I have a feeling that, as fun as it will be, after a weekend like that on top of the work/grad school week I've been having, I will be praying for a freak snow day on Monday.

Good while it lasted

2011-02-13T18:32:00.005-06:00

After 6 months, the big slowdown has finally, suddenly hit. Every time I've run this week it's been slllooooooooooowwww. But, slowing is not stopping, so all is well still. This morning I actually felt wonderul, and I thought for sure that my pace seemed "normal" -- and I typically consider anything sub-10 to be "normal." But then I realized I did not go as far as I thought and was in fact around 10:30-11:00 pace (I'm still not sure how far I went exactly). I can't say I care too much. This was bound to happen, and I'm pretty sure I will be getting drastically slower each week from now on. But I am not running to maintain speed -- I'm not that delusional. Whether I finish a mile in 8:00 or 12:00 (or, as I did once with Jonah, 2 miles in 45 minutes!) I will keep going for as long as I can because movement feels good. Even if I can't run four weeks from now, I will still keep doing something, because something is better than nothing.

Assuming I can find something to wear, that is. Today I tried one of the oversized technical shirts I got from some race -- I love that they give those so often, but it typically annoys me that even the smalls are enormous. This one was a medium, but I think it was actually a women's cut, which is different. Anyway, my belly stuck out the bottom. So I wore one of Chris's, which covered me, but was huge in the arms and shoulders and did nothing for my body image. :) I do have one maternity running top (the one in the pictures from the indoor tri), but they are so hard to find! What most stores refer to as "workout wear," I would refer to as "lounging on the sofa wear." Not good for actually working out! And, the few websites I've found that do carry real workout wear are EXPENSIVE. I cannot bring myself to pay $45 for a short sleeved tech t-shirt that I will only wear for a few more months when my husband has plenty to choose from in his closet.

Shorts are another story (maternity running shorts are next to impossible to find! And I KNOW I'm not the only one out there running!) but I have a few that I was able to squeeze into for my entire pregnancy last time, so hopefully they'll last this time, too.

A few years ago I emailed the Skirtsports people about creating a maternity line. I got a "thanks for your input, that's a good idea" response, but they haven't done it (yet?). Oh well. I'll wear whatever covers me.

So running, even slowly, still feels good. You know what else feels good? Baby Sweet! She's constantly kicking me, and it is making me anxious to meet her! At week 24, we reached a milestone: the age of viability. I am almost at week 25 now, and if she were born today, she would have about a 50% chance of survival. Not ideal for sure, and hopefully these shots I'm getting each week will help keep her in here for at least another 12 weeks when she'll be full term. But the fact that she could survive now is kind of an eye-opener.

So. We ordered the crib. And a bedding set, because I don't really like the one we used with Jonah anymore. They both came right away. And Jonah's new room is almost ready. Once he's moved in, all we have to do is refinish the floor in the newly emptied baby's room and paint it.

And finally, what blog would be complete without a Jonah story? :)

He has asked several times why there is a baby growing in my tummy. I think he wants to know exactly how it got in there, but I have been sort of vague on the response. I never did formulate a response to the next logical question, which is "how will the baby get out?" and he finally asked it the other day.

I told him that my doctor would help it get out. He naturally asked how. So I turned the question on him and asked "How do you think the doctor could get it out?"

Here, folks, is how a baby comes out of its mommy's tummy:

The doctor has a special flashlight with buttons on it. One button cracks open the mommy's belly, and it opens up all by itself. Then the doctor looks around with the flashlight until she finds the baby and she takes the baby out. Then she presses another button on the flashlight and the mommy's tummy closes again and that's how the baby gets born.

I wish I had the speech on video.

It's also worth pointing out that I haven't been the only one with a baby in my tummy at our house. Jonah had a baby in his belly, too. A boy baby, named Stever (not Steve -- Stever). Stever has been in Jonah's tummy for weeks, but tonight he got bored of it (not surprising -- in What to Expect When You Are Expecting, one of the symptoms of Month 6 is "a sense of boredom with the pregnancy") and said that Stever had flown out of his tummy and into someone else's. He didn't know whose, and he was not the least bit concerned with Stever's well being.

That's fine. I'm going to have my hands full enough with one new baby.

Pictures or it didn't happen!

2011-01-31T11:33:00.007-06:00

I forgot to add these to my last post.
This one is from the Chilly Chili Run. (Shirt says "Mommy's Future Running Partner")
The rest are from the indoor tri yesterday.
Before the swim:

With 6 minutes left on the run. So fast I'm blurry! :)

After the race:

Notice the guy in the background on the bike. See how straight up he's sitting? Those spin bikes had the handlebars practically at shoulder height when I adjusted the seat (the handlebars were not adjustable). I LOVED this, because it meant I did not have to feel my knees bump my belly with every pedal stroke, AND I lasted the entire 20 minutes without feeling like I had to go to the bathroom! But I think it would have been annoying if I hadn't been pregnant -- it is not a very powerful bike position, and you were not allowed to stand.

I don't know who that person is, but that was the "competitive" wave, so he was probably tearing it up!

Still truckin'

2011-01-23T17:22:00.012-06:00

TWO race reports to talk about here! Things in the workout arena have been kind of all over the place lately. For the most part, though, this "listen to your body and forget about the 140 heart rate limit" philosophy has been serving me well.

My first "race" of the year was last Saturday -- in quotes because it's more like an organized run where they just happen to tell you your time at the end. It was the Chilly Chili Run at Lake Bloomington, which is a 7k run on the inner loop of the Lake Run course. It's very casual, which made it perfect for another preggo race.

This one went surprisingly well -- I ended up with a watch time of 37:42, which works out to 8:40 pace. Especially considering that some of the hills were pretty icy, that was a lot faster than I expected to go. My 'official' time was a lot slower (43:something) because I needed a potty stop and I stayed to chat for awhile at the Spam stop (yes, Spam -- I did not partake).

This was after a dreadmill run the other night that felt awful for the first few minutes. I had to back off of my usual 10:00 pace warm up, and then felt stuck at 5.5 mph, and it was tortuous. My stomach felt enormous and heavy and bouncy, which also meant that at less than 2:00 into the run I was ready to get off for bathroom stop #1 (the ONLY good thing about the treadmill: bathroom downstairs!). And my breathing felt WAY more labored than it usually does. Which prompted me to think that this might be the start of the downward spiral. Damn.

The thing with any run, but especially during pregnancy, is that there are no constants. Ever. It is not unusual at all to end a run in a completely different place from where you started. I did eventually start feeling better on that run, and I started to increase the speed every minute. At the end, I felt so good I bumped it up to sub-8:00 pace for the last two or three minutes and felt like my old self again. I definitely could not have handled it for much longer, but a couple minutes was refreshing.

Oh, and I figured out how to change the 30-minute time limit on our treadmill (we got it from a health club, and it was set to automatically turn off after 30 minutes, which is REALLY annoying when you're in a groove). Now we can run for 99 minutes on it! ......hooray?

Then this past weekend, Chris and I raced one of the Midwest Indoor Triathlon Series races in Wheaton. I have never done an indoor tri, and neither has Chris. Neither has Baby Sweet, of course, so it was a first for everyone!

This one felt amazing, too. I wasn't sure how it would go since it came after a really tough week of being sick, Jonah being sick, having meetings before and/or after school every day, and Chris being in Chicago.

I needn't have worried. The swim was 10 minutes, and despite not having done any swimming since August (except once in Vegas and once after the new ISU fitness center opened), I felt good. Ridiculously slow -- only 575 yards! Chris and I were in a different wave, but he virtually lapped me 3 times! -- but it felt good.

The bike was 15 minutes on a spin bike. I started out easy and picked up the pace as I warmed up. Overall, I went at much less than race effort, but not exactly lollygagging either. In 20 minutes I went 5.4 miles, which works out to 16.2 mph average. That's probably about right.

The run was 15 minutes on a 200 meter indoor track. I was dreading this part the most -- I hate indoor tracks. But it was really fun! I was nice and warmed up from the swim and bike, and even though I started out really easy, behind a guy who was laboring along painfully and two girls who were chatting, I decided to pass them and go at my own pace. Again, I was able to pick a pace that was moderate, not too easy but not over that aerobic threshold either. I ended up going just under 14 laps (1.72 miles) which comes out to 8:43 pace. A little bit slower than last week, but WAY faster than the 11-12 minute pace I was holding at this point with Jonah!

I don't know if it was just the heart rate thing slowing me down last time, or fear that it was dangerous to do anything beyond an Ironman-shuffle pace, or if I'm just feeling better this time, but again for an hour yesterday, I did not feel pregnant. I felt like ME.

Now that I'm in the 20's (week 22), I feel like the days of feeling like myself are numbered.

And that it's probably a very small number.

Whenever people ask how I'm feeling, I say "Great!" and it's usually true, but in the last week or so I have really started feeling pregnant. Or like I have a sinus infection. Or both.

For starters, the sleepless nights have begun. I am anxiously awaiting this time next year when hopefully the baby will start sleeping through the night, because I know now that I will not get a full night's sleep until then either. I have broken out the body pillow because it is no longer comfortable to sleep on either side. For obvious reasons I also can't sleep on my stomach. I'm also not supposed to sleep on my back. So that leaves...hanging by my toes?

And, in a pleasant but "here-we-go-again" new development, I've finally started feeling some stronger kicks. In fact, the one time I did feel pregnant during the race yesterday was during the swim. I felt some CRAZY kicks during it! I had to wonder what she was thinking when I did flip turns.

"WHOA, hey, WHAT is going ON here?" Haha, I really wonder what that feels like for her.

I can feel them from the outside now sometimes, and true to form, she has been partying it up in there starting around 2am every night. It is no less fascinating than it was with Jonah, but dang it, kid, I'm tired! Finally around 5 or so it calms down and I can sleep, but of course by then it's too late. So, sleep-deprivation training is in full swing.

I don't have any other races planned for sure, but will definitely be keeping up the training for as long as I can. The baby has been more than cooperative so far (that's my girl!) so I'm hopeful that I won't have to stop running at all. But there are no givens. I might discover tomorrow that I'm done, and I'll have to switch my focus to biking and yoga or walking or something. Or I might last another five or six weeks. Whichever it is, I am trying to embrace the feeling that pregnancy gives you of being grateful for all of the things you can do (like roll over onto your side, or tie your shoes) on a given day, because the next day you might not be able to do it again.

One day at a time, which is all any of us can really do anyway.

Pink is the new blue!

2011-01-16T10:48:00.011-06:00

Was anyone out there betting 'boy'? Me, Jonah, all the predictors, and every other person who's wagered a bet -- EVERYONE said 'girl.' In fact, my secret mindset going into the ultrasound was not to "find out what we're having" but rather to "confirm that we're having a girl." Sure enough:

Huh.

Ok. I know that "three white lines" are the telltale sign of a girl. And there are very clearly three white lines in that image, as the little arrow helpfully points out (might not be too clear for you -- this is another photo of a photo). But still, that saying that the female body is an enigma? No kidding.

With Jonah, it was SO obvious. I never did post a picture of "the money shot," and I still won't because it's almost obscene. It was THE first thing I saw when he appeared on the screen, and it could not have been clearer what we were looking at. Very straightforward, HEY, LOOK AT ME, I'M A BOY!!!

But this? Still, the ultrasound tech was very confident, and when my OB saw it, she nodded and told me they call it the "hamburger shot." (Gross.)

This image should be a little more recognizable -- profile with her hand by her face. (Oh my gosh, I can actually SAY "her" aloud and not have to amend it!)

And this is what she looks like from the outside right now (I swear I look bigger than that in real life. I promise I'm not sucking in or anything -- I don't have an explanation other than this picture was taken in the morning. ;)

Jonah and Chris went with me, and Jonah was getting a little bit cranky by the time we got into the room. The tech gave him a sucker, so he was more focused on that than the baby, but he did ask a lot of quesions. And she printed him his own picture (like the profile one above, only a little better) that says "Jonah's baby sister!" He promptly crumpled it up while he was playing with it, or I would have taken a picture of it, too.

After we were done, Chris went back to work and I took Jonah to lunch and called/texted the people who needed to know first. Then to Toys R Us where Jonah helped me pick out his baby sister's first outfit, and where I was given no alternative but to completely surrender to pink overload.

I was originally of the mindset that this girl's closet would NOT look like a Barbie doll's. But the harsh reality is that if I want this girl to be clothed, she's going to have to wear boys' clothes, or pink. There's some purple, and there was a rack of red stuff (out for Valentine's Day), but other than that, every freaking thing was pink or at least had pink in it. I ended up getting her a pack of onesies that were mostly purple in theme except for one pink one that says "Daddy's Little Princess."

Then I was momentarily distracted by images of a little brown-haired girl (she's got to look like me -- Chris got Jonah, so I get this one. That's how it works, right?) all dressed up with a feathered boa and a pair of my heels, coercing Chris to partake in a tea party with her stuffed animals.

I will be ready with the camera when that happens.

But THEN, as I picked up a pink and black skirt/legging combo things that said "Little Diva" on it, I found myself staring longingly at the adorable baby boy section, and I started to sense in the pit of my stomach another feeling. A feeling of I-don't-think-I'm-ready-for-this. Tea parties. Princess obsessions. Fashion Consciousness. Frenemies. Crushes. Prom Dresses. Paying For The Wedding. Oh, dear God.

I almost started hyperventilating when I caught sight of a rack of ladybug swimsuits. They were seriously the cutest freaking things I've ever seen, and I almost bought a 12-month one for next summer, but I didn't. That was enough to bring me back from the brink, though.

Tea parties? So what if she wants tea paries. And, I don't think I ever had a single one of those growing up. I think I was a pretty good balance of girly and tomboy growing up. I did play with Barbies and insist on wearing skirts a lot, but I also enjoyed climbing trees, wading through creeks, and generally getting dirty. One of my favorite pictures from my childhood is from after a (tortuous) ballet recital (I did not last long in dance/tumbling classes). My dad had given me a big wrist corsage to wear at the recital, and I loved it. As soon as we got home, I changed into play clothes and went outside to play in the dirt -- but I refused to take off the corsage. So the picture is of me sitting in the dirt with a shovel all messy but with a lovely corsage on my wrist.

I think this girl will probably be similar. She will have an older brother, and a dad who will take her fishing and hiking and camping. But she will still be free to indulge in "girly" things if she wants.

And, really, more importantly than how feminine or not she ends up being, she will be a good person. If she is anything like her brother (uh-oh, there I go comparing already!), she will melt me.

On Friday night at bedtime, Jonah asked me to lay my head on his stomach. I was afraid of hurting him, but he insisted, so I did, lightly. He often surprises me with how generous and compassionate he is, but that night he completely blew me away on a whole new level. He started petting my hair and said "I love you Mommy. Thank you for being a good mommy." That alone is enough to warm my heart all night.

But he wasn't done. He said "I love you because you do lots of nice things for me. Like when you take care of me, and you play toys with me and read books to me, and you take me places like to your doctor (haha), and to the library, and the red track, and the park, and you take me swimming, and you take me on bike rides. It's fun when we do those things. I'm glad that you're my Mommy."

Needless to say, I was awed and barely holding it together by the end of it. He really pays attention. And I never expected him to be so appreciative. I'm definitely going to hold onto this and remember it when he hits his teens and never appreciates anything we do.

Later, Chris came in and I asked him to tell Daddy why he loves him. He came up with "I like it when you fix things for me, like my new room, and when you hold me upside down and try to put me in the garbage."

I love my little boy so much I can't stand it!!!

If there is anything I needed to calm my nerves about having another baby, it was that. Because soon, in about 4 months, I get to start this all over again. And if there are anymore nights like that look forward to three years from now with this baby, I am ready!

And if I have to wear a pink feathered boa and high heels to make her appreciate me, so be it.

Not really a recap post

2011-01-09T15:05:00.007-06:00

I've been thinking about doing a 2010 recap post, but I really don't feel like it. 2010 was a MUCH better year than 2009, and I have high hopes for 2011, so let's just keep looking forward.

Except. There was a little something that snuck in last minute in 2010 that does deserve mention -- I BECAME AN AUNT! My niece (so weird still to say that!) was born on New Year's Eve! Heather and Andy named her Aven Eve -- her middle name was up in the air until she decided to be born when she did. Her first name is a wild mountain flower, so her name connects her to both of her parents (Heather: also a wildflower, and she has the same initials as Andy). She is perfect and healthy and beautiful, and I can't WAIT until March when we will be able to see them.

Aven's birth has also made me even more anxious to find out what I'm growing in here. I want to know, NOW.

When I went shopping the other day, I wanted to pick out something to send to Aven, and I had no idea where to start. She's a girl, yes, but does EVERYTHING have to be pink or purple? Every stitch of clothing Jonah owns could be blue and I wouldn't mind (it's not, though) but pink overload is something else entirely, and too much of that would make my eyes twitch.

And, it is UNBELIEVEABLE how much more there is to choose from on the girl side of the stores! For fancy occasion outfits? Boys will have a couple of options, all usually some kind of vest/collared shirt/tie/corduroy combo, and you end up getting the ONE of those that is the right size.

But girls. Endless racks of dresses, endless. Shimmery ones, velvety ones, velvet-on-top-shimmery-on-bottom, even sequins (sequins? for real?) in every color.

And then, those girls are going to grow older and have to pick out homecoming and prom dresses and it will get even worse. Boys get to rent a tux. A few basic options to pick from, no hassles, done.

Bedding is the same way. Target currently has 42 options for boys crib sets, and almost all of them are variations of sports themes (football, basketball, and baseball of course -- not in my house!), transportation themes, or puppies.

Girls? 118. Then there are a ton of neutral jungle animal ones, which is probably what we'll end up with either way.

This is what I appreciate about boys -- fewer options. I do much better with fewer options. That's why I like to shop at Aldi. You want rice? Here: rice. There is not an entire aisle devoted to instant rice/brown rice/long grain rice/microwave-in-a-bag rice/wild rice, and so on. (Except we always get brown rice, so we don't get it at Aldi anyway. Still.)

Anyway, all this has made me wonder, what if I have to start getting girl stuff soon?

Chris is currently putting up drywall in the bedroom that we're going to move Jonah into. (It's a bigger room, so we figure the older one should get it.) The walls in his current room are blue -- if we have a boy, I'm not repainting. Less work for us, and it will match pretty much whatever theme we pick for his room. But if it's a girl...what then? Definitely not pink -- she is NOT going to have a little Barbie's Playhouse room, at least not until she's old enough to request that on her own (and even then she might get vetoed). Green? Some kind of tan color? I don't know, but I want to pick it out ASAP!

Luckily, we don't have to wait much longer. And since I did this last time, I'll go ahead and do it again: a breakdown of gender predictors and their results, so we can see how (in)accurate they turn out to be.

My intuition: Girl. (Last time: Boy, and I was right!) I did start having doubts in the lead-up to the ultrasound, and that's happening again. I've had a few boy dreams. But I still feel "girl."

Chinese gender predictor: Girl (Last time: Girl, wrong!)

Heart rate above 150: it's been in the high 150's-low 160's since week 10, so Girl. (Last time: Jonah had a high HR, too, so that was wrong).

Heather's Dad: ? He hasn't commented on this one, that I know of. He got Jonah right, and he correctly predicted Aven's gender at that time, too, but earlier in Heather's pregnancy he thought she'd be a boy. Still, since his first instinct four years ago was right, we'll still give it to him.

The funniest part about all of this is that looking back on that post from 2007, I wrote that I desperately wanted a girl at some point, and could not imagine being the mother of all boys. I even pleaded for nature to "please, please" not give me two boys. Ha. It took one look at my baby boy before I completely reversed my position on that one. I can't say I'm hoping for a boy this time around, because I am still not leaning toward either one, but I do feel like another boy would be easier. Still, seeing pictures of little Aven has made me more excited for a girl, if that's what this one ends up being.

Ok, in other news (still pregnancy-related, because that's all that I have to talk about lately).
I'm still working out. At 19 weeks, I am in that golden stage of pregnancy where I feel almost normal most of the time. Strangely, my running is hardly slowing down at all, and it feels good almost every time I go (except that I can't make it more than 15 minutes without a bathroom break. That part does not feel good at all.)

However, it is starting to get harder to sit up suddenly, and my back issues have been flaring up. I know, already? I'm not that big. What gives?

For starters, my abs.

After they separated last time, they never grew back (they never do, according to my doctor -- but they might grow back close together). And they're moving apart this time, too, of course, but sooner. I can fit two fingers between my left and right abdominal walls, which is just bizarre. It doesn't hurt, but I can feel my core strength leaving me. Doing any traditional ab exercises (sit-ups, crunches, pretty much anything on your back) will just make it worse, so I'm left with exercises that don't feel like I'm doing much of anything (basically the ones I was told to do for my back last year). So that's wonderful.

Also happening sooner -- my belly button has popped out. I sort of noticed this, but it's not entirely "out" so I haven't really paid attention to it. But I'm going to have to start -- it totally chafed during my run yesterday. If you are aware of my aversion to anything touching my belly button, you will understand that this is a major problem. I'm going to have to put band-aids on it --which will be traumatic in and of itself, but probably better than the alternative. OUCH!

Really, though, the biggest thing occupying my mind lately is "What will it be?" My fear is that we won't be able to tell or we'll get a "70% chance it's a girl" diagnosis or something. Not much longer to wait!
Stay tuned for (hopefully) the answer!

Week 16

2010-12-21T15:38:00.007-06:00

Had my 16-week appointment today, and everything is fine. Baby's heartbeat is still one of the most amazing sounds ever (your little one's voice saying "Mommy, I love you" ranks #1) and it's still holding steady at 160. I thought I was going to get my first of many progesterone shots today, but she just wrote me a prescription and I'll start next week. The good news on that front is that I will be able to get them at work from our school nurse rather than having to take off work to drive into Bloomington every week. So that will be...fun?

Elaine had Jonah overnight last weekend, which meant that Chris and I were able to go to the Tri-Shark's Ironman party, and our friend Dennis's annual Christmas party. And THEN, we rode our bikes together in the attic. We NEVER ride together. We hardly ever rode together even before Jonah was born, but since then it's been...once maybe? It was great!

Here's a belly shot from that day, at just under 16 weeks. (I should point out that this was early in the day, after an hour on the trainer. Later in the day, after a few meals, I look more like 30 weeks. sigh.)

Then we had our first of the family Christmases Sunday evening at Elaine's house. Chris and I gave Jonah his presents from us since we probably won't have time to open them as a family before we leave for Vegas (and I sure as hell was not packing them with us just to bring back again!). He is really into pretending right now, and he loves to dress up (he was wearing a Bears uniform, complete w/helmet and shoulder pads when we arrived...thanks a lot, Grandpa Al! ) so one of his presents was a dress-up kit that has three different superhero costumes.

Spiderman:

Wolverine:

Neither of these poses were provoked. :)

It also has Ironman, but the mask is too big, so he's not as interested in getting the whole thing on.

He loved it. Thankfully, he is really easy to please at this age. He pretty much loves anything that pre-schoolers are supposed to be into. Which is good, because we have yet to get a clear answer out of him for what he wants for Christmas. For the longest time, all he would say is "I want presents for my baby sister!" And his wee little voice and the cock of his head as he said it was sooooo sweet that it made me want to give him even more for himself. :)

Oh, we don't know if it is a sister yet. But we WILL (hopefully) on January 18th at 8am! At this point, I am going to be very surprised if it is a boy. I have felt from day 1 that it's a girl, and I had a dream about it the other night. It was a girl. I had a similar dream with Jonah before we knew what he was -- he was a boy with blond hair and blue eyes and I thought "this cannot be my baby" but lo and behold...so now I feel even stronger that I'm right. And this one has dark hair.

That's not to say I want a girl necessarily. I really don't care. I keep imagining what if it's a boy? and I don't feel any more or less emotional than when I imagine it being a girl.

This is not what I expected. Three years ago, I knew I wanted to have a girl at some point. I thought for sure that if my first was a boy, I'd be hoping for #2 to be a girl. Not so much, actually, although I'm not pulling for a boy either. I have no preference that I can determine. I have to keep asking myself, really? Not even a little bit? So I dig deeper, tug on a few heartstrings just to see, and...nope, not even a little bit. Huh.

And, as excited as I am for January 18, my anticipation is not as urgent as it was with Jonah. Maybe because I'm not hoping for anything either way, and that, boy or girl, I know I will love him or her fiercely and unconditionally. So I'm not quite as impatient.

But I'm not patient enough to wait until June. Part of me really wanted to invent some kind of concern that would lead the doctor to order an ultrasound TODAY because you could probably tell at this point. But I did not. No sense in tempting fate.

One more day of school and then it's finally Christmas break! These last few days have felt like an eternity. I actually had some fun-but-educational Christmasy activities planned for my classes tomorrow, but at least one class is going to watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in Spanish instead. Yes, I'm going to be that teacher tomorrow -- the one who throws in a movie just so the kids will be quiet. They drove me nuts today, so it's a sanity-saving measure that needs to be taken. I can be pretty good at tuning out distractions while I grade, so there's a good chance that all of my classes will be watching Rudolph.

(If it turns out I can't tune it out, we'll do the previously planned stuff. Rudolph is supposed to save my sanity, not destroy it.)

I am more than ready to stop thinking about school for awhile. Now my focus is on praying for the snow to hold off an extra day so we don't get stuck at the airport! Once we are safely in Las Vegas with my family, it can snow all it wants to in Illinois. I couldn't care less if we got stranded on our way back! Just please not on our way out!!!

Merry Christmas to all!

One down, two to go!

2010-12-08T14:29:00.007-06:00

As of this week, I have officially passed into the second trimester. This enormously relieving, as most miscarriages occur during the first trimester. That doesn't mean I can completely stop worrying (if I have learned one thing in the last four years it's that becoming a mommy, or mommy-to-be = constant worrying about anything and everything. Even if you are not consciously worried about anything at a given time, if you poke around the back of your head long enough, you'll find a million nagging and bothersome thoughts lurking there, ready to come to the forefront when you're trying to fall asleep). Still, this little milestone was a welcome one.

And, right on cue, in the last few days my tummy has totally popped out.
Dang it.

I don't know why this bothers me, since I am incredibly excited about this baby and I'm not trying to hide it...what did I think was going to happen? I have actually only gained 3 or 4 pounds, but I can't button any of the new wardrobe of pants I had to buy last year when I gained 20 pounds (yes, twenty. I am never going back on Depo ever again, EVER.) So I've been wearing maternity pants for the past few days.

And I need to say this:

I. LOVE. maternity pants. They are SO comfortable (or at least, they will be for the next few months -- it's sad knowing I will grow out of these, too). And it is wonderful not to have to mess with buttons or zippers or clasps or ties.

When you are running to the bathroom fifty times a day, you begin to really appreciate the little things.

I got another shipment from Heather, and included in this box were my favorite pants I have ever owned. I was so disappointed when I shrank out of these after Jonah was born -- the only let-down of losing baby weight! I am wearing them right now, after having worn them all day on Sunday, too.

(How often is it socially acceptable for one to wear the same pair of pants to work in a single week? Is three days too many? I'd alternate days...)

Alright, so I feel like I should give a recap of the races I mentioned I was doing earlier. I obviously survived both of them, so that was a plus.

The Furrow Euro 5k was ridiculously fun. And slow. Even though I was not monitoring heart rate, I was monitoring breathing and perceived exertion. If at any time I was running hard enough to be uncomfortable or gasping for breath, I told myself I would slow down or even walk if necessary.

Well. Turns out there are a lot of hilly sections, and very few straight/flat sections where you can catch your breath. You get out of breath going up hills no matter how slow you're running. Needless to say, I had to slow myself down a LOT. Consequently, my time was slower than almost any 5k I have ever run (the only one slower: Tri-Shark '07. DOESN'T COUNT.). But it was a blast and I would do it again in a heartbeat. The only thing frustrating was that the news wasn't out yet, so I couldn't make any excuses for being slow. I just said I was taking it easy and left it at that.

Then the following weekend Chris and I traveled to Iowa for the Jingle Cross Rock cyclocross race(s). Chris raced Friday-Sunday, while I just did Saturday. This was another "easy" but not easy race. Had I been really trying, this thing could have been HARD. As it was, there were several challenges to my main goal of not crashing, but I went slow enough that I stayed upright the entire time.

And I got last place. By a lot.

Actually, that's not entirely true. I did pass one person. Granted, this person was in the junior category, which raced at the same time as my category but did not count as the same race.

Also, he was probably about 12 years old.

And he was off his bike when I passed him.

And his parents were there encouraging him to get back on the bike and keep going.

And he was crying.

But I still passed him! I WIN!

I definitely enjoyed this race, but I don't think I was quite as entranced with the entire experience as Chris was. He has a long post about it on his blog. It is his new favorite race, which means we will probably have to go to Iowa over Thanksgiving break every year from now on (either that or I will stay home with the kids while he goes). Neither of those options are entirely appealing to me, but Chris and I have plenty of time to argue about that later. ;) Either way, he will almost definitely go next year because he placed well enough in his races to move up to Category 3 for the upcoming year, which is Kind of a Big Deal.

I don't have any races on my plate for awhile, although I still want to do some before it becomes impossible. Right now I am squeezing workouts in when I can, and then feeling guilty when I can't. I've been staying up too late at nights to make morning workouts an option, which is stupid, but I am swamped with grad school work and regular school work. Hence this post -- I have a paper due on Monday, which means I am in serious procrastination mode. I will probably freak out on Friday when I realize it is nowhere near finished, and I will not have time do work on it all weekend. But for now, Monday seems like a long time away.

Here's a parting image: The shirt I made up for Jingle Cross says "Baby's First Cyclocross Race!!!" I was hoping people would see it and excuse my heavy mountain bike, my running shoes (too freaked out to wear bike shoes!), and my general lack of ability. But, I didn't make the font big enough and no one noticed it. Oh well!

The Talk (from November 23 -- last post before the big reveal!)

2010-11-28T13:01:00.005-06:00

(Note: This is the one I accidentally published once, so some of you might have have already seen it. Whoops.)

We had THE big, serious, life-changing conversation with Jonah last night about becoming a big brother. I would say it went pretty well.

I bought him a book called "I'm a Big Brother" -- I felt like I needed to be armed with something concrete. I remember when my mom had "the Talk" with me that there was a book involved. Not the talk about becoming a big sister when I was 3 -- the other Talk. I was 10 and I had not had the sex ed experience in 5th grade yet, but I had already read Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret and had no idea what the heck they were talking about in it. Still, I was totally blind sided by my mom despite her best efforts, and I don't know how much of it I absorbed, but when we were done, she left me with the book to look at.

Side note: I am SO glad that my first one was a boy and that Chris has to do the first talk! Maybe both depending on what this next baby is! Whew, lucked out on one at least.

Side note #2: How do they decide which teacher has to do the sex ed talk at school? With the boys it was obvious -- we had one male teacher in the entire school, so he always got stuck doing it. But we had multiple female 5th grade teachers, and they always did the entire grade at once. Did they rotate? Draw straws? Rock paper scissors? Or maybe at the first faculty meeting of the year, someone would look up at some point and realize that everyone else already had their thumbs on their forheads. Damnit!!!

So anyway. The book gave me a little sense of security. It also made me feel sort of validated -- I could show Jonah, "See? I'm not making this up! These things do happen!"

This was a very important conversation, you see. His entire attitude toward the whole big brother thing completely hinged on my presentation -- I could not mess it up! Because at age 3, he's totally going to remember every single word of it, right?

So I read the title and told him that I got this book for him because he is going to be a big brother soon. His response? "I'm already a big brother."

Ok. So then I pointed out the baby on the cover and said that we were going to have a baby at our house.

As chipper and upbeat as can be: "Oh, thanks!"

Then I explain that we were going to all go to Mommy's doctor in the morning ("the doctor with the fish?" -- that would be my chiropractor) and she is going to listen to my tummy to see if we can hear the baby because the baby is growing in my tummy. At this point he asks Chris, "Dad, what's growing your tummy?" Chris replies "Nothing." Jonah: "Here, you can have this duck" and he stuffs a toy duck under Chris's shirt.

Then he laid on my chest and listened to my heartbeat ("I hear the baby!") and that was pretty much it.

This morning he patted my tummy and asked where the baby was, so I pointed and he asked, "Can I lay on it?" Since it's not uncomfortable yet, I told him he could, and we spent a few minutes on the couch like that.

I still haven't sat down and formulated any responses to the predictable questions that I know he will ask at some point. Like: How will the baby get out? And, How did the baby get in there? (Though for that one, I kind of like my sister-in-law Heather's theory: that Chris and I just looked at each other and "BAM! A human life emerged.")

(We got pretty lucky right away.)

(Again.)

Ooh, on second thought, though -- I can see Jonah panicking every time Chris and I are together.
"STOP LOOKING AT EACH OTHER!!!!"

Yeah, maybe we won't tell him that.

Everything went well at my appointment -- we finally heard the heartbeat, and it was in the upper 150's-low 160's (my favorite running rate!) Since everything is going so well, I have now been "released" onto a normal schedule and won't go back for four weeks.

At that point, I will have to start the weekly shots. Not looking forward to 20 weeks of that, but you do what you gotta do. Two more days, and then you will all know!

So much for sucking it in. (From Nov. 18)

2010-11-28T08:00:00.001-06:00

11 weeks, and I'm arousing suspicion. My pants are currently being held together by a rubber band because I'll be damned if I'm ready for maternity ones yet! I have heard of four students who have asked -- though none of them asked me directly! And the intense stares at my belly have begun in earnest. This is one of the drawbacks to spending my entire day in front of an audience. I wish I could hide behind a desk -- but not really, because I think I would go insane with boredom if my job kept me at a desk all day every day.

I think it was my outfit on Tuesday that gave me away. It's National Education Week, and our school has themed dress days. Tuesday was "college/team day." So I wore an old Augustana hoodie circa 1993 (or '94, sometime when I was still in high school). I was so excited to be able to wear a baggy sweatshirt all day and not have to worry about showing -- until the heat kicked on in my room. I got intensely hot-flashy and thought I would pass out, so I had to take the sweatshirt off. The shirt I had on under it is not normally tight, but apparently it is now tight enough to be noticeable. Dang it!

Oh well, only one more week and there will be no need to be secretive anymore.

To aid in my not being able to keep it secret anymore, a box of maternity clothes from Heather arrived the other day! It's so fun at first -- it's an entire new wardrobe! And, I never got to wear any of my long-sleeved stuff with Jonah, so it really IS new to me. I think she's added to it, either that or I forgot what I had. I'm sure that by February I will be longing for spring because I'm sick of my clothes but I don't want to buy anymore because I'll hopefully never have to wear them again after this. But for now it's fun.

In other fun news, I'm racing this weekend!!! It's the Furrow Euro, European style cross country race, and I can't wait! I don't really know how hard I will go -- probably not very. But this is the kind of race that you just do for fun anyway -- it's the same course that the high school uses for its cross country invite, and there are creek crossings and hay bails to jump over -- not exactly a PR course (except compared to itself, I guess). I have only done it once, two years ago, and I don't have the slightest idea what my time was. I don't think I knew or cared at the time either. It's just FUN!

I bought a t-shirt that says "Mommy's Future Running Partner" with an arrow pointing to my belly, and I would LOVE to race in it, but I'm going to be patient and save it. Maybe I'll wear it next weekend after the news is out, even though next weekend's event is not a running one. We're going to Iowa to race the Jingle Cross Rock cyclocross races! More low-stakes, low-pressure, low-intensity RACING! Ah, I love it! I have not done a cyclocross race since before Jonah was born, and I haven't been on my mountain bike WITHOUT his trailer attached since...I don't know when. Point is, this one is not going to be serious at all either. But at least I can say I'm racing.

I thought about what I did with I was pregnant with Jonah, and it didn't seem like much, but I still managed to do a little bit of everything. I did an indoor bike race (before I knew I was pregnant -- I felt SO tired, but it was too early to test yet), a swim meet (also before I knew -- I found out a couple of days after), only one running race, and a sprint triathlon. So I want to do at least that much this time. There will be no swim meets, though.

So here's my "race schedule" for the rest of 2010 and winter of 2011:

This week: Furrow Euro 5k

Next week: Jingle Cross Rock cyclocross

Sometime over the winter: One of those indoor tris up by Chicago. I have always wanted to do one, and what better time?

I'd like to do more of the fun winter races, too, like Chilly Chili, which is not technically a race. Or the Siberian Express in January. Those types of events are exactly what I have been craving.

Come spring? I have absolutely no idea.

Here are a couple of belly pics from Week 11:

The shirt that gave me away (seriously)? Jonah took this one again -- Chris helped him aim this time. :)

Why are my pants getting tight already? (From November 12)

2010-11-27T08:00:00.003-06:00

It's week 10, and all of a sudden things are not fitting right. What the heck? I was really hoping to hold out for a little while longer -- ok, a lot longer. But then, I remembered that I wore maternity pants on my birthday in '07, and that would have only been 11 weeks. Still, that was different. I was SO excited to look pregnant that I started rocking the maternity pants as soon as I could without them falling down. This time, I remember the discomfort that went with being big, and all of the emotional havoc it wreaked ("Why am I getting fat everywhere? Why isn't it just staying in my belly? What if my thighs look like this for the rest of my life???" and so on) and I am anxious to stay looking like myself for as long as possible.

I guess that time is up. I knew it would happen earlier the second time, and since my tummy popped out super early the first time (I couldn't wear ANY of my regular pants after 12 weeks), this would be just about right.

Heather currently has most of my maternity wardrobe -- she has sent a box of some stuff back to me, though, and probably just in time. I was hoping I wouldn't need any of it until Christmas, but I just realized: I will be 16 weeks at Christmas! There is NO WAY I can "suck it in" that long! Dang it!

Shirts are becoming a problem. At least with pants, I can fall back on the "big girl" set I had to buy when I had a strange and inexplicable weight gain (explanation: Depo Provera! As soon as I went off of that, it disappeared almost immediately!!!). I have all sorts of empire-waist summery shirts, but all of my long sleeved stuff is more fitted. I did buy one maternity shirt that was on clearance at Target, but WOW, nothing makes you look pregnant like a "belly shirt!" I tried it on and immediately took it off. My goal is to be inconspicuous about it for a few more weeks, but if I wore that thing to school, there would be no question whatsoever.

I am kind of -- no, REALLY looking forward to the second trimester. That seems to be sort of the golden period of pregnancy, when you finally start to look pregnant rather than pudgy, you're over the all-day sickness and exhaustion, and you get to find to out what you're having if you want to (my instinct says girl! or maybe not), but you can still move around and do most things because you haven't reached the horribly-uncomfortable-all-of-the-time-and-just-ready-to-get-on-with-it stage of the last trimester.

4 more weeks left of the first trimester. Wow, that's...coming up really fast.

Names (From November 10)

2010-11-27T08:00:00.002-06:00

I haven't thought about this very much yet, and probably won't actually until we find out the sex of the baby, but I have absolutely no idea what to name this kid. If it's a girl, we could use the name we had picked out last time, but I haven't really tossed it around in my head much yet to see if I still like it. If it's a boy...I have absolutely no idea what we'll do. There are just no other boys' names that we both like. None. AT ALL.

One thing I do know, however, is that Jonah will have NO part in the naming process! Here is a sampling of Jonah's naming tendencies:

Steen -- his pet fish
Stingle -- his rubber snake
Sharney -- his alter-ego name for when he pretends to be a puppy
Stompy -- a small toy owl
Soondy -- stuffed shark
Barney -- a toy walrus
Oscar -- stuffed bear (the most normal name of all)
Ollie -- stuffed Nemo fish

Those are the ones that are intelligible. He has named a bunch other things, but I can't pronounce them. I don't even think Jonah himself could say them the same way twice. I have a feeling that if we left it up to him, his new brother or sister would be named something like Slookly Glownky Sweet. No thanks!

I am feeling much more relaxed and confident about this pregnancy now! I've been going in every two weeks for check-ups, just as an extra precaution, and my most recent one was this morning. I was supposed to just see the doctor and hopefully hear the heartbeat for the first time. But she had been called over to the hospital at the last minute for a delivery, so she wasn't there. Instead, they offered to give me another ultrasound as compensation. Fine with me!

OMG, this one was AMAZING!!! I just had one two weeks ago, and it is unbelievable how different he/she looks already! It went from a little bean with teeny arm and leg buds to looking like an actual baby! And it was ACTIVE! It was rolling and wiggling and somersaulting all over the place, and waving its arms and kicking its legs like crazy! I guess since it was so still just two weeks ago, I wasn't expecting that. And since it's too early for me to feel it, I don't really think of it moving all around like that. I should have, though. I remember at this point when we heard Jonah's heartbeat for the first time, he kept moving around and the doctor had to keep chasing him with her doppler so we could hear him. It was just entirely different to SEE it.

One more visit in 2 weeks, and then it will be Thanksgiving. That's when we're planning to tell the rest of world, and also hopefully at that point I will be able to go on a more relaxed visit schedule. Not that I mind getting a glimpse of the little guy/girl every two weeks, but my schedule changes 2nd semester and it's going to be impossible to get to appointments without taking sick days.

We don't have a scanner anymore, so I just took a picture of the picture. It's not the best quality, but here is Baby Sweet at 10 weeks -- arms waving, legs kicking. We actually have another one that is better -- the legs are extended a little more, and the arms are clearer. But Jonah got ahold of that one and it is now too wrinkly to photograph well. :)

And here's what he/she looked like from the outside as of two weeks ago: (photo courtesy of Jonah -- he didn't do too bad other than cutting off my head. ;))

Guidelines (from October 20)

2010-11-26T08:10:00.001-06:00

FYI: This one's mostly for my athlete friends who are or may soon be pregnant (or who have wives who are/may soon be pregnant).

I have had three fantastic runs in a row, and I am starting to feel much better about working out. I still occasionally get dizzy, and sometimes I'm so tired that it's all I can do to drag myself out the door, but I know that will pass in a few weeks. I'm still a little apprehensive, but I know that I need to keep exercising all the way through my pregnancy again -- there is no doubt in my mind that that was the reason Jonah was as healthy as he was despite being a preemie. Also, I have no reason to believe that exercise had anything whatsoever to do with his coming early.

But it would be nice not to have to lie to my doctor.

At my initial appointment with Jonah, the nurse flatly told me "No running." What? "No running." I'm sorry, WHAT? I nearly went into a panic.

Then the doctor came in and said, "Oh, if you're a runner already, don't worry about it. Of course you can still run."

Oh, thank god.

"Just make sure to keep your heart rate below 120."

Excuse me? Did you say 120? Is the ACOG recommendation not 140? I can't take the garbage out without going above 120. I was worried about 140, because that is lower than my easy pace. HOW IN THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ANYTHING below 120?????

Easy. I wasn't. It was simply impossible for me to do anything, even walk sometimes, without raising my heart rate above that, especially in the early weeks when my blood volume had not yet caught up with my newly expanded blood vessels (due to some crazy changes in your circulatory system, heart rates often skyrocket in the first trimester, only to calm back down in the second trimester, and then by the 3rd trimester it gets hard to raise it at all!) So I overruled the doctor and went for the more traditional 140 limit. I stuck to that pretty carefully, although it was exceedingly annoying. Sometimes I went without a heart rate monitor and judged my effort by perceived exertion, all the while feeling like a renegade, because what if my heart rate was 141????

Toward the end of my pregnancy, which was too late for all practical purposes, I read the book Exercising Through Your Pregnancy by Dr. James Clapp. It was essentially a breath of fresh air, providing empirical evidence of the benefits of exercising NORMALLY while pregnant. I didn't HAVE to keep my heart rate below 140! Granted, I was also not supposed to throw down any hard track intervals, but slightly elevated, regular breating is actually a GOOD thing for the baby. It is NOT depriving the baby of oxygen, or stressing it unnecessarily, nor does the "bouncing" hurt it (depending on the baby's position as it gets bigger-- if it's hurting you, stop. You'll be able to tell). It seems like it would be, which is probably why everyone has assumed for so many years that running is bad, but guess what? Moms who consistenly exercise, and even bring their heart rates all the way up to their aerobic threshold level, have the healthiest babies. It's only if you go into the anaerobic zone and stay there for too long that you pose any risk to the baby. In one study, they cut the mother off after a few minutes because she had let her heart rate get up to 200 and wasn't slowing down (Allred 2000). Core temperature is also important -- if your core temperature (which is always higher than an oral thermometer reading) goes up to about 103, it gets dangerous for the baby. I don't anticipate that to be an issue this winter. :)

Back to the idea of aerobic vs. anaerobic states. During aerobic exercise, your breathing remains steady, though it my be elevated, and you are able to carry on a conversation without gasping. The anaerobic threshold is the point at which you start gasping for breath, cannot hold a conversation, and your muscles begin to hurt from lactic acid. I think that the ACOG picked 140 as their max heart rate max because that is probably the threshold rate for most people (i.e. not endurance athletes). My threshold heart rate is usually in the upper-150's. Theoretically, according to some of the zones I had plugged in to Training Peaks from last summer, I could do a 5k at just under 8:00 pace and still not go over my threshold. In theory, that is -- I'm in pretty good shape right now, but not in peak race shape, so I'm pretty sure that in practice I would be hurting at sub-8:00 pace. Not that it matters -- I don't feel the need to do anything fast or hard right now, but it's nice to know I don't have to worry about the baby exploding or something if I let my mind wander during a run and forget to go slow.

I'm not even going to use a heart rate monitor this time around, I've decided. I think the easiest and least stressful way to go about it is to do what feels good, and keep it conversational. If I get too winded to be able to talk easily, I'll slow down.

Also, it's nice to know that I will one day be myself again -- if not faster! With Jonah, I was always afraid that I was losing too much fitness and that life after a baby might be so crazy that I would never get back into shape. But I did. It was hard -- really, really hard. But within six months after he was born, I had lost all of my baby weight and was within seconds of my old 5k PR. Six more months went by, and I had shattered every PR I'd had in every running distance from 3 miles to marathon (hooray for post-pregnancy blood doping!). I know I'll get back there again, so I'm approaching this pregnancy with less anxiety, in that respect at least.

For anyone else in this position, here are a few books I've read on the subject:

Exercising Through Your Pregnancy, Dr. James Clapp: Very encouraging, heavily suppored with research based on 20+ years of studies. He does list contraindications to certain types of exercise, and doesn't give a green light to do anything and everything, but he does provide data-driven analysis on the effects of exercise on both mother and baby, and comes to the conclusion that the ACOG guidelines are unnecessarily conservative with regards to athletes. The "average" (i.e. normally sedentary) person who did not exercise regularly before pregnancy would probably do well to follow the ACOG recommendations -- but Clapp takes the stance that athletes are NOT "the average person" and the guidelines are not one size fits all.

Entering the Mothering Zone, Alexandra Powe Allred: Less helpful than I thought it would be, but still inspirational. The author herself participated in one of Clapp's studies, so not much new information, but nice to see an athlete's first hand perspective on his work. Mostly a loooong roll call of celebrities and athletes and what they did during their pregnancies. The end result was that I felt empowered, but a little like a slacker! :)

Runner's World Guide to Running During Pregnancy, Chris Lundgren: Ok. A bit more conservative maybe than Clapp, but still affirms that running can be beneficial. I actually don't remember much of it, because I read it three years ago and haven't picked it up this time around.

One final note that all of the books agree on, and that seems like pure common sense, but still causes some women to feel distressed and gulity: in the 3rd trimester, all bets are off! One person might be able to run all the way up to the day of delivery, while another might have to stop at 6 months. Much of that depends on the baby's positioning and the discomfort the mother feels, and not so much on the mother's level of fitness or motivation. So: don't feel like a failure if you just have to stop at some point! There are other options -- more on those later.

Already? (From October 16)

2010-11-26T08:03:00.003-06:00

Wow, I seem to have forgotten a few things about pregnancy. Namely, how early everything starts.

I know some things start right away -- feeling like you've been shot with a tranquilizer, for instance. And feeling like crap while running. But I don't remember much of the rest of it starting until 8 or 9 weeks. Then again, they say that everything seems to happen earlier the second time around. And for a lot of people, nausea is the tip-off that they're pregnant, so of course that should start in right away. I was sorta hoping to be spared that part, though.

This past week has been difficult, food wise. Up until this week, I have been absolutely starving all of the time. I remember once with Jonah I ate almost an entire Lucca's pizza by myself, but that was sometime in the 2nd trimester, when I could still fit both a baby and that much food in there. Was I really this hungry this early before? Maybe.

(Edit: Ah, yes I was. I just went back and read a post from this point in time with Jonah, and somewhere I mentioned being ravenously hungry constantly. Ok then, nevermind.)

This week, things have changed. I have not started craving anything, except maybe red meat and eggs (protein!), but even that was not one of the MUST HAVE NOW OR I WILL LITERALLY DIE cravings that I assume are still on the way. More like, I cannot tolerate anything but Cheez-Its and Gatorade right now.

I picked a bunch of basil to make pesto for the winter. Homemade pesto is one of my absolute most favorite foods in the whole entire world. I made one batch, which we ate for dinner. The next morning, I opened the fridge and got a whiff it of (there was another bunch of basil still left) and wanted to hurl. Which really sucked because I was planning on bringing that for lunch.

So then I made my usual breakfast of toast with peanut butter and honey. The smell of the toast turned my stomach. So did the thought of peanut butter. And honey. And coffee. And pretty much everything else we had, except pop tarts. Pop Tarts it was, then.

That's been pretty much the routine all week. Today I thought I wanted cheese and crackers, but when I tried some, I realized that, no I absolutely did NOT want that after all. How about a banana? Oh dear God, no. Pizza? YES.

I'm trying not to fall completely off the wagon, though. Luckily, swiss chard sounded awesome, and then still tasted awesome after I actually smelled it. That's loaded with folic acid, so good. Chocolate makes me want to gag. And since Halloween is just around the corner, that could ultimately be a good thing. Salty and tangy seem to be ok, for the most part.

So far it's shaping up to be like last time, where ~~I don't actually get sick, but~~ I FEEL sick pretty much constantly. (Edit: Spoke too soon. Curses! Luckily, my mom has told me about the Prima Bella band, which I'm hoping will help!)

The crazy smell thing is starting, too. Last time there was a smell in my classroom that got me. I'd never noticed it before, and I stopped noticing it by the time I went back to work after Jonah was born. But in the spring of '07, I would get sick the moment I had to bring my head back into the room after I'd stuck it out the window. I'd like to not have to repeat that.

This time, it seems to be Steen's tank. I got Jonah a fish for his birthday, and he named it Steen (with 2 e's). Steen needs his water partially changed each week. I think I got the chemicals off the first week, because it was nasty and murky, so I cleaned the entire tank. I nearly doubled over on the ground when that smell hit me. So far the tank still looks pristine this week, so I think I'll just change out part of the water, and hopefully it will not be as bad.

One final anecdote, for anyone who thinks these symptoms are all mental (ahem, CHRIS -- actually, he hasn't commented on that yet this time, so maybe he's come around ;))

As soon as I got to my desk Friday, I smelled peppermint. Peppermint? I looked through all the drawers and could not find where the heck it was coming from, but I kept smelling it. Huh. By lunchtime, it was driving my crazy, so I emptied out every drawer in my desk, and finally in the back of the very bottom drawer, I found a pack of Trident. I have no idea how long it's been there, but I know I haven't bought any of that since at least last school year. Pregnancy Bloodhound Smell has begun to kick in, apparently.

Here we go again! (From October 7)

2010-11-25T13:00:00.004-06:00

We've been trying for another baby for a little while (ok, not very long at all, actually!), and all month I've been really optimistic. Especially in the last few days, all signs have been pointing to 'yes.'

Especially this one:

And just like that, everything changes. I'm tellin' ya, you are never the same once you've seen a plus sign on a pregnancy test!

This time we could not have planned it any better! The due date (assuming this one stays in that long) will be June 7. Coincidentally, our last day of school if we use all 5 snow days will be: June 7! If I'm lucky, I will not have to take a maternity leave at ALL, which is great because I will probably have negative sick days by the end of the year. I've been burning through them at light speed each year since I had Jonah.

Just like last time, I totally knew well before I took the test. Partly, you just have this feeling. But, I've gotten my hopes up before and then been wrong, so I didn't want to put too much stock in that. But then history started to repeat itself a little bit. I started feeing tired, like I was going under anesthesia all of a sudden. It is not like any normal tiredness, and it's something I've only ever felt once before in my life. That was the first clue. Then, I felt bad on a run. Again, I didn't want to read too much into it. It could have just been an off day. But then the next time I felt absolutely miserable and dizzy, and had to walk. Two in a row, and something's up. That's how I knew with Jonah, too.

When I did take the test, I watched as the blue plus sign faded in, and at first it didn't show up. Only one line did, and it looked negative. I was shocked, because by this time I KNEW it should be positive. Then after a minute, the cross line showed up and I was relieved. I had pretty much the same reaction as with Jonah: intense giddiness and overwhelming relief, with a healthy dose of paralyzing terror thrown in for good measure. ;)

This time around, I was too nervous to be really excited right away. In fact, as soon as I found out, one of my many simultaneous first thoughts was "I can't tell anyone. (Except Chris. And my mom). If I don't tell anyone, I can keep it safe." I know. Completely irrational. But don't pregnant women get a permanent free pass to be irrational all the time? Score!

Update
It is now October 12, almost a week since I took the test, and I am feeling better already, even though I am only 6 weeks right now and nothing is a given at this point. I saw the nurse yesterday and the doctor today and even had a sonogram already "just to check things out." That was kind of hard -- I got very emotional and terrified the moment I entered the sonogram room. I was just so afraid that she wouldn't see anything! But she did! At 6 weeks, it is only the size of a lentil bean, and it's still too small to hear a heartbeat. But it is definitely there, and when I held my breath we were able to see the teeny tiny blinking light that was a little heart, beating away at 124 bmp. I cannot describe the relief that washed over me when I saw that. I have to go back in 2 more weeks for another sonogram, and then another week after that we will hopefully be able to hear the heartbeat. Then then we can relax a little.

It is strange being watched so closely, but I'm very appreciative at the same time. Normally I wouldn't get a sonogram until week 18-20 unless there was a complication. It's nice not having to wait that long, even if it doesn't really look like anything yet. Starting at week 16, it is going to be a pain, though, but again, a worthwhile one. Because Jonah was born early, I am going to have to get a progesterone shot once a week from week 16 to 36. Yuck! But, both my doctor and my mom say it works, and if that's the case, I'm all over it. Strangely, I am more weirded out by having to swallow a prenatal horse pill (why are prenatal vitamins so huge? How is someone suffering from morning sickness expected to be able to swallow it without puking?) than get a shot. I like my chocolate chewable vitamins. There are prenatal chewables, but their taste made me nauseous last time, and now even thinking about them makes me gag. Oh well.
(Another update -- my doctor gave me a prescription for some that are small, yay!)

I was also told at my appointment that my estimated due date is June 8. Not that it matters, but the calendar I used said June 7, while the sonogram measurement said June 9. I'm hoping I can make to June with the help of those shots.

One of the sentences from Babycenter.com's week-by-week breakdown for week 6 said, "The nose, mouth, and ears that you'll spend so much time kissing in eight months are starting to take shape." And I remembered how sweet baby Jonah was when he was born and how I really just could not stop kissing him. Even now, I just love to kiss his little cheeks as long as he doesn't squirm away from me. :) Now, trying to picture a new little baby, I CAN'T WAIT to do this again!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T12:59:00.002-06:00

I've been typing and saving and not publishing posts for, what, 6 weeks or so? 7?

Except for that one time when I accidentally published one and then had to delete it right away. CRAP!

Anyway, there's a reason for that, and today is as good a day as any to come out with it.

As of this Tuesday, I am 12 weeks pregnant! :) We're breaking the news to "the general public" today, mostly because much of Chris's extended family will all be in one place for Thanksgiving so the timing is really quite convenient, but also because everything is going really well so far and we're more or less out of the woods as far as first trimester problems go.

So yeah. We have a LOT to be thankful for this year!

Up next is the first post I wrote after I found out, and then over the next few days I'll put up all the other ones I've been sitting on. It's been a pretty eventful 6 (7?) weeks!

But probably not as eventful as 6 (7?) months from now.

Sensitivity Training

2010-10-05T10:36:00.005-06:00

Jonah is at an age where he speaks his mind freely, frequently and loudly. He has no internal filter, nor any concept of the "indoor voice." So we have started having discussions of what is and is not ok to say in public.

We were at the grocery store recently, and in one of the aisles was an enormously obese woman. I couldn't blame Jonah for staring -- I really don't think he'd seen anyone that huge before. So, naturally, he immediately yelled, "HEY, look at that fat lady! She's really fat!" I wanted to crawl under my shopping cart and hide. She heard, I know she did, but she did not look at us. I leaned over to Jonah and told him quietly (hoping in vain that he would take my cue and lower his voice, too) that it is not nice to call people fat.
"But she IS fat!"
I said, even quieter, "I know, but it's not nice to say it." He looked confused, but didn't say anything.

We saw her again later, and he said, "HEY, there's that lady!" I saw him open his mouth to say she was fat again, so I gave him a mom look, and he hesitated a second, thought better of it, and said, "She has a blue shirt!" Crisis averted.

Later, at bedtime, I brought it up. "Remember when we saw that lady at the store?" He did remember, and it was kind of neat to see the wheels turning in his head. He had listened to me when I told him he shouldn't call her fat, but he didn't understand why, and he needed me to explain it.
"Yeah, she was really fat."
"Yes, and then I told you that it isn't nice to call people fat."
"Yeah. Why can't I say that?"
"People don't like it when you call them fat. It hurts their feelings and it isn't nice."
He seemed to accept that. "Oh. She had a blue shirt."

A few days later, we were at the doctor's office, and Jonah was playing with the toys in the waiting room when a black family came in. Their son started playing with the toys, too, and Jonah was delighted. He always expects me to know everyone's name. "Who is that boy? He's playing toys with me. I like him." Then, "He has a brown face. And he has brown hands and brown arms. I like him. What's his name?" He just said this aloud to no one in particular, and the boy didn't say anything. Just then we got called back, so I didn't have time to formulate a response.

I'm less sure of how to handle this one. In the car on the way home, I brought it up again and asked if he remembered the boy in the waiting room.
"Yeah, he had a brown face and brown arms. It's not like my face." Again, Jonah was curious and wanted an explanation. I told him that people have different color faces just like they have different color hair and eyes. Jonah has blue eyes, Mommy has brown eyes. Jonah has light skin, and that boy had dark skin. I told him it's a good thing that people have different kinds of hair and skin and eyes, and that no color is better than another. I don't know if he understood that, but he thought about it for awhile.

I hope I handled that right.

I think that the most important thing is that I keep talking to him about situations that I know confuse him. He needs me and Chris to help him make sense of the world, and it is essential that I address his questions rather than ignore them or brush them off. Something tells me this is only going to get harder, but that is all the more reason to keep the lines of communication open starting now. I want him to continue to trust me enough and feel comfortable enough to come to me with questions, even as he grows and the questions get trickier. I may not always have the answers, but hopefully I can at least be a sounding board for him.

Change of Plans

2010-09-11T22:22:00.006-06:00

About two weeks ago, I was reading a friend's blog. She is on Chris's tri team, and will be competing tomorrow in the Rev3 half-ironman that has been on our race calendar. In her post, she mentioned that she was excited to be racing in two weeks.

Wait, what?

Two weeks???? But it's not until almost the middle of September! That's not for another...oh. Two weeks.

CRAP!!!!!

I had been planning on doing this race for over a year, but I never signed up. I kept putting it off, until the day that registration closed. In the meantime, I have been ignoring the training schedule I would have needed to follow in order to race well, and now that time is up, I'm not in shape and I don't want to race.

It all basically comes down to that second thing. I don't want to race. I think I could do it -- when I say that I'm "not in shape," I mean I'm not in half-ironman shape. I've actually regained quite a bit of fitness this summer. I did relatively well at a few short races, and even won a (small) local 5k.

Yeah. I know. I never thought I'd see the day either.

But a fast 5k does not equate to a strong half-IM, and I was not looking forward to a suffer fest just so I could say I finished. Plus, $250 is a lot of money to throw away on something that I didn't think I would enjoy. There were a whole bunch of other reasons on the "don't race" side of the pros and cons list (yes, of course I made a list) and not very many on the "go for it" side. So, here I am at home while Chris is in Ohio with his teammates. I would have loved to race with them, but maybe another year.

The day I finally acknowledgd to myself that I didn't want to race, I went for a glorious run on the trails by Lake Evergreen. I realized a couple of things out there. 1) I want to do more trail races. Those are pure fun mixed with appreciation and awe, and I hardly ever care how fast or slow I am at them. 2) I've been saying for years that signing up for a major, intimidating race is a good way to force myself to get/stay in shape. Obviously, that is not true. It wasn't true for Ironman Lake Placid in '06, or for the Boston Marathon last year, and it clearly wasn't true for Rev3 this year. In fact, the only time that ever really worked was for the Columbus Marathon in '08. And then, it wasn't so much the race itself that motivated me, but rather that the goal I had set was really, really important to me. If I am not truly and deeply motivated to reach a goal, I won't train no matter how big the race is. (Seriously, who blows off an Ironman??? Or the freaking Boston Marathon, for Christ's sake?)

I think that reaching the most unattainable goal I've ever wanted to reach (BQ) has left me satiated. It's not that I don't have anything left to shoot for -- I have goals that I'd like to reach for pretty much every conceivable race or distance. But none of them are getting me very fired up right now. That space in my chest that gets all worked up when I really want to go after something has been pretty calm lately. So I think...no more racing until that starts rumbling again. At least nothing serious. Trail races and "just for fun" races are totally ok.

And tomorrow, even though I'm not racing, I'm still going to have my work cut out for me trying to keep up with everyone else who is. Between Ironman Wisconsin and Rev3, there are dozens of people I'm going to be following online. I wish I could be there in person for one of those races, but watching the online coverage and keeping my cell phone in hand all day long will have to suffice.

There is a very good possibility that after watching the livestream of finishers, I will be back here on Monday saying "OK! NEW GOAL!!! I'M FIRED UP, LET'S GO, NOW!" But tonight, I'm wishing everyone else the best of luck while breathing a sigh of relief that I decided not to go ahead with it myself.

Keeping him entertained

2010-08-01T17:18:00.006-06:00

This is from August, and I just realized I never posted it.
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What I wouldn't give to take a leisurely shower with no interruptions!

Jonah has been taking really late naps lately, sometimes not waking up until 5 or 6pm. I probably shouldn't let him sleep so late, but I need naptime! What this means, however, is that he does not go to sleep until sometimes 11pm. This in turn means that I am too tired to wake up at 5am for a workout. I have been waking up when he does, around 7-ish. And that means that if I want to take a shower, I have to do it while he's up.

This presents a challenge.

When he was a baby, I could just put his little duck-shaped blow-up bath in the tub with me and get us both clean at once, as long as I made sure the shower water didn't spray on him. But now he's bigger, and the tub in our new house is smaller, and that no longer works. Instead, I have to wait until he seems to be distracted, and in a good enough mood to entertain himself for 10 minutes. More often than not, it doesn't work.

Today it worked sort of. Jonah insisted on joining me in the bathroom, but he did not scream for me to get out the entire time. He just wanted to play. As soon as he figured out I was in the shower, he came into the bathroom to be with me.

This is the part where I remind myself that in ten years he will never want to be around me, so I should take it now when I can get it.

"Hi, Mommy!" I look down to see a little hand waving at me through the curtain. The hand disappears, and a moment later a rubber ducky plops down at my feet, followed by three squeezy balls and two little cups. He's giving me his bath toys. I have to smile at that.

This is followed by several minutes of him playing peek-a-boo by yanking open the shower curtain and then closing it again, giggling ridiculously when water splashes on him and on the floor. He stops as suddenly as he started, but I know I need to hurry.

"Hey, look at me!" I peek through the shower curtain, shampoo running into my eyes, to see that he has found the hairdryer and is wearing it around his neck like a scarf. It is not plugged in, and to my relief, he takes it off when I tell him to.

I have most of the shampoo out when I hear, "Hey, is this for pooping?" I look out again, and he is unrolling the entire roll of toilet paper and stuffing it in the toilet. I decide to forgo conditioner.

"I'm going to brush my teeth." Ok, great. "I'm going to use this." I look out again -- he is using the little hand broom I keep in there because I can't stand having dog hair on the bathroom floor. I decide to skip soap, too. I hop out of the shower just in time, as he immediately realizes that the broom is leaving dog hair on his tongue and starts crying for me to get it off.

You would think our water bill would be going down a bit, what with the short showers (or no showers at all) I've been taking this summer. But, one of Jonah's favorite new activities is to "rinse" at the kitchen sink. The self-righteous environmentalist angel on my right shoulder tells me I should not waste water like this, but the frazzled Mommy devil who has collapsed on my left shoulder just shrugs and says, "Hey, it keeps him entertained." Frazzled Mommy devil wins.

I turn on the kitchen faucet a little, pull up his stool, maybe pull out the hand rinser, and give him a few cups. He's good for up to 20 minutes, or until he accidentally points the rinser at himself, whichever comes first. The inevitable water mess is totally worth it -- plus, he is now under the impression that washing dishes is "fun" and who am I to dissuade him?

Also fun is "sweeping," which for Jonah involves pushing the broom around the room at random, and not actually collecting and disposing of any actual "yucky stuff" on the floor. Again, fine. I had to buy another broom because he likes it so much that he won't let me have it. And when we're both sweeping, he always ruins my pile, but I don't care. It keeps him happy.

If it wasn't so blasted hot, we could be playing outside a little more -- and we have done the sprinkler thing a few times. Anything with water. But it is absolutely miserable out there, so we've been indoors most of the time. I'm running out of ideas. I don't know what I'll do when he discovers that washing dishes is actually not fun at all, and neither is sweeping the floor.

I guess I need to teach him how to do laundry.

Games

2010-07-02T23:10:00.005-06:00

I'm glad to be back competing. I just finished my 3rd weekend in a row of racing, and it feels good. I'm slowly getting back into shape, and feeling like I can compete rather than slog to the finish.

Really, the past 7 months have been tough. I realized that I need some kind of competitive outlet or I start playing ridiculous games with myself all the time. Like "Can I Empty The Entire Dishwasher Before My Toast Is Done?" I can win against the toaster most of the time, so sometimes I go for the tougher opponent: oatmeal in the microwave. I also play "Can I grade all of these quizzes before my copies are done?" Works well for vocab quizzes, not so much for essays. The other day I caught myself competing with Jonah. We were watching cars go by, and we bet on what color car would pass next.

(I won.)

I remember this from the last time I was unable to compete for a long time, which was when I was pregnant. The stupidest flare-up of my competitive streak that I remember was at the first post-partum appointment. We were talking about my recovery and Jonah being early. I said that I was glad he didn't end up being 9 pounds like he'd been on track for. My doctor made an off-hand remark that some say tiny babies are actually harder to deliver because their smaller mass requires more contraction to push out. I don't know if that's true or not, but it made me smile. I win.

I KNOW! Ridiculous!

So needless to say, I am really glad that I get to be racing again. I can't get enough!

In the pool this morning, I was in a lane next to Steve, who is the only other person at morning lap swim who can swim with somewhat decent form. One thing I have going for me with swimming is stroke efficiency -- I may not be as fast as I want to be, or as strong as I was a few years ago, but I can still hold my own thanks to having good form. Anyway, I got there late and only had 40 minutes to swim, so I decided to do 5 x 400. The first one was a warm-up, the next 3 were descend (go faster each 100), and the last was cool-down. I would be even with Steve for the beginning (slow) part of each 400, but then blow by him as I picked up the pace toward the end. I could tell this was frustrating him. Then I got to my cool-down, and it just happened that Steve and I pushed off the wall at the same time. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he was hanging with me.

Enter temptation. I threw down a couple of hard pulls and surged ahead before reminding myself that this was my cool-down. Then I noticed that Steve pulled up next to me again.

He's racing me. Well, then. That settles that -- it's ON! But it's my cool-down! So conflicting!

I pulled up to about a body length ahead of him and stayed there. Not too hard, but probably a little harder than necessary. When we finished, he was breathing heavy, and eventually he sputtered "DANG! All I ever do is swim steady -- it's nice to have someone here who can swim fast!" I kind of hope he'll step it up -- I could use a good racing partner.

That is one thing I really miss since having Jonah. Chris was my best swim partner. I can't run or bike with him to save my life, but I could hang with him in the pool. I could even beat him sometimes. My favorite thing to do was to race him secretly, like Steve did with me this morning. I would blow myself up on the warm-up to do it, and then nonchalantly glide into the wall ahead of him like it was nothing. "Yeah, that was my warm-up pace. What?" I know he wasn't fooled, but damnit I had to beat him at something!

This weekend is a break from racing before the Evergreen Tri on the 17th. It's still going to be tough, but not in a competitive way. We are going to Madison for WIBA, where we will swim, bike, and run on the Ironman Wisconsin course. We've gone the last 3 years, and it's a blast! It will be nearly double my longest ride of the year, and more than double my longest run, but I think I'm up to it. The only sad part will be leaving Jonah for 3 days (with Grandma Elaine). Other than that, I'm excited! Bring it on!!! (In a totally non-competitive way.)

Reflections

2010-07-02T06:22:00.013-06:00

I keep finding posts that I started and never finished, or finished and never published. This one is from early July.
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I've been thinking a lot about life during pregnancy now that my sister-in-law is expecting. I'm trying to hold myself back from constantly advising her on what to expect and "wait until x happens" and "well, for ME...." because that is annoying. I don't know what it is about pregnancy that draws casual acquaintances and complete strangers out of the woodwork with probing questions and waaaayyy too intimate stories of their own pregnancy and childbirth stories.

But...I don't know why...I can't help myself!

And even though I'm not a casual friend or a stranger, I know it can still get annoying. But it has been making me reflect a lot on what I learned during the experience (and what I hope I'll remember) for next time.

Just to clear the air, there is no immediate "next time" in the works for us, so you can just calm yourself right on down if you were starting to get excited. I'm just thinking here.

Anyway. There is quite a lot that I learned. For instance, in one post early on (12 weeks I think) I wrote "I look like I'm 5 months along instead of 3!" or something like that. Correction. At 12 weeks, the only thing that had "popped" were my boobs. My stomach looked distubingly similar to how it looks now. When the 5-month mark actually did roll around, I looked like I had swallowed a watermelon, and started wondering how much more my skin could stretch. I would continually wonder this each and every time I woke up bigger than I had gone to bed.

At 5 months, the bridesmaid dress I had bought for Heather's wedding (which was still 3 months away!) no longer fit. Not even close. This was the dress I had tried on with a "six-month pillow" not knowing I'd get pregnant sooner rather than later. Apparently I had neglected to try on the Six-Month Ribcage, the Six-Month Ass, and the Six-Month Thighs. Really, they need a Six-Month Bodysuit, because everything-and-I-mean-EVERYthing expands. Heather, if you're reading this, do not, I repeat DO NOT turn around in front of a mirror after week 20....in fact, do yourself a favor and just get rid of all full-length mirrors now. Pack them away with your regular sized clothes. (Oops, I said I'd try not to be preachy about what you should and shouldn't be doing. Ok, go right ahead and look but don't say I didn't warn you!)
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(9/11/10) And, this is where I stopped. I remember that I didn't mean to go off on a tangent about body image and that's why I just stopped writing. I had more to say, but now I can't remember what it was.

I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!!!!!

2010-06-20T08:20:00.000-06:00

I have to wait to post this until it's ok to tell the world. :) (Edit: They're at the trimester mark, have had a sonogram, have heard the heartbeat a few times and are announcing now!)

(No, it's not Lisa)

Andy and Heather are expecting!!!!! I got the news on Mother's Day, and even though I knew they'd been trying, and Heather's not-so-cryptic voice message from earlier in the day totally clued me in, I was still blown away when she actually said it. It's weird how that is. I remember when I saw the plus sign when I found out I was pregnant with Jonah. I KNEW I was pregnant, just absolutely knew it beyond a doubt, but seeing it in black (well, blue) and white just knocked the wind out of me. I started crying as soon as Heather told me, which sort of took me by surprise. I didn't realize how happy someone else's baby could make me! I love this little guy-or-girl a ton already, and I can't wait for Jonah to have a cousin!

The baby is due January 7. It could be a New Year's baby! I guess it depends on how things work out, but I'm already trying to figure out a way to get down to see them when the baby is born. I won't get as long of a Christmas break as usual, since Christmas Eve is on a Friday, and it's our year to go to Vegas for Christmas anyway. Besides, there is a good chance the baby wouldn't even be born yet. Spring Break would be the next opportunity. It's times like this that I wish I had the kind of job that let me take vacations whenever I needed them, and not whenever the school calendar said I had to take them. (But don't take that to mean I am at ALL ungrateful for my Christmas, Spring, and Summer breaks!)

Anyway, I am SOOO happy and excited! Congratulations Andy and Heather!!! :)

I'm smart.

2010-06-16T14:12:00.011-06:00

(This is from June, even though it is September when I am finally posting it.)

Today is a gorgeous summer day, the first in a string of stormy days. The only thing about gorgeous summer days is that they are hot (though "only" 80 degrees right now, which really isn't that bad for mid-June) and frequently humid. Early morning is far and away the best time to get a workout in.

I really needed to run today, but I must have turned my alarm clock off in my sleep because when I woke up, the sun was shining and Jonah was announcing that his clock was lellow (he has a fancy clock that turns blue at 8pm and yellow at 7am for bedtime/waketime cues). Crap! 7am is too late. I planned to go to the WOWS swim tonight, so the only other opportunity for a workout would be during Jonah's nap (something's off with the jog stroller -- I can't get it to track even remotely straight). That would mean a treadmill run. In the attic.

The attic was absolutely perfect in temperature over the winter. 10 degrees outside? PERFECT in the attic for running in shorts and short sleeves. 80-plus degrees outside? Not so much. But I figured it would be good race prep, because surely at some point I will do a race in hot, humid weather (so far every triathlon I've done the past two years has been drizzly at minimum).

I am not a good hot weather runner. I actually prefer to be a little bit cold. The Columbus Marathon was high-30's or low-40's, and after the first mile I already had to shed my long-sleeved shirt and gloves. I ran in a tank top and felt perfect, even got a little hot toward the end. So the idea of running in a hot, stuffy, musty, breezeless-except-for-the-fan attic did not thrill me.

Aside from the heat, another thing I am not comfortable with is showing my skin. Even though I would feel infinitely better running in just a sports bra, if there is the slightest chance of seeing people (or rather, people seeing me) I won't do it. This is one of the reasons I love living in Lexington -- the two country roads RIGHT by our house are very lightly travelled. I've done several runs in which I have not seen a single car. So aside from the few blocks it takes to get there, I can strip down as much as decency and the law will allow and not worry about it.

Happily, the attic is even more private that that. Sports bra for sure! But my running shorts were already sticking to my thighs. Ugh. What to do what to do what to do. Tri briefs! The ones I vowed never EVER to wear again after I wore them for a few races to get rid of bike short tan lines and then cringed at the pictures later! I keep contemplating whether I should get rid of them, but then I always keep them for lord knows why. THIS is why. With only the bare minimum of my body covered and the fan on high blowing right at me, the attic was tolerable. And wouldn't you know, I actually felt great running! I put "Going the Distance" on repeat on the ipod because that song fits perfectly with a 7:24 cadence, which is the fastest I've run in many, many moons.

Aside from a few pauses for when I had to pick up my water bottle because it shakes so much when you go above 8mph that the bottle holder falls off, I ran for 20 minutes at that pace. We got our treadmill from some gym, and it has a setting on it that makes it turn off automatically after 30 minutes. I can't find the manual to change that, and I always lose motivation to reset it after it turns off, so I figured half an hour was long enough today. With a slow warm-up, I was not quite at the 5k point at 25:00, which was when I planned to do my cool down. But, it gave me confidence that I might be able to hold sub-8:00 pace for the 5k this weekend.

So, the last 5 minutes. As if merely running in the attic wasn't enough. I thought I would do the cooldown barefoot. I tried it once before, and it made my calves hurt in ways I didn't know they could, but it also felt really, really good. Today, not so good. It was HOT!!!! Like shadeless beach, or asphalt parking lot on a 90-degree day hot! I thought, maybe my feet just needed to adjust, but after a few minutes it was still not getting any better. I kept going for the full 5 minutes, but it felt like 15. When I was done, I looked at my feet and they actually have burn marks on them! It hurt to walk, even after soaking them in an ice bath for awhile.

This is like that time I decided not to wear socks for an Olympic triathlon (10k run) when I had a marathon-training long run two days later. My feet got so torn up that I had to do that long run in the pool, and I hate aqua-jogging so I spent the whole time grumbling about how stupid it was to skip socks. I am going to be pissed off if I have to skip running in the next few days because I burned my feet on the treadmill. I like to think that I'm generally pretty intelligent, all things considered, but then I go and do something like this. Really, really stupid. Hopefully Jonah has inherited Chris's common sense gene.

Why I Care

2010-06-14T14:41:00.006-06:00

The other day someone actually asked me, “Why do you care so much about racing and triathlons? It’s not like you are a professional or anything.” (I can't remember her exact wording, but that was essentially the question.) It caught me off guard. I knew there were people out there who thought I was crazy for being so involved in running and triathlons, and who don’t understand why it’s such a big deal if I’m not even that good at it. Certainly it is not the most important part of my life, but there’s no denying that it’s pretty high up there. Still, I’ve never had a non-triathlete directly ask that before -- it sounded like a challenge, and I didn’t know what to say. The person was not trying to be rude, but she is not an athletic person and hence does not “get it.”

I have no idea who reads this blog, but I know there are some tri-minded people who found it because of race reports or training updates. Others, mostly family (?) probably read it for pictures and updates about Jonah. I guess this is for the people who don’t understand the hype about racing.

As I said, I had no idea what to say when my friend asked me why I care so much about tris. Which answer would she understand the best? Because I am just a competitive person and I have been involved in athletics for most of my life, so it seems like a natural extension of what I've always done?

Because I think it is important to constantly strive to improve oneself in something or risk becoming bored and stagnant?

How about because it is vital to carve out something for yourself to keep your sanity intact in a life that would otherwise be sucked up by work, family, and other obligations. Training and racing are great stress relievers, and they keep me mentally sharp and better able to deal with everything else life throws at me.

Or because I love being healthy and active, not just for the many (many) well-documented benefits physical fitness brings, but for more personal benefits, too. Put simply, how I feel about myself is directly related to how physically fit I perceive myself to be. I am just happier when I’m in shape, and I feel more of a purpose and hence am more likely to stay in shape when I have a race to look forward to.

Or what about the social benefits you get from training and racing with a group – it’s nice to meet like-minded friends who share the same interests and values. Some of my most treasured friendships have been forged on long runs and bike rides.

Ooh, there’s also the one about setting a good example for my son, that sport and fitness can and should be a lifelong endeavor, that “winning” means different things to different people, and that perseverance and self-discipline are two of the most valuable characteristics that you can possess.

How about the one about sport being a metaphor for life, and that setting and striving for goals, overcoming obstacles, and pushing your own limits provide valuable lessons and skills that carry over to all aspects of life?

And of course, the simplest, it’s just fun.

Take your pick, but in a nutshell, that’s why I care so much.

And for those of you who are not so interested in tri stuff, here are some recent pictures of my parents with Jonah. :)

Helping Bapa weed our garden during their visit last week.

Enjoying his tent with Grandma

Lightening Up

2010-06-14T13:12:00.004-06:00

I have never been very good at going easy on myself. I don't like excuses. That's not to say I never make them -- I just don't like them.

So even though I have been dealing with this back issue for nearly 6 months and it is starting to seem like it will just be with me forever, I still can't let go of expectations for myself when it comes to racing. It was pain-free enough to allow me to do Tri-Shark a couple weeks ago, and for that I really am grateful. Still, I knew it would be bad. In the last month especially, I've actually been approaching a little more normalcy, but on race day I still was not what I consider "in shape." I had been in the water exactly two times, and not one of those times had I swum the actual race distance. I'd been on my tri bike once, and on my road bike two or three times, my longest ride being a whopping 19 miles. I've been running here and there. I even did a hard 6-miler once, which was an epic success.

But mostly I've kept it to 30-40 minutes at whatever pace doesn't freak me out that I'm going to have a relapse.

Which is to say, slow.

Like, slooooowww.

I ice and stretch as soon as I'm done, but I still don't feel like it's strong enough to be able to work out more than every other day. It is still achy most of the time, which is why I'm so tentative about everything, but it's a dull ache and I can bend forward and backward, which is my green light to keep going. Once I can't bend, red light stop.

Back to Tri-Shark. One month of starting-to-get-back-into-things does not translate to a fast race time, no matter how hard you push. I knew that, and I was prepared for it. I just feared the mental repurcussions when I had what would almost definitely be my slowest time in history. I wanted to really race the race, and not just go through the motions. But it stings to give it your all and then see a sucky result. I had the thought that maybe I should just do it "for fun" and not really try that hard, so my slow time wouldn't feel like such a slap in the face. I did that in '07 (when I was pregnant) and I had a blast. But I also remember watching people finish at "my time" and feeling jealous that they could lay it all out there while I was stuck keeping my heart rate below 140 (which, by the way, I've since decided is an utter B-S number and will not be following next time, if there is a next time).

Racing off an injury feels a little like racing pregnant. Never sure how hard is too hard, how much is too much, what will happen if I go too far, maybe I should just take it easy and play it safe. But the stakes are not as high this time, and the only way to know how much I can take is to push the envelope a little more each time. If I go too hard, I'll only hurt myself -- although I'm terrified of sending myself back to the couch for three days straight (absolutely the most painful three days of my life when I literally could not move AT ALL), but I think I'll be able to tell in advance when it's getting that bad.

So. AGAIN, back to Tri-Shark. I decided to race as hard as I could and accept the resulting numbers as jumping off times for the rest of the season (assuming that I didn't cripple myself in the process and could still have a rest of the season). I knew it would be frustrating not to go as fast as I once could, but what would be the point of not trying just because slow is my new fast?

Turns out it wasn't as bad as I thought. Oh, the times were. It was my personal worst by well over 2 minutes. The swim was just absolutely dismal (I swam faster when I was preggo -- when I did not wear a wetsuit, and when I WAITED UNTIL EVERYONE ELSE WAS GONE before starting and then purposely swam slow and wide to avoid getting kicked in the stomach. I was slower than that -- and that is just ridiculous). The bike was not too bad. Not great, but not bad. The run was almost as bad as the swim. I cannot remember the last time I ran that slow (except for the pregnant year when I "ran" 41:00 or 42 or something -- for a 5k). But I could not have gone any faster, and I was not hunched over for the rest of the day, so I consider it a success.

More importantly, I could not wipe the smile off my face. It felt so good to be at a race again. I've said it before, but this is what I do. And I've been missing it. I don't feel like I've had a real tri season in four years, so I am more than ready to get back out there. It was just so fun to be there and to actually be part of it again. When people I can usually hang with passed me like I was standing still, I really expected to feel some bitterness or disappointment. Instead, I found myself genuinely rooting for them.

And then in the back of my mind thinking "Just wait."

When a friend passed me on the run, he asked how it was going. I replied "Just doing what I can with what I've got." And that's really it. It's all I can do, and for once, I'm not beating myself up about not being better.

That's not to say I didn't check out the results and note that if I'd raced my "normal" time I would have been in the top ten overall...I may or may not have pondered the what-ifs for a fraction of a second.

I know I will get back there. I'm working out a training plan. I have a couple of races scheduled -- this weekend a 5k, next weekend another sprint tri. I don't expect to do much better already -- the purpose of these races is to re-learn how to hurt. (The good kind of hurt, hopefully.) If I'm lucky, and consistent, when the Evergreen Tri rolls around in July I will be where I was last year (which is still not where I want to be, but it's better than now). If things really go my way, I will celebrate my 10-years-of-triathlon anniversary with a PR at Canton, where I did my first triathlon ever in 2000. That is my biggest goal. Then, of course, my long challenge -- I want to do the Rev3 70.3 in September. And, of course, I want to PR there. It should be easy -- my run alone should be about 15 minutes faster even if I don't improve at all on the swim or bike -- but it will require care and consistency to improve while not sparking any flare-ups in my back.

Keeping my fingers crossed and body moving.

Toddler Sense

2010-03-03T15:19:00.003-06:00

It's a matter of common knowledge that toddlers are accident prone. I don't think anyone who has ever seen a toddler would debate that. They are walking (or running, jumping, spinning, crab-walking) disasters-in-waiting. But I have come to the conclusion that they also have an innate sense, precise to the millisecond, of exactly when to strike. You can (and usually must) watch them like a hawk, but inevitably there will come a moment when you will have to turn your head. Say, to mop up a spill that happened when he was trying to drink out of your full glass of water, like a big boy. Or because he has rolled his yellow crayon under the sofa again and needs you to reach under there to retrieve it. Or, in the case of last night's near miss, when you need to turn the stove off because the rice is about to boil over. Often, like last night, it is just for a moment. You hear this from parents all the time, as they shake their heads stunned and bewildered. "I just turned away for a second." It took me maybe five seconds to reach over and turn the dial on the stove. It's like he was just lying in wait.

Just to clear the air, Jonah is fine. It was a near disaster, not an actual one. But it could have been very, very bad.

A little background: we are in the process of remodeling our kitchen. Not all of the appliances are in their permanent spot yet. The dishwasher is in a temporary spot, and neither it nor the temporary slab of countertop sitting on it were anchored to the wall yet. Jonah likes to try to sit on the door of the dishwasher when it is open, something I have repeatedly told him he cannot do. Can you see where this is going?

Last night I was making dinner and emptying the dishwasher at the same time. Jonah offered to help me unload the dishes (which was very sweet of him, and something he will no doubt continue to do throughout his teen years). He helped me take out his plastic plates from the bottom rack, while I worked on the top rack. He kept pretending to climb on the open door, mischievous little gleam in his eye, and then the moment I opened my mouth to tell him to stop, he would get down and laugh. At some point, I remembered the rice -- I think it was right about the time that I heard a sizzling sound as it started to boil over. Jonah was busy putting spoons in the silverware drawer. I turned around to turn the stove off.

At that exact moment, I heard a bang, and the rumbling noise of something very large and heavy sliding. I looked over to see Jonah frantically backing up as the entire ensemble of dishwasher, countertop, toaster, bread box, and gallon of milk (which were all sitting on the counter) tipped forward. The dishwasher crashed to the floor just barely missing Jonah's leg (Good God, I could not handle it if something else happened to his leg!!!). The toaster, bread box, and milk somehow all fell off the side rather than forward onto Jonah. And I was able to catch the countertop before it fell over on top of him.

He was terrified, but unhurt. Chris ran in and scooped him up (I was still holding the fallen countertop in place), and he eventually calmed down. Amazingly, the only damage was a large dent in the stainless steel breadbox. From the sound of the crash, I thought for sure that all of the dishes still in the dishwasher would be shattered and that the dishwasher itself would be broken. But not one glass was even cracked, and there is no visible damage to the dishwasher. I haven't tried running it yet, but seems ok.

Jonah had been going through some mood swings already that evening, and that continued throughout the rest of the night. At one point, I heard an absolutely blood-curdling screech that most people would associate with some kind of horrific pain. I have learned to identify this scream as something along the lines of "I dropped my blankie and it's right by my foot but I don't want to bend over to pick it up. GET OVER HERE, MOMMY!" After the dishwasher incident, my heart stopped every time he screamed like that. And, of course, it was nothing more urgent than "my red car keeps rolling away from where I put it."

At bedtime, the mood swung in the other direction and he was absolutely the sweetest boy on the face of the Earth. He read his "Itsy Bitsy Spider" book, and sang the entire thing solo, with encores, and with the hand motions. He clapped for himself and gave us high fives when he was finished. And even though bedtime is not as easy as it once was, he still goes down relatively well, if a little later than I'd like. Now it almost always requires Chris or I going back into his room a few times before he finally falls asleep. "Mommy, my blankie!" after he has thrown it on the floor. "Mommy, my covers!" after he has kicked them off. And on it goes for half an hour or so. Last night when I went in, he was all smiles. "Mommy, I love you. Mommy, you're special. I'm so happy to see you."

I don't love him any less when he's in one of his possessed demon-child moods, but by the end of a night, I am usually dazed by the extremes he's gone through in just a few short hours. And, as nice as it is that he is independent enough to occupy himself for extended periods of time now, the dishwasher incident reminded me that I still need to be on constant alert.

Oh, and Chris has bolted the dishwasher to the wall now.

Fancy dinner!

2010-01-26T11:04:00.015-06:00

I got an exciting invitation last week, and I am still on cloud nine just thinking about it!

Last semester, my grad class was on endangered languages. The professor, Dan Everett, is quite literally THE most fascinating person I have ever met, and I am completely blown away by the breadth and depth of his intelligence. Not to mention his compelling life history, and the advancements he's been making in linguistics for the past 30 years.

The president of ISU and the Board of Trustees are having a dinner for him, in honor of his becoming the first University Professor in ISU history (I had to look up what that means -- I didn't realize that "University Professor" was a special distinction. Turns out it's kind of a big deal). Aside from his family, he has invited five guests -- three faculty members and two students. And guess who's one of the two students!?! The other student he invited was also in the endangered languages class, and she's one of my favorite people that I've met in the program so far. I can easily see why he chose her, but I have no idea what I did to make him think of me. I am thrilled and honored that he asked.

Here's a little background on Dr. Everett (I'm supposed to call him "Dan," but I have a hard time doing that!):

I had heard of him before I even started the graduate program, because he is quite well-known in the world of linguistics. I'd read articles about him in The New Yorker and academic journals, and heard interviews with him. For over 30 years he has been working with a tribe in the Brazilian Amazon called the Piraha, at first as a Christian missionary, but now purely for linguistic and anthropological purposes (interestingly, they converted him -- once a minister, now an atheist!). He is one of only three non-native Piraha in the world who can understand the language, and the only one who's fluent in it. It's not that others haven't tried -- the language is just that complicated. He has turned the linguistics world on its head with his findings that the Piraha do not have numbers and do not count, they have no standard color words, their language is so tonal that words are not even necessary -- it can be whistled or hummed (!), and it completely lacks recursion. It is this last one that really gets people, particularly Noam Chomsky who has been pretty much THE authority on the matter. Dr. Everett is essentially the anti-Chomsky.

When I found out that he was going to be teaching a class called "When Languages Die," I jumped on it. (He is the department chair, and is so busy publishing and doing field work that he does not often teach.) The class was fascinating. Most of us were excited to be there, just to listen to Dr. Everett talk, just to us, for three hours every week. He would frequently begin class with "So I was speaking at a conference in Berlin over the weekend" or "I presented at Princeton yesterday, and...." He would talk to us about Piraha and how he went about learning the language, the history he has with Chomsky and others, and of course, the subject of the course, endangered languages around the world and what is lost when a language dies.

The most unexpectedly interesting part of the course occured about halfway through it, when he received word that an Australian broadcasting company got the green light to film a documentary about him. He had to go to Brazil for three weeks, which meant that, although we missed him in class, when he came back we got to be the first to see some of the unique video footage that he was able to get with the film crew. Some of it is stuff that he has been trying to record for years, and finally shows hard evidence proving his theories about the Pirahas' lack of numbers and counting, among other things.

The documentary is due to come out this summer. Its focus is more about his personal history than the details of his work, since it's geared to a general audience. Here's a preview:

The Grammar of Happiness - Essential Media - Director: Randall Wood, Producer: Nial Fulton, Executive Producer: Chris Hilton from Randall Wood on Vimeo.

My back

2010-01-04T14:32:00.003-06:00

The good news is, I can walk! The bad news is, I look like a decrepit chicken most of the time.

Exactly one week before Christmas Eve, my back started hurting. It felt like muscle spasms, and it hurt to stand and sit, but walking made it feel somewhat better. I could not lift Jonah, or get him into and out of his carseat. By that Monday it was feeling better, and Tuesday it was good enough that I thought I'd try running. Felt good, so I kept going for 6 miles. The next day, it still felt ok, so I ran 6 miles again. The next day, Christmas Eve, is when things got really bad. Right before dinner, my entire lower back completely seized up and I was unable to move at all. It was like labor contractions, only in my back, and with no letting up. Chris helped me get into a tolerable position on the couch, and I stayed there all night (except when he had to carry me to the bathroom). Thank God we were having Christmas Eve at our house!

I still couldn't move the next day, so we were unable to go to any of the family celebrations on Christmas. That was disappointing, but it was sort of nice to have a quiet Christmas.

By Monday I was able to move enough to get into the car and go to a chiropractor. I have always been sort of skeptical about chiropractors, but I am pretty much sold now! They took x-rays, which were kind of hard to read since I couldn't straighten, but it was obvious that my hips are completely misaligned, and most likely it had caused a slipped disk in my lower back. Those 12 miles of running I did in the two days before it got bad? Probably not the smartest move. The doctor gently suggested that I shouldn't have done that, and then less gently instructed me to not run one step again until he approved it. He did say that I should be good to go for the marathon I want to do in March, so that keeps me hopeful.

I should mention that the hip thing was not news to me. I've known about it for years, and it was bound to catch up to me sooner or later -- I'm just surprised that it came on this abruptly and this seriously. It has become more pronounced since I had Jonah, probably because I always carry him on the same side. When I look in the mirror and put both hands on my hip bones, it is obvious that the right one is higher than the other. Like, an inch or so. Maybe more.

And when I run, it always feels like the ground is banked, and that my left foot is on higher ground than my right foot. And when I'm on a treadmill, that's a little disconcerting.
It's to the point that my leg muscles have developed completely differently on each leg. Chris is the one who pointed that out, since I generally can't get a good view of my own calf muscles. He says it looks like each of my legs belongs to a different person...or something. It made sense when he said it.

So it's not really a surprise to me that this is now causing a problem. I actually needed something serious like this to happen before I would take actual steps to get it fixed, so maybe in the long run, it's a good thing. Maybe I'll finally get straightened out.

Anyway, after a week of treatments of electric stimulation (feels AMAZING) with ice, and some spinal adjustments, I can stand and walk. Sitting no longer hurts, but two full days of teaching have been pretty painful. I'm straight enough that both doctors I've seen say that it is almost definitely a slipped disk. The disk is putting pressure on a nerve, hence the pain. The muscle spasms occur anytime I make a movement that presses the nerve. It is my body's way of preventing me from moving so I don't get any serious nerve damage, and I must say, it works. Pretty much any movement was causing spasms at one point, and when that happens I am literally paralyzed. Luckily, those are happening less now.

I have to go in pretty frequently for awhile until I am out of the "constant and agonizing pain" category, which might be by the end of this week, as it's really not so agonizing anymore. Then I move into rehab stage, which I am actually really looking forward to. That will involve various stretching and core strengthening exercises -- something I always mean to do and never actually follow through with. I'm thinking that will go on for a long time. Like, just short of forever. But if/when I am sufficiently straight and strong, I will go into maintenance mode and only go every few months.

So that's what's going on there. It made for a pretty lousy Christmas break, because I couldn't really do anything. I do not enjoy feeling useless, nor am I good at asking for help. So I'm happy to be getting more mobile. I didn't even get to enjoy lounging on the sofa and watching movies, because there was still a 2-year-old to take care of. Poor Jonah constantly asks "Mommy, can you carry me?" And I regretfully tell him no, so he says "Mommy's back is owie." Then he'll lift the back of my shirt and kiss it -- he's so sweet! And then, he'll bend over and say "My back is owie, too!" He sometimes walks imitating me, all crouched over and shuffling. It's great, but of course, laughing is one of the actions that causes smasms.

Thanks to everyone who asked or expressed concern.

Good things

2010-01-03T09:44:00.005-06:00

Now that I am in a better mood, I sort of regret that my last post was on the negative side. I made the mistake of taking the Holmes and Rahe stress inventory, where you check off the things that have happened to you in the past year. A score above 300 "indicates a major life crisis and is highly predictive (80%) of a serious physical illness in the next two years." My score was 648. So yeah, last year was rough, but it was not without its bright spots. So I'll try to make this post about those.

I've gotten several emails asking about my back (which isn't stress related, but now that I think about it...hmm...). In an effort to keep this post happy, I'll save that for later.

Here's a month-by-month breakdown about the good things that 2009 offered:

January -- The 20th was a pretty freaking awesome day. It is so nice to have a president who, among other things, can actually pronouce the name of our country. No more "Merka!" That, "nookyular," and "terrah" just make me shudder.

February -- I don't remember much about February, but I do remember that Jonah was calling me "Mama" all the time. And he got his first haircut around Valentine's Day, and that was cute.

March -- Wow, I don't remember much of March either. I had spring break then, why can't I remember it? Oh, yes. I spent all of break working on a presentation for grad school. That went very well, so hooray. And all spring I really enjoyed my grad class. As stressful as it is, I love going every week.

April -- Easter! My parents were able to come in for a long weekend, which also happened to include my birthday. That was definitely the highlight of the first half of the year. Oh yeah, and Boston was in April, too. (Jeez, for as important as that's always been to me, I keep forgetting that I did it!)

May -- Another visit from my parents when they came in to help us with Jonah. We got to spend Mother's Day together, which has not happened in years. Also we saw more of Chris's parents than we had in awhile. And Jonah started his language explosion that has yet to slow down. The child just jabbers non-stop, and I love it.

June -- School let out! Jonah got his cast off! June was awesome.

July -- We got to see Andy and Heather for the first time in forever! We spent a week with them, and had a ton of fun.

August -- Jonah and I went out to Vegas to see my parents. We found our new house. We sold our old house in less than two weeks.

September -- Jonah's birthday! My parents came again, which makes 4 visits in 6 months, which is practically unheard of. We went to the Pumpkin Patch!

October -- We moved to Lexington, Jonah started his new daycare and loves it, and my commute got cut in half!

November -- Nice and uneventful. Thanksgiving was fun, as it was Chris's mom's family's big reunion. Also, my fall grad class was the most laid-back and fascinating class ever. My professor is relatively famous in the world of linguistics, and actually was in Brazil filming a documentary that is coming out this year, about him and his work. It was neat to have a class with him as all that was going on. He is one of the most interesting people I have ever met.

December -- We finished re-doing the entrance area of our house, and it looked all nice and cozy decorated for Christmas. Jonah was adorable and delightful at Christmas. And we closed out the year by going to a wedding for a couple of our Tri-Shark friends, which made for one of the happiest New Years Eves I've ever had.

So, yeah. Not all bad at all. I guess if I were to make a New Year's resolution, it would be to stay focused on the good things in life. I think I do a relatively good job of that on a day-to-day basis. Well, most of the time. But I could definitely do better.

Good Riddance, 2009!!!

2009-12-30T21:25:00.003-06:00

I cannot even begin to describe how glad I am to see 2009 finally end. It wasn't all bad, but it was easily the most difficult year for me, physically and emotionally, ever.

The year began with one of the worst experiences that can happen to a person (if you don't know what I'm talking about, don't ask. If I haven't already told you, I'm not going to now), and although it was more emotionally upsetting than physically, it still prevented me from doing any exercise whatsoever for a longish time.
And it turns out, there are worse things that can happen. I found that out in April when I watched my 18-month-old son fall off the bed and snap his femur, and then spent the worst night of my life watching over him while he was drugged out on morphine until he could go under anesthesia the next morning (with a couple breaks to explain to the police and DCFS investigators that I am actually not a neglectful mother).

Of course, there are still much worse things that can, and almost definitely will happen at some point in my life. It just seems like 2009 piled them all on at once. But at least for everything bad that happened, something good would happen to almost balance it. When Jonah broke his leg, I got an extra visit from my parents. When my grandmother passed away, I got to see some family members I have not seen since my wedding, and who Jonah had never met -- not necessarily an equal balance, but still something good to come out of a sad event.

I never really did pick up a regular workout routine once I was cleared to start exercising again, and if I'm not in shape I tend to feel pretty down on myself all the time. But, I still managed to see the finish line of the Boston Marathon. It was not a good race, but it was a finish.

When the house we were going to buy caught fire, we found our current house, which is in many respects better than "the firehouse."

I'm not even going to get into the rest of the crap 2009 threw at us, but suffice it to say, it was tough. Things have been calming down in the last few months, but of course, right at the end, '09 had to throw one final blow. Not anything too devastating, but I have been having back spasms that left me entirely immobile on Christmas Eve and Day. I have been going to a chiropractor all week, and now I can move around, but I'm definitely not standing or walking straight yet. It hurts to do pretty much anything, especially sit in a car. And, of course, I cannot do any exercise whatsoever (unless anyone knows of any workouts that do not require back muscles?).

This is eerily like where I was exactly one year ago today, minus the emotional roller coaster, plus more physical pain. Ok, I guess it's not like last year at all except in the sense that I can't work out.

I still have high hopes for 2010. I don't have anything especially great planned, but things can only get better, right?

Jonah "Reading"

2009-12-02T12:46:00.004-06:00

This is how we do bedtime stories now -- Jonah "reads" the book himself, unless it's an unfamiliar story. He was not in the mood to read any books all the way through last night, but he knows this entire book. I want to get him reading "Are you my mother?" He does some great voices and facial expressions for that one!

Day 1 Status Report

2009-11-27T21:04:00.003-06:00

I think we're off to a good start.
He was excited about the "big boy underpants" at first, because they had Thomas the train on them. But they must have felt strange going on, because as soon as they went up over his privates, he started crying and fighting. Once they were on, he calmed down and didn't have any problem putting them on the rest of the day

Which is good, because we went through 10 pairs today. He got to the point where he would say "Uh-oh, time to go potty!" as he was peeing, which is a start. Twice we made it to the bathroom in time to get some dribbles in. So in the next day or two, he should learn to recognize the need to notify me before he starts going.

The one thing that worries me is that he did not go #2 all day, despite the high fiber foods I purposely fed him because I was worried about exactly that. I know he has to go, but I think he is afraid without his diaper. By dinnertime, he kept clutching his behind and saying "Oh no, poop!" but there would be nothing. And I'd sit him on the potty and ask if he had to poop, and each time he'd say no and stand up.

That concerns me a little, and I'm prepping myself for lots of wake-ups, maybe messy ones,
tonight. He did wake up dry from his nap, but that was 2 hours.

Still, from what I've read, this is pretty much where he is supposed to be after the first day.

Messy Times Ahead

2009-11-25T10:38:00.003-06:00

I am about to embark on a potty training experiment with Jonah. I'm going with the 3-day method -- I've had several friends who have done this and absolutely swear by it. I've wanted to do it for awhile, but 3-day weekends where I don't have to go anywhere are pretty hard to come by, and with our move and changing his daycare, I didn't want to throw too much at him at once. So after Thanksgiving, we'll give it a go. The method basically requires three consecutive days of me being right by Jonah's side ALL the time, and constantly reminding him to tell me when he has to go potty. When I catch him starting to go, I scoop him up and rush him to the bathroom. By the end of the three days, he is supposed to be able to recognize his body signs and be able to tell me in advance when he needs to go. The scary part is that the method involves throwing away all the diapers and going straight to underwear. No Pull-Ups. And no going back to diapers, ever, even at night.

It's going to be a long and exhausting weekend, but I'm ready, and I think he's ready, too. We've been gearing him up for it, and he will sit on his potty chair and pull his pants up and down (or try to at least). He knows about flushing and washing his hands afterward. He loves the book "Everyone Poops" and can narrate the entire thing. I think we're all set on supplies. For anyone about to go through this, here is what we have:

about 30 pairs of underwear (I figure there will be lots of accidents)
a couple extra sheets and some waterproof mattress pads
some two-piece pajamas that will be easy to pull down while barely conscious at 3am
a potty chair for each bathroom.
a travel seat (in case he won't sit on a public toilet, or if we need to pull over on a trip)
some "big boy wipes" which are essentially baby wipes, but flushable
a progress chart with stickers
a couple small toys to use as rewards for when we reach bigger milestones
the books "Everyone Poops" (a big hit!) and "Once Upon a Potty" (not so much)
the "Potty Time with Elmo" dvd, which we've watched several times already.
Some frozen meals that won't take long to cook. I plan to do a grocery shopping trip and some cooking ahead, too. I'm not supposed to leave the house for the three days, or do anything that will take my attention off of Jonah (like cooking - yay!). This is going to be intense.

We still have him in his crib, because for some reason he hasn't attempted to climb out of it, even though he climbs all over everything else. I think we might have nighttime accidents for awhile since he'll have to call out to us if he has to go during the night. But he has woken up dry a few times, so maybe he'll learn some control.

I'm actually getting kind of excited about this!

Our New House: A “Before” Photo Tour

2009-11-13T20:15:00.001-06:00

Ok, so we're in, and mostly unpacked. The 30+ boxes of books have not been opened because we are not sure where the shelves will ultimately end up. And Jonah is in a temporary room because the room I want to be his has some major repair work required.

We have our work cut out for us, but underneath it all, this is a gorgeous old house, and I can't wait for it to be beautified! Here's what we're looking at now:

The kitchen. Very cramped right now. We need to figure out a different arrangement when we remodel.

The “shower” in the downstairs bathroom.

Um, oh. Ok, the CLOSET in the downstairs bathroom. We would like to put a shower here soon. (The real estate listing called this a shower – apparently the realtor who listed it never pulled back the curtain.)

The dining room. My friend Becky and I recently peeled off the wallpaper, and it is currently the bright Tuscan yellow that you can see in the built-in where we’ve tried to take some of the mirrors off. Those mirrors are all stuck-on panels. They will be going. Soon.

The living room. Currently the room in need of the least fixing up. I just want to paint it. It had ugly orange carpet that Chris tore out before we moved in, and thankfully the hardwood underneath is in great condition! The chimney had been removed from the fireplace, so one of the first things Chris did was install a gas fireplace in it.

This is what the living room looked like when we first looked at the house. It’s hard to believe it’s the same room!

This is what you see when you walk in the front door. The night we moved in, Becky and I tore down some of the paneling going up the stairs (it was the same nastiness that is still behind the piano – that stuff goes all the way up the stairs). We stopped because the wall is crumbling behind it in a few places. It is an annoying eyesore for now, but the woodwork on the stairs is awesome. The floor and stairs were also covered in ugly orange carpet. Seriously, why?

This area has become a little play space for Jonah.

On move-in day, we discovered some secret pocket doors that had been boarded over. They’re in perfect condition! That was the highlight of the day.

The first set divides the living room from the dining room. The second set is between the living room and the entrance.

I haven’t taken any outside pictures yet. This is Jonah in his Halloween costume with the house in the background. The porch is awesome – a porch swing is definitely in order before next summer!

No pictures of upstairs yet.

Chris is currently in Florida getting ready to race the Ironman 70.3 World Championships. Elaine is watching Jonah for the night. So I took advantage of my night alone to pry a bunch of weird paneling off the wall in Jonah’s future room. Behind it, was a layer of plywood that was a huge pain to pry down. And behind the plywood is a crumbling lathe-and-plaster wall that we are probably just going put drywall over. That’s only on 2 walls of the room, though. The other two walls and the ceiling have hideous wallpaper that I still need to scrape off. I would love to have Jonah moved into his permanent room by Christmas, but that might be unrealistic.

Ok, I am wiped out and hungry. My work is done for tonight.

busy-ness

2009-09-23T20:02:00.002-06:00

An update on where we are with everything:
Tomorrow, my parents are flying in for Jonah's birthday party. They are going to meet me at his daycare when I pick him up, so we can surprise him. This will lead to a most likely exhausting but hopefully fantastic weekend.
We close on our Lexington house Friday morning, and we plan to spend as much time as we can there that day to get some things started. Basically, we are hoping to get it cleaned up, move most of the contents of our basement, move our sparkly new kitchen appliances in, and decide whether we can strip the wallpaper in whatever room will be Jonah's or if we should just put new drywall up over the old walls. We will do our big move next weekend, and my biggest stipulation is that Jonah's bedroom must be completely done before we move. We can live with rooms-in-progress and torn apart messes in other parts of the house, but I want him to have a little sanctuary from day 1.
So that's Friday.

Saturday is Jonah's 2nd birthday party. In the morning before the party, I have to go to Fairbury to help the seniors build their homecoming float, and then probably do more work on the house in the afternoon. Someone is probably going to have to stake out the pavilion at the park where Jonah's party will be. It's first-come-first-served, no reservations, so I want to make sure we get it. Unless it's stormy, in which case we will have to move it to our house, and everyone will have to deal with boxes everywhere. Although, the boxes actually might be helpful since we won't have table space for everyone's food.

Sunday, my parents and I (and maybe Chris) are taking Jonah to the Pumpkin Patch, finally. I haven't been there in years, and I am part excited/part anxious. I think it will feel weird to be there. But I know Jonah will love it, and I am intensely curious about how it looks now.

I am incredibly far behind in grading, and I have not even started research on my project for grad school. I'm hoping that in about a month or two things will have calmed down just a little. We might be mostly unpacked by then.

whirlwind update

2009-08-09T06:44:00.004-06:00

We had a late night last night and Jonah is sleeping in. I'm going to write as much as I can before he wakes up. In a nutshell:

In late June/early July we found a house in Lexington (IL) that we loved and decided to buy. We scrambled to get our house ready to put up for sale, and got all the paperwork filled out with the mortgage people. Then we get a phone call, the exact wording of which I can't remember, but was something like "There's a fire in Lexington, and it might be your house." Sure enough. The fire was pretty bad, and the house is essentially destroyed. We don't know for sure what caused it, but the last I heard is that one of the kids who lived in the house is autistic and has a thing for starting fires. Soooo, that deal was off.

And it sounds like that's all the time I have for now -- Jonah's waking up. The story does get better -- to make it short, we found another house in Lexington and we will close at the end of September. Our house is for sale, and we would very much love for someone to buy it soon.

We also got to see Andy and Heather a few weeks ago, and Jonah and I are going out to Las Vegas tomorrow for the last week of summer before school starts. That will be nice, because this summer has been about the least relaxing one I can remember, and I am NOT ready for the stress of school on top of it all.

Back to Normal

2009-06-24T20:26:00.011-06:00

Jonah has been out of his cast for just over two weeks now, and he’s already almost back to where he was before the break. He was army crawling right away after it came off, and walking-with-hands-held a day or two later. Regular crawling came next, and on Friday, ten days post-cast, he took his first (voluntary) unassisted steps. I expected it to take a lot longer, so I’m pretty impressed with him. Now he’s walking around (not quite as quickly or as confidently as before – no running yet), climbing on things, bending down to pick stuff up, etc. And my absolute favorite thing that I missed when he was in the cast – he’ll hand me a book, turn around, back up, stick his little bottom out, and sit down on my lap to read it. I LOVE that.

Cast Removal: Finally getting a good look at all the artwork on his cast.

Couldn't quite sit up on his own at first, but started bending his legs right away.

I’m enjoying being able to DO things with him again. He adores bikes (it was one of his first words), and will ask to go on bike rides all the time. There have been a few days that we’ve gone on three separate bike rides, up to an hour each. Sometimes he’ll wake from his nap asking “Bike? Helmet? Ride?” and I can’t say no to that. We have a little pull-behind trailer, but I think he enjoys the bike with the seat on it a little better. We did take the trailer on a family ride to test out one of the new-old tandems that Chris put together (long story – see his blog for more details).

We also took him camping last weekend, which was a fun adventure. Chris was racing the Cutting Edge ½ Ironman in Effingham, and there is a campground right by the race site. We have an air mattress that happens to fit perfectly in our new 3-person tent, so we took that along and Jonah had a blast playing on it. It rained on us, but the tent worked like it’s supposed to and we just played inside until Jonah finally wore out.

The next day (Chris’s race/Father’s Day) was the first in a string of ungodly hot days we’ve had around here, but Jonah was a good sport about it. And he got to see his Daddy win the race! As in, overall. This was the first time I’ve ever seen Chris win a triathlon, because the others that he’s won I’ve either been absent for, or I was racing it myself and was farther back (sigh, much farther back). It was so hot that no one was up watching. All of the spectators were sitting in the shade, and as Chris ran past them toward the finish, I heard a bunch of them say “Oh, hey! Someone’s finishing!” I felt kind of bad for him that he didn’t have much crowd support, but I guess that’s how it is when you’re just that fast. :) He carried Jonah across the finish line with him, which was nice because he didn’t get to do that in Kona. So, a brutal race, but a perfect ending for Father’s Day.

Crossing the finish line with Daddy! Congratulations, and Happy Father's Day!

Fell asleep playing with Dad's trophy.

The only thing Jonah has not adjusted back to very well yet is going to daycare. I am taking a summer class, so I have to bring him in for a few hours a day. He has always loved going. He has a little friend who is only two weeks older than him, and they’ve been together since Jonah was 12 weeks old. They have their own little language, and they smile and giggle whenever they see each other. It’s just adorable. The first day I brought him back, they started babbling again in their language (the teacher said Hayden hadn’t been doing that since Jonah was gone – Jonah hadn’t either) and Jonah grinned from ear to ear. But when I went to leave, he started bawling, and sobbing, and yelling “No, Mommy! No!” Broke my heart. But then when I went to pick him up, he cried again because he didn’t want to go home. This used to be seamless. I guess I can’t blame him. He’s just adjusted so well to everything else that life has thrown at him, I guess I expected this to be no different. I think it will be a little rough until school starts again in the fall. There is just no stability over the summer. We’re going to be traveling a lot once my class is out, so whatever schedule he’s become used to will get thrown out of whack again. But in the meantime, we’re having fun and enjoying having our old Jonah back.

One more day

2009-06-08T05:52:00.004-06:00

Jonah's cast comes off in 24 hours! This is one of four doctor appointments that I have been this happy-excited for -- the other three being Jonah's ultrasounds, including the one two years ago today when we found out he was a boy.

This has been a really tough six weeks, but not as tough as it could have been thanks to Jonah being Jonah. He really is the sweetest little guy on the face of the Earth. He has dealt with this setback with smiles and laughter and not nearly as much frustration as you would expect.

And the cast does have its advantages. Diaper changes for one thing are fast and easy because he cannot kick and wiggle and roll away from me. Also we have to have him on his tummy for those, so he can play with stuff as he's getting changed -- sometimes I don't think he even realizes he's getting a diaper change.

We haven't been using the baby gate that keeps him away from the basement stairs, and that's been nice. We're going to have to go through and baby-proof the house all over again before he figures out how to run again. Also it's nice to go outside and put him on a blanket while I water the plants, and not worry that he'll get up and run into traffic.

And...hmm. I was hoping to think of a third thing that I actually like about the cast, but I'm drawing a blank. Oh, the best thing about it: it brought my parents in for 2 weeks, which we wouldn't have had under normal circumstances. And he's been able to see a lot more of his other Grandma and Grandpa. Also, the speech thing -- I guess we'll never know if being in the cast was part of his language explosion of if it would have happened anyway.

That's about it for good things.
I absolutely cannot wait to give Jonah a bath. The poor little guy is probably filthy under there, even though we can reach down pretty far at the waist area. He gets so sweaty and grimy that it's nearly impossible to clean him up. And, he misses water. He hasn't been able to splash around in 6 weeks, and I know he'd love to.

I also want him to get some of his independence back. My arms and back can't take much more of this. I want him to be able to play with his favorite toys that we had to hide (like the Cozy Coupe and a couple other ride-on/push-around toys). I want him to be able to go outside and play in his little house and eat on his picnic bench and explore the plants and pick up rocks on his own.

And, I'm looking forward to getting my living room space back. Of course there will always be toys everywhere, but right now he has blankets down all over the floor. Those are going away soon. And we're going to start addressing his new addictions: Elmo dvds, the pacifier, and the blankie. Actually, Blankie is fine. But we need to start limiting Elmo to maybe one a day, and the pacifier only for sleeping (and then maybe not at all?).

One more day! I can do one more day.
Here's Jonah crawling in the cast:

My child is a genius.

2009-05-28T20:08:00.003-06:00

Just for the heck of it, I started making a list. "Jonah's First 100 Words." I figured I'd be able to think of 40 or 50 words that he knows right now, and then make it an ongoing project to add to until he got to 100. I started the list yesterday at lunch, and added to it throughout the day as I thought of more, and by the time I left work, I was at 85.

Today the list is complete.

I should point out that I included proper names like Elmo, Jonah, Lexi, etc. But I also combined a lot -- Mama and Mommy count as one word even though he learned them at different times (I became "Mommy" about a week ago, I think because he pronounces Grandma as "Mama"). I also made "animal sounds" one word, and then listed all the ones he knows (about a dozen).

Still. 100! Actually, it's 102 -- I thought of a couple more after I finished the list, but I have to stop somewhere. I've read that most 24-month-olds have a working vocabulary of about 25-50 words. Obviously, this indicates that Jonah is a genius (which I totally knew already).

I do wonder if The Cast has something to do with it. I remember wondering when it first went on if he would progress faster in fine motor skills and speech since he couldn't really do anything with gross motor skills anymore. He was starting to become more independent, and suddenly was completely incapacitated, so he was forced to become more communicative. He knows the names of his favorite toys now, because he can't get to them by himself and so has to tell us what he wants. (Oh! I forgot about "this" and "that!" Make it 104).

But I think a lot of it also has to do with how much he loves books. He "reads" ALL the time. He now asks for specific books at bedtime. Tonight it was "Moon" and "Monkey" and since one of the words he knows is "again," we read Goodnight Moon four times and Five Little Monkeys three times before Mommy had enough.

I am completely in awe of this whole process, not least because a big part of my Master's deals with second language acquisition. Watching someone learn their first language is just fascinating. He stares so intently at my mouth when I talk to him. When we read books, he'll point to something, look at me to watch me say it, and then look back at it, repeating the process five or six times.

I haven't been very good at teaching him any Spanish yet. This is partly because I know that without totally immersing him in it, he's not going to really pick it up. But also it's also due to laziness on my part. I do talk to him in Spanish sometimes, but not enough for him to recognize what I'm saying. I need to be better about that. It can't hurt.

Oh yeah. The cast comes off June 9th. Cannot come soon enough.

One week down, five to go

2009-05-02T14:19:00.003-06:00

Thank goodness Jonah is such a good-natured, sweet little boy. He has periods of discomfort, obviously, but more often than not, he is his same old giggly self. He's still sleeping through the night, but his naps are starting to get shorter, probably because he's not expending as much energy as usual. His appetite is going down, too, probably for the same reason (I assume). I am getting much better at holding and moving him, and through trial and error, we've finally found a good eating position thanks to the drafting table Elaine brought from her school. Next week Chris and I are playing Jonah Tag, with Chris staying home in the morning, and me in the afternoon.

I hesitate to call Jonah lucky, but he's definitely spoiled. He's been getting new presents every day this week. Grandma Elaine and Grandpa Al brought all kinds of goodies, Dana gave him a new toy, and he got a big package in the mail from Bapa and Grandma Sue. Today we had a visit from Great Grandma Schaidle, Aunt Mary Ellen, and cousin Deb and they brought some gifts from Aunts Teresa and Anita, and a ton of food (presents for Mommy and Daddy, hooray!). The gifts are great, as Jonah tends to get bored fast unless he's outside, and it's been rainy lately. Today is gorgeous, though, and he took a long walk with Mary Ellen while I vacuumed the entire dog's worth of hair Lexi has shed in the last two weeks. I'll probably take him outside again after his snack, and tomorrow should be nice, too. Maybe we'll go to the lake and (try to) feed the ducks. They didn't come near us last time we tried.

Chris is at his tri camp until tomorrow night, so it's just me and Jonah. It's strange being home all weekend. I have the special carseat installed, but I don't want to drive him anywhere except to doctor's appointments and back, so we're pretty much grounded. It's sort of nice, just strange.

I'm looking forward to our first appointment with the orthopedic doctor on Monday. I don't know if we'll get a tentative cast removal date then or not, but I hope so!

Mommy on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

2009-04-28T20:36:00.005-06:00

As if our lives were just too easy, we got a new challenge to deal with last weekend. Poor little Jonah rolled off of our bed and broke his femur. We spent Friday night and Saturday morning in the hostpital - he needed anesthesia to get his cast on, but couldn't get it until morning since he'd had milk. So the doctor splinted his leg overnight, and hooked him up with an IV so he could get fluids and morphine, and Chris and I cuddled with him as gently as we could. He would jerk awake and cry during the night, but as soon as I rubbed his hair and kissed his face, he would calm down.

The next morning he was wheeled into the OR to get his cast on. This cast is quite the contraption. It is a spica cast that covers half of his body. It starts at his waist and goes down to both ankles. His legs are bent at about a 30-degree angle, which makes sitting on anything a challenge. Also his knees are splayed out to keep his hips abducted. There is a bar across the knees for added support. And for diapering, there is a nice little hole cut out that we stuff his diaper into.

We have spent the last few days figuring things out - how to move him, how to position him (he cannot move by himself, and needs to be repositioned every few hours to prevent sores), how to feed him, change him, etc. It's like having a new baby all over again, sort of. We're getting the hang of it, though. We bought him a beanbag chair so he can sit on something, and a wagon so we can wheel him around. He does fit in his jogging stroller if we put a pillow behind him, but he doesn't fit in any other stroller or high chair or anything else due to the angle of his legs and the width of his knees. We have a special carseat on loan from the Children's Hospital so we can safely transport him to appointments. He is so awkward to hold that I can't do it for more than a few minutes at a time, which is heartbreaking. But he is adapting well, and as of yesterday was pretty much back to his old good-natured self. He actually slept through the night last night without waking up once, but I have no idea if that will be a consistent thing or not. I worry about leaving him in one position all night long, but we decided to let him sleep as long as he's comfortable.

He will be in the cast for probably six weeks, although we don't know for sure yet. He cannot go back to daycare, so this puts us in a bind for the rest of the school year. With Chris and I each taking some time off, plus a ton of help from our parents, I think we're almost covered. Hopefully his cast will come off right after I get out for the summer, so I can be his physical therapist while he relearns how to walk.

Here's the poor little guy in his cast on the first afternoon home:

Easter Weekend

2009-04-18T10:55:00.006-06:00

It worked out absolutely perfectly that my parents were able to come last weekend. I had Friday and Monday off for Easter, so I got a nice four-day weekend. And, I got to spend both my birthday and Easter with them, which was awesome.

Jonah has started calling my dad "Bapa." I have no idea where he got it, but I noticed it a few months ago. Whenever he sees a picture of him, he says "Bapa", and when he sees the computer where we do webcams each week, he yells "Bapa!" and points excitedly. I was curious to see how he would react when Bapa was there in person, and Jonah did not disappoint (well, he sort of did in the fact that he does not have a word for "Grandma" yet, but I know that's coming. He said "Dada" waaaay before "Mama," and I didn't take it personally.) Anyway, there were a lot of adorable (and LOUD!) cries of "BAPAAAAAAAA!" followed by running into his arms for a hug. It was so sweet! (And bittersweet when they left and all I heard the rest of the day was "Bapa?" as Jonah checked all the rooms looking for him.)

Here are some highlights:

After Easter Brunch

A kiss for Grandma

Making faces with Bapa

Knocking down the stack of boxes...again.

Mommy's Easter Basket

Grandma's "Jonah" tattoo -- YIKES! That must have hurt!

Chillaxin' in Bapa's wheelchair

Coloring a picture of "Melmo" with Bapa

At The Olive Garden for Mommy's birthday dinner

On to Boston!

2009-04-18T10:48:00.002-06:00

I am sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to (Chicago and then to) Boston. It's finally starting to sink in that the race is in TWO DAYS.
Oh my.
I am SO not ready.
I'm reminding myself that my goal is not to run fast, but rather to soak it all in and enjoy every moment of it, and I think I've trained enough that I can do that. I'm starting to get excited! I haven't had time to stop and think about it before, but now that it's right around the corner, it's starting to become real.

I keep getting ragged by a co-worker who's done it before. "How many 20-milers have you done?" "How many hill workouts have you done?" Uh....heh. Ok, here is a summary of my training:

20-mile runs: 0 (I never do these anyway)
Hill work-outs: 0 (never really thought about that)
2+ hour long runs: 5 or 6 (yeah! good enough!)
mid-week sorta long runs: um, 0 (worrisome. those are important.)

So I've been reasonably good about getting in my long runs on the weekends, the longest being 16 miles, which is normal for me. I have not been good about weekday runs, at all. Sometimes I have done zero. Sometimes one or two. There was one week that I got in three, but that was back in February. This should worry me. However, I've done reasonably well on minimal training before, so I'm not too concerned.

I may be eating my words come Monday around noon (or 1:30-ish, which is when I should hit Heartbreak Hill).

The only part of this trip that I am dreading is being away from Jonah for four days. I have never been away from him for that long before, and I'm not sure how I'll handle it. I wish he could be here, but I'm on my own for this trip.

Next up, since I have some time, a picture post from last weekend!

Oh yeah. I have a blog.

2009-04-04T19:57:00.006-06:00

I've been really delinquent about this thing. There is a ton going on right now -- it just never seems to slow down.

First things first, Jonah is growing ever cuter and funnier and more amazing each day. We're entering the phase of having to really watch what we say, because he at least attempts to repeat almost everything. And now that he can express more of what he wants, it is harder and harder to turn him down. Bathtime, for instance, has suddenly become part of the nightly routine, where we used to only give him a bath every couple of days. He knows the word now, and will say "Ba? Ba?" and run to the bathroom and try to climb into the tub. He usually does this about half an hour before bedtime, and there is just no saying "no" to this.

I don't have any good recent pictures of him, and Chris took the camera with him to New Orleans, but here's something of an update. This one is from February when he got his first haircut. We took him to Cookie Cutters in Normal, where he got to sit in a little car and watch an Elmo ("Melmo") video.

Chris has a lot going on for him, too. He's in New Orleans for a half Ironman with his Evo Tri team. I'll leave it to him to talk about his other goings on if he wants to, so moving on.

Boston is right around the corner, and I am ready enough. I'm starting to get really excited for it! I keep getting heckled for the training I'm (not really) doing, but I've done enough that I can get to the finish line in one piece and that's all I really care about.

I am a little frustrated about not getting to run as much as I would like, though. I know it's my own fault -- I just haven't been prioritizing it. I would have to get up at 4:30, and I can't seem to get to bed before 10:00 (more like 11 the past few weeks). I don't function well on that little sleep. So grad school papers and presentations get done, Jonah gets played with, and my running shoes sit in the closet until the weekend. And if we happen to have a nice enough day, I'll get a run or two in the middle of the week as I push Jonah in his stroller. (This week with Chris gone, I ran one time, because it was just nasty out all week. I made it one whole mile before the stroller got a flat. Figures.)

I'm anticipating all of this getting easier next year, though. We'll see how things turn out.

Next weekend we are getting a visit from my parents, so I'm sure there will be a couple hundred (literally) pictures I could post after that.

Um, Jogging Stroller? I think you've gained some weight.

2009-03-16T17:37:00.005-06:00

I wasn't going to say anything. I mean, I know you haven't trained all winter. And you do hide it well -- no one could tell just by looking at you. But, Jogging Stroller, since you forced me to walk up that steep hill today (panting and swearing under my breath), well, I just can't ignore the situation anymore.

(Remember, I'm telling you this as a friend, because I love you and want only the best for you.)

You've gained weight! And not just a little! Dang! Fortunately, the solution is simple. I will simply run with you, all the time. Next week is spring break. We'll go out every day, if the weather cooperates. Soon, well actually, let's just face facts here -- you're probably not going to get any lighter. But hopefully my soon-to-be-super-buff arms and back won't notice anymore, and you will feel lighter up that hill.

Sound like a plan?
Good. I'm excited, too.

Looking Ahead

2009-01-10T21:25:00.004-06:00

So, for the most part, I have to say that 2008 was a pretty good year.
Jonah got to fly to Las Vegas three times to visit his grandparents, and they came to see him (us) a few times, too. I think it averaged about every three months, which isn't that bad considering how far away they are.
We saw our closer-to-home family a lot, and spent some time at Grandma Elaine's house, swimming in the pool there and playing outside.
I watched him learn to hold his head up, laugh, reach for toys, start to eat food, sit up, crawl, stand, walk, learn words. Now he toddles all around, dances, feeds himself, and responds to more words every day.
I was able to jump back into racing, and didn't lose as much bike speed as I feared. Then I gave myself freedom to totally abandon biking and swimming with no guilt. I got to be a runner only, which was actually very liberating. And it paid off, as now I get to stand at the starting line of the Boston Marathon this April.
And Jonah and I got to watch Chris achieve a lifelong dream as he competed the Ironman World Championships in Kona.
The last five days of '08 nearly derailed all of that, but put in perspective, this was pretty much THE best year ever. Ever.

2009 has gotten off to a rocky start. Without going into detail, I have been dealing with a medical issue that has put me on a crazy emotional roller coaster, and kind of forced everything else into the background. I haven't been allowed to do any exercise whatesoever since right before Christmas, and I'm getting itchy. However, it has been resolved now, and I think I will be able to start working out again soon. I have two weeks until a follow-up appointment with my doctor, but I don't think I necessarily have to wait for that. Besides, I feel like the best thing to do right now is to focus on what lies ahead. And with our new coaching company getting off the ground, I have been thinking a lot about training and triathlon, so I think now would be a good time to lay out some goals for 2009.

I want to do triathlons again.
I realize this means I have to dust off my bike, and considering my embarrassing swim at Evergreen, drag myself to the pool once in awhile. But I'm ready to do that again. I'm not sure how I'll manage that, since biking and swimming are not something that I can include Jonah in (I ran with him 3-4 times a week during marathon training) but I'll have to figure out something.
I really want to do something long, too. A half-Ironman would be good. I can't shake the thought that I want to do another Ironman, but it's just not feasible. There used to be a small, independent one here in IL, but it is cancelled this year, or else I might actually have done it.

I would like to PR in the Olympic distance this year, also. I should have done that last year, but with my disastrous swim and the rain that freaked me out on the bike, I didn't come anywhere close. This year I should be able to do it. Mostly I want to start seeing improvements on the bike. I ran my tail off last year and saw huge improvements at every distance. Now I can't help but wonder what might happen if I put some of that discipline toward biking, always my weakest point anyway.

I don't really have a goal for Boston, other than to enjoy it. On one hand, it would be kind of neat to finish it in under four hours (I have no desire whatsoever to train hard enough to possibly PR), but even that might require more training than I want to do.

I guess I just want to feel like a triathlete, and not a runner. I love running, and focusing on it was exactly what I needed last year. But I didn't feel like I belonged any of the triathlons I did, and I want to be able to go to a tri and feel like I'm ready.
So I guess that's my one broad goal, for 2009.
It's starting to look up already.

Breaking news!

2009-01-05T17:46:00.002-06:00

From the Jonah Tooth Watch via Agent Mommy:

Latest evidence suggests the emergence of a tooth (finally!).

Yesterday at approximately 09:00, a small oval-shaped gray spot was sighted on the lower right gumline. Initial spontaneous reaction of “OMG, I hope his teeth aren’t GRAY!” was quickly laughed off as irrational.
Upon giving him a grown-up glass from which to drink (which he loves and will insist on taking mouthful after mouthful while most of it dribbles onto his shirt), a tiny clinking noise resembling tooth-on-glass was audible.
And finally, when inserting my finger into his mouth to feel, he clamped down in manner of dog with toy and jerked his head back and forth forcefully, at which point Agent M most definitely felt something razor sharp in there.
Additionally, subject is over 15 months old. (I mean, come on. Seriously.)

As yet there is no visible confirmation of an actual tooth. However, based on above evidence, confidence level regarding imminent appearanceof said tooth is: Pretty sure.

Introducing Revolution Multisport

2009-01-03T15:09:00.006-06:00

Chris and I have pondered the idea of doing some triathlon coaching on the side for quite some time now. When we first moved to Bloomington, we helped out (along with Chris Tuma) with a Tri-Shark training program through the YMCA. Chris and I did the swim coaching, the two Chris's did the run coaching, and Tuma did the bike part. That was about seven years ago, when I was a total newbie to triathlon and had just started running. Both of us have learned a ton since then. We've also had a lot of people ask about giving swim clinics or setting up a training program for them. Last spring, Chris and his Kona training pal Chris Daniels put on a fantastic weekend-long tri camp, and we have been seriously talking about doing some official coaching since then.

So now we have decided to start Revolution Multisport Coaching! We will be offering custom training programs, as well as one-time services such as swim clinics and bike fittings. We are going to limit it to ten athletes right now until we see what the workload is like. Hopefully we will be able to expand it a little next year. We have several people lined up already, so if you want in, check out the website and this post from Chris's blog, and email me or Chris for more info.

The calm before the storm?

2008-12-14T19:30:00.005-06:00

Either we're in the middle of a mellow phase, or we totally lucked out with a happy, easygoing baby. Jonah has seriously been in a happy mood for about two weeks straight, and I'm loving it, but also sorta wondering when the other shoe is going to drop.

We thought we were in for a teething nightmare a couple weeks ago (yes, still toothless). He woke up screaming, obviously in pain. There was a white bump just below the gums on his lower jaw -- we could see it and feel it, and Jonah kept putting his hand to his mouth. So we thought, "Ok, this is it, for real this time" (because seriously EVERY time there is inexplicable crying I always think it's a tooth, and it never is). We gave him Oragel, teething tablets, Tylenol, ice cubes, and teething rings, cold washcloths. He would tolerate none of it. I have rarely felt so helpless with him. Around midnight, we gave him a popsicle and put on "Jack's Big Band" and that bought us 20 minutes of relative calm, but it was 3:00 before he finally wore himself out and was able to sleep. We were sure that the tooth would have broken through by the next day, or at least in the next couple of days. But, to our astonishment, the thing has completely disappeared. I checked with Chris to make sure I wasn't hallucinating, and he confirmed that there definitely WAS a tooth there. But there's no sign of it whatsoever anymore. Chris says Jonah must have scared it back down with all his screaming. But, of course, it is still there somewhere, dormant but waiting, just waiting for the perfect time to wreak its havoc on our peaceful nights. Every night as I fall asleep I wonder "will this be the night?" So far nothing.

And ever since that night, Jonah has been absolutely delightful, ALL the time. He has been learning new things constantly for months, but it really seems like between Thanksgiving and now, he has hit some kind of learning spurt. He finally started pulling himself up to stand on things (although apparently he had been doing that all the time at daycare -- hmpf), started walking, suddenly became interested in the stairs and climbed them all on his first attempt. And he always comes back for a hug every few minutes when I'm right there, which I love!

He is saying a few words, like "bye-bye" (accompanied by a wave) and "eye" (accompanied by a finger-point to his eye). I don't even know how many words he recognizes now, but he responds and/or gestures to "all done", "more", "nose," "hair," "brush your hair," "so big", "book," "turn the page," "give kisses" (my favorite!) and "hungry." And a few more, I think. For some reason, he'll do the numbers 1 and 4.

He LOVES books more than anything (yep, he's ours). He doesn't have the patience to finish any of them, but he'll pick a bok from his shelf, turn a few pages and point and comment on the pictures, and then toss it aside and pick a new one. This goes on until he's taken down every book from his shelf, and they are all on the floor in a big pile around him.

But the best part is, he laughs ALL the time! Sometimes it's a babyish hyperventilating kind of laugh, usually when he's walking around. Other times, like when we tickle him or especially when I nibble on his little feet, his laugh is throaty and loud, and almost grown-up sounding. Usually that kind of laugh is also accompanied by a high-pitched squeal of uncontainable delight. It is the most heartwarming sound I have ever heard.

And it's not that he NEVER cries, but really it's rare. At bedtime, I put him in his crib, play a little peek-a-boo, and leave, and then we don't hear a peep out of him until morning. Which is fantastic, but...can this really be our luck? It just seems too good to be true, and then I think about that tooth that's waiting in the wings. It's coming. It has to be coming. He is 14 months old -- it HAS TO be coming, soon. And the terrible twos, those should be approaching (I've heard they actually hit around 18 months).

In the meantime, I'm trying not to think about that, and just enjoy my sweet little boy while he's at the age that he enjoys me back. Can it get any better than this?

Epilogue

2008-11-09T20:21:00.004-06:00

That 5k I was going to do this afternoon? That I wasn't sure about since I'd been eating Snickers and Reeses and not running for 3 weeks but I was going to try to run fast anyway? 21:45. Yep. 21:45. Another lifetime goal to check off. What on earth has happened to me? And...how long will it last?

I'm considering that race the icing on what has been an unbelievable season. The only semi-dark spot on the entire year was the Evergreen Tri, and even that wasn't so horrible when you factor in all the excuses.

But, I think everything that I have accomplished this year can be traced back to one big motivator:

If I'm going to sacrifice time with him, if I'm going to put him through the ordeal of coming to races to "cheer" for Mommy, or take him on countless stroller runs when he'd probably rather be playing, I'd better do it right, and it had better be worth it. I think it was.

Columbus Marathon Race Report

2008-11-09T10:51:00.005-06:00

I always meant to go back and write up a more detailed version of my race report, and now three weeks later, let's see if I can remember what happened.

We didn't bring Jonah with us. He had a rough travel experience in Hawaii -- he had fun for the most part, but he got a bad ear infection and bronchitis while we were out there and had to spend most of a night in the emergency room with a 104 fever. And even though he did fantastic on the plane trip back, he'd really had enough of traveling. So he spent the night with his grandma while Chris and I drove to Ohio. My IronMommy pal (and Chris's EvoTri teammate) TriSaraTops was racing, too, and she invited us to a pasta dinner her friend was having. That was awesome, as it was only the second time I've met her in person, and the first time I met her hubby and little boy. Her son was born only three days after Jonah, so we've kind of virtually shared pregnancy/new mommy/tri training experiences. We both had high goals for this race, but we'd also both been having mind-bogglingly amazing comebacks, so we were nervously confident.

Race morning was perfect! I was COLD at the start, which was a relief after the 85-degree heat the Chicago Marathon runners had suffered the week before. I found the 3:40 pace group a few minutes before the gun went off, and asked one of the leaders if they would aim to hit the pace exactly, or try to get a little cushion in the first half. He said they usually try to keep the pace even. I knew I would slow down in the second half no matter how comfortable I felt in first half, so I decided to go out harder. Chris and I had discussed strategy the night before, and his suggestion was to get a couple minutes ahead of them by mile 5.

A 3:40 marathon equates to 8:24 per mile. My first mile was 8:10, but it felt a LOT slower than that. Around mile 3, I made a bathroom stop, and when I got out I was still ahead of pace. My time at the half would have equaled my PR a year ago -- 1:46 -- a full four minutes ahead of pace. I started to think "Oh yeah, there's no way I'm not going to do this," but I tried not to get ahead of myself because there is no telling what would happen in the next 13 miles.

At the 15-mile point, I started to expect the brick wall to pop up at any moment, because in most marathons, I struggle a lot from about 15 to 18 or 19 and then get a brief second wind. By mile 22, it hits again, and I hang on for dear life for the last four miles. This time it didn't hit until mile 18, and even then it wasn't that bad. I think I lost about a minute between miles 18 and 22, which is when I saw Chris. At that point, I was in serious pain, and my left calf was starting to cramp. Chris yelled at me that the pace group was catching up. Sure enough, they swallowed me up shortly after that. I was still 2 or 3 minutes ahead of pace, though. I tried to attach myself to the guy holding the 3:40 balloons, and not drift away from him if my life depended on it. The road was pretty wide here, and Chris was able to follow us on his bike almost all the way into the finish. This combined with the constant encouragement from the pace leaders was enough that I managed to not completely fall apart.

Around the time I thought the end should becoming, I glanced at my watch and saw 3:37. I asked the pace leader "Where is it? We only have three minutes!" He said it was about a quarter mile, and that we would definitely make it. A girl next to me started crying and said "I'm going to Boston!" The crowd knew, too. Everywhere people were shouting for the 3:40 group and screaming "Boston!" but I still couldn't let myself celebrate. I kept fearing that my leg would really cramp and I'd fall, or have to walk and end up just missing it.

But when I finally saw the clock, it read 3:39. I sprinted as much as I could and ended up with 3:39:29. A wave of relief came, followed by amazement. And, of course, that was all accompanied by a complete locking of the legs. It always amazes me how instantaneous that is. I was running just one second ago, and now I could barely move.

At that point, I realized that I had not walked at all. I always walk though at least some of aid stations. Not this time. I ran for 26.2 miles without pausing, at a pace faster than I could run one mile in high school. And I qualified for the Boston Marathon. Me. ME. I wondered if there had been some sort of mistake. Maybe I misread the qualifying time, or misread the clock or something. Everyone else that I know who has qualified for Boston is fast. I still don't feel like I'm much better than average. I don't feel like I belong with that group. ButI got my acceptance confirmation from the BAA, and my name is on the website, so I guess there is no mistake. This is weird, and will take some getting used to.

Chris found me soon after I made my way through the food. I got bundled up (it was still cold!), called my parents, and then went back for more food. I saw Sara then, and she had met her goal of breaking four hours! I found out later that she had run a negative split! (Meaning, she ran faster the second half, meaning she is amazing).

Me and Sara, IronMommies!

Me and Chris

I haven't run since then, but I'm going to tackle a local 5k in a couple hours. I would like to shoot for PR because, why not? It's only 3 miles, and can't possibly hurt as bad as miles 23-26. But again, it's been three weeks. My legs might not be ready to get yanked from their vacation into a race that fast. It doesn't really matter one way or the other. I've accomplished the hardest athletic goal I've ever set for myself, and it's one I never realistically imagined I would be able to do. I had to knock off 18 minutes from my previous time (which in itself was also an 18-minute time drop, and the one before it was a 20-minute drop. That just can't keep happening). I'm not expecting anything special at Boston. I'll train enough so that I can be sure I'll finish it, but I'm just going to run it for the experience. I'm ready for a break.

October races!

2008-10-20T20:38:00.003-06:00

I'm exhausted and would like to be in bed right now, but here's an abbreviated race report from Chris's and my recent events.

Chris did AMAZING at the Hawaii Ironman! He has his race report up here, but I'll give a brief summary, too. He had to suffer through what they said was the worst wind and hottest temps they've seen out there in years, and he still managed to finish in under 10 hours (which may mean nothing to someone unfamiliar with Ironman, so I'll just say that that's really, really freaking fast). I went back after he had gone to bed and watched the later finishers come in, and the inspiration I saw there will last a good long time. I definitely want to win the lottery sometime and try it for myself, but not for several years at least.

Next up it was my turn! I ran the Columbus Marathon yesterday, with a goal of qualifying for Boston. After a rough week trying to adjust back to Illinois time and catch up on work and grad school, I wasn't sure how the marathon would go. And I was never quite sure if I could do it in the first place, although I remember thinking, and telling Chris the night before, "I don't see any reason why I won't be able to do it."

Long story short, I did! I needed a 3:40:59 to qualify, and I ran 3:39:29. Exactly 90 seconds to spare, whew! Never in million years did I expect that I would ever be able to do that, so I'm still kind of shocked, but also (mostly) relieved. I wasn't sure how I would deal with the disappointment if I didn't make it, so I'm glad I don't have to find out. So it looks like I can add "Boston Marathon" to my calendar in April! Hooray!

IRONMAN TOMORROW!!!!

2008-10-10T21:26:00.004-06:00

HOLY COW, it's almost here! Chris's bike is gone for the evening, all racked and ready in the transition area. It's CRAZY out here! I didn't get to go to the pre-race banquet last night (long story for another time), so I'm sure I would have seen a lot more superstars there, but so far this week we've seen Normann Stadler, Michellie Jones (twice at the same place -- she must like Lava Java), Peter Reid, and I already forgot who else. So far no Natascha sighting, which will disappoint me if I don't see her before I leave here because she is my
hero(ine).

Anyway, Chris is all ready to go, and so am I! Jonah and I have our matching "Team Sweet" shirts, so we're all set. One downer, though -- no more carrying your kids across the finish line at any Ironman North America race, or at Kona. I seriously almost cried when I heard that. I really wanted that, even just in a picture since Jonah wouldn't remember it.

Chris is racer #1637, and you can follow his progress on http://www.ironman.com/ tomorrow. The race starts at 7am (noon Central) and Chris hopes to be done around 4:30-ish if all goes smashingly (9:30-ish Central). I'll bring the laptop with me in case I can find some hot spots during the long bike ride that I can't go anywhere to see, so I'll try to send out updates and/or pictures. Check his team site, http://www.evotri.com/ for those.

Here are a few pictures of our trip thus far, most of which are non-Ironman related.

Turkeys at our B&B

Jonah got to see sea turtles during his first ocean swim!

First time in the ocean -- loved it!At a black sand beach, trying to eat the sand!

In a nice, warm tide pool with Mommy at sunset. Life is good!

One Year

2008-09-30T20:42:00.000-06:00

September 30, 2007

September 30, 2008

(Actually, this is from two weeks ago, but he looks pretty much the same!)

Unbelievable.

I can barely remember what my life was like before he was in it. I wonder how many diapers I've changed (a quick calculation puts it at around 3,000), how many bottles I have fed, how many tears I've dried. How many times I have wrestled to wipe off slimy hands and slip socks on kicking feet. How many times I've strapped him into a carseat, a high chair, a stroller. How many times I've stumbled down the stairs at 3am, and how many times I've given up and just let him sleep with us.

How many hours have I spent rocking, cuddling, singing lullabyes? How many million times have I kissed a round baby belly, and puffy little cheeks? How many times has my face been sore from laughing so much? How many times have I heard those songs??? And then found myself humming them as I do dishes? How many times have I been nervous taking him out somewhere only to be amazed at how good he is? How many times have I been overcome with awe at the sight of those sparkling blue eyes? How many more times can I melt when he smiles at me?

I don't even have a guess. I have loved every second of being a mommy. I can't believe how quickly his first year has flown by. I know every parent says that, and I know why. I have to look in the toddler section for his clothes now. He is one of the oldest babies in his room at daycare. I recently held a friend's three-month-old and had trouble remembering what Jonah was like at that age. Already! Part of me wants to reverse the clock and do his whole first year over again (well, maybe I'd start it at about the four-month mark). Another part of me adores him so much as he is now that I want to hit "pause" and just stay here for awhile. But the rest of me is excited for him to keep learning and discovering, and I can hardly wait to watch him continue to grow. His personality is getting more and more defined each day, and all I can ever manage to say is "He is SO sweet!!!"

I am excited for his second year. But I'm just not ready to let go of babyhood yet. I guess it's not up to me, though, is it? Ah, well. Happy Birthday, little man!